What are the rules with SC and bathing?

[MissingLynx]

Ok, this may sound silly but me and my DP have had a bit of a disagreement. My youngest SD is 7 and i ocasionally have to wash her hair, i always make her put a bathing costume on as i dont feel comfortable seeing someone elses child naked, my partner thinks this is silly and since ive been in the childs life since she was 3 i should be okay with bathing her. I was just wondering how other SP deal with bath time.

Just to add I think making her wear a swimming costume in the bath is likely to install some serious body issues for her

I'd be concerned about that too.

OP I think its a bit weird if you've been in her life since she was 3 to make her with a swimming costume while you wash her hair, makes it seem like you don't view her as your child even though she's step I think its normal to feel a parental connection when you've been involved that long from a young age. My OH is step-dad to my DD and feels like a dad to her, I would find it very weird if he made her put a swimming costume on in the sauna.

We havent got a bath, its a walk in shower room. She doesn't get changed in the front room because my oldest SS bedroom is at the back of it and his friends have to wall through to get to his bedroom and i assumed they wouldnt want to see her naked either , i really didnt think making her have a costume on for 5 mins while i wash her hair was a massive deal.

She hasnt got body issues and she certainly isnt damaged, if anything she know her body is her body and the only person that should see it is her mum, how is that a bad thing?

I have a five year old dsd and we've lived together since she was four. I have no issues with bathing her etc but I guess it's up to you. Not sure I'd go with a swimming costume though.. Don't know how I'd get round it if I wasn't comfortable!

Sorry I just don't get that logic about only her mum being allowed to see her naked.

i think if you have been doing it since she was three, the damage has already been done. She's learning that you can't show your body to people, even people you trust, even when it's not in a sexual context.

I think I find the idea so uncomfortable because it's as if you're sexualising her by making her cover up. There would be nothing weird about somebody she calls mum to bath her naked. You're not going to look at her inappropriately. So why the need to cover up?

I'm not trying to be mean because I can see you were just doing what you thought was best. I just think it's bound to make her feel certain things about her body that aren't necessarily true. But I don't know how you would stop now since you've been doing it so long, without it being strange.

Well i honestly didnt think i was doing anything wrong, i definitely didnt think about it as sexualising, i just thought it was inappropriate for me to see a child who isnt mine naked. Thank you for all the opinions ill definitely take them on board.

I am a paid nanny and my job is to bathe the children - I sit by the bath while they wash and help younger children to get clean or wash their hair - i've never thought o make them wear a swimming costume. They're children.

But Missing why would it be inappropriate to see her naked? What is inappropriate about it?

And honestly you don't seem to be taking it on board, you just seem to be getting defensive. Which makes me wonder why you asked? Unless it was just to prove your partner wrong?

No it wasnt just to prove my partner wrong, i value her opinion just as much as everybody elses, there are some underlying issues to why i think its wrong. All i wanted was opinions, i have took them on board and i now understand that its just my problems that are stopping me feeling comfortable and it isnt the 'normal' thing to do. I do feel very guilty and sad that i could of potentially damaged my SD and that it was never something i had thought about.

You did the best you could do Missing, don't beat yourself up about it.

I do think it is slightly unusual that you find it uncomfortable, BUT I really don't think it is doing anyone any harm. If you and she are both comfortable with her wearing a swimming costume, then it is really no one else's business. DSS was about 6 when DH and I got together, and I certainly don't ever recall him being naked around me.

I think if your partner was not the rp and you only had them occasionally it would be fine. But as she lives with you I think it's an odd thing for her to get used to and may cause body issues down the line. I see loads of under 8's naked in the swimming changing rooms. You are probably over thinking this, it's her home she should be able to shower properly. If you are still not comfortable then her mum should shower her.

In our house the kids used to run around naked when they could - they preferred it to having clothes on! You know, the times before bathing, getting dressed in the morning, paddling pools in the summer, blimey if I could have found an easy way to get any piece of clothing on my lad before the age of 7 I was doing good! He loved to shake it all about!

We are a stepfamily and we have always mixed the tasks of feeding and cleaning kids, never occurred to us to teach them that only their mother should see their body. I just don't understand the logic of it.

And it doesn't make you any less of a stepmum, it's just different.

Like ive said before, i havent got children of my own and the whole parenting thing waa vey new to me, i was 21 and suddenly had 5 SC to take care of, it was scary but its what i choose, i just done what i thought was right. I have some underlying issues from my childhood that are possibility the cause of me feeling uncomfortable. I never once thought it was odd or possibility damaging but i can assure you all that my SD is a very loved and confident 7YO, she dosent seem to have an issue with wearing the costume and if she had of said she didnt want to wear it, i would of respected that.

If you feel more comfortable this way and your SDS doesn't mind and think it is funny, then where is the issue? Surely you don't wash her hair every time she comes over? It won't be long until she won't want anyone in there anyway.

I understand your concerns but I'd worry about the message it sends to the little girl about her body. There's modesty, and then there's being made to feel like your naked body is somehow wrong. You're family.

However, I do see where you're coming from.

Makes a bit more sense now you said you were young and didn't have kids of your own. I'm not sure how comfortable I would have felt at 21 either.

I wouldn't say you were doing anything wrong at all OP! You are showing her that at some point others respect the privacy of your body, it needs to happen in the family first, what age is going to be different for different people.

When I was going I had really long thick hair and struggled to wash it. My mum has bad hands so I used to ask my dad to wash it. I'd stand over the bath and flip my head over (fully clothed) then once he was done I'd have a bath or shower. No issues. Is this maybe something you can do? (My dad washed my hair til I was about 14 til I got the hang of it and done it myself)

Ps I think I'd be the same as you. I would not feel comfortable seeing dps kids naked. So either it's bathing suit or I wouldn't do it.

It's not something I've come across before, having had various step parents of both genders, but if this is what you've done for 4 years then it would be a bit confusing to change things I thinkz

This is one of the weirdest things I've ever heard