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am i wrong?

58 replies

WSM123 · 13/09/2015 23:43

My partner and I Have his two boys every second weekend, we have an agreed time that they can come in to wake us up of 7.30, they can play in their room until then and have a coloured clock (green to go, orange to play and red to stay in bed) so its easy. Every morning the 6 year old makes up a reason to come in early and if I tell him to go back to his room until its on green my partner says im a nasty bitch and mean to the kids etc. My point is why have the clock if he doesn't enforce the rules?

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
SurlyCue · 14/09/2015 02:51

yes he does want the morning time with them however he expects me to want them climbing all over me too so he can have his cake and eat it too

No pet, hes just lazy. He doesnt want to get up and deal with them.

Todayisnottheday · 14/09/2015 02:57

Don't you see? It's not you! You're not changing anything, he is. He's moving the goal posts and keeping you on the back foot. Walking on eggshells around his dc to avoid nasty words from him. Honestly, I wish you could read what we're reading. A nice man does not treat his partner this way - not even 2 days a fortnight.

WSM123 · 14/09/2015 03:00

Ava, no im not sleep typing hehe, I have tried it in the past, this drama has been going on for months, the clock was good for one or two weeks and then as soon as it wasn't strictly adhered to and he got away with it hes got earlier and earlier.

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anklebitersmum · 14/09/2015 03:38

WSM123 sorry but it sounds to me like he wants to have a lie in and knows that once you're awake you'll deal with them. If the children were being entertained by him when you moved rooms then they wouldn't have sought you out. More importantly, he wouldn't have let them had he been actively involved with them and gave a shit about your lie in

Still prescribing a swift boot up the bottom here Smile

AvaCrowder · 14/09/2015 03:42

Seriously if your only problem is the early starts you are kidding yourself. I'd rather have an early waker than a horrid abusive man, any day of the week.

wotoodoo · 14/09/2015 03:45

OMG op, why on earth are you allowing yourself to be treated so utterly appallingly, disrespectfully and like a doormat?

NO WAY should you be cooking, cleaning and being treated so badly when you are being kind and considerate but nobody cares about you and takes you for granted!

And then you get called heinous names and it's like it has little effect on you, why? Is it because you are so used to being badly treated?

Your treatment is terrible because you allow yourself to be treated terribly. If I had been called a NASTY BITCH that would be IT and a complete deal breaker. But then I would NEVER be doing all someone else's cooking, cleaning etc and I have NEVER been called the names you have.

You don't respect yourself op. If you don't respect yourself you can't expect to receive any. That has to change. Stop pandering.

I would never in a million years want to spend a moment's time with a partner with such a misogynistic attitude. No wonder his first partner didn't want to put up with that. I woud revisit why he calls her names too, it sounds as if he is good at being a lazy, abusive crap father who is used to putting others down in a self righteous way.

He's doing your head in. Think about your mental health op, you are in a downward spiral here and thank god you've posted on here so we can point out the RED flags that are waving all around.

Sorry op but he must have seriously ground you down for you not to notice the red flags, not to act on them and are prepared to be a downtrodden doormat as a role model for how a female should be treated by such little children.

The way you cling on to his little nuggets of praise is pitiful when you look at the wider picture of how they all treat you.

You can change all that. You can have a lovely life with people who treat you kindly and with consideration. Don't settle for anything less.

Good luck op, today's a new day! Don't doubt yourself! Take steps straight away to get a beautiful life you deserve. You only live once, you have no dc, you only rent so please don't entrap yourself into a life of skivvying and being badly treated! No man truly loves a partner by treating her so badly and with no respect so you should be questioning that too.

WSM123 · 14/09/2015 03:49

Thankyou everyone
I have told him he can move, then he wont need to worry about his little darlings being near big bad me

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wotoodoo · 14/09/2015 03:54

OMG op you have made my day!!!!!! (already,and it is early) I cannot believe they are in YOUR home and treat you like that but hey, it doesn't matter.

You are BRILLIANT and so here is a cyber hug (())!

Keep us informed! Keep your cool, take a dignified approach but get them all out asap!!

Grin Wine Brew Cake Flowers Star

xx!

derxa · 14/09/2015 04:02

I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for the children.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 14/09/2015 04:09

Ah I see you've told him to sling his hook - is he doing so? I do hope so. He clearly has zero respect for you, sadly, and is just looking for some poor mug who can keep a place clean for his children whenever they visit.

I suspect his "nasty" ex isn't so much nasty as wanting her DSs to be looked after properly while he has them, something any normal parent would want for their children.

Either way, as you said, if he thinks you're such a nasty bitch Hmm to his DC, then HE should be the one moving on, because who, as a decent parent, stays with someone who is mean (not saying you are) to his DC? So sad for his boys though. :(

WSM123 · 14/09/2015 04:18

his ex is Nasty I know first had from the threatening messages she has sent me and from the things she has told the 6 yr old to say to me (kids are honest). He left her because she isn't a pleasant person so I guess you learn what you live and he has bought her stuff to out relationship. I guess that's why I have put up with his crap for so long because he gets worried she will with hold the kids if he puts a step wrong (ends up going to soft) Any way, I got all the clothes from a friend (hand me downs) the beds are mine as are the books etc so when he gets his ass out he might well see how good he has had it with me.

OP posts:
derxa · 14/09/2015 04:34

Get out of this situation

Todayisnottheday · 14/09/2015 04:49

Oh goodness! What a decision. Hope you're OK? Flowers

SouthWestmom · 14/09/2015 05:03

You told him between 3am and 3.49? How did he take that? Are you not with the kids this weekend?

WSM123 · 14/09/2015 05:05

I will survive, I guess deep down I knew he was being an ass to me but ignored my head for the sake of my heart, just needed several strangers to point out what I already knew.
He has been told to go, weather or not he does may take some work but at the very least he knows in not putting up with being a maid for his kids and being called called names.

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WSM123 · 14/09/2015 05:37

Noeuf, no Im in NZ its Monday after the weekend of me supposedly being a nasty cow.

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wotoodoo · 14/09/2015 05:56

Get rid and don't let any one treat you like that ever again!

It's not the lovely, charming side of people that matters, it's the dark side which shows a person's true colours.

Blu · 14/09/2015 06:45

WSM you sound hard working and a long way from being princrssy or a nasty bitch.

Lots of men deal with being part time by being a Disney Dad, you can read lots of threads about it on here. And obviously it's hard for him seeing his kids so little and maybe he feels insecure that they will go off him unless he spends every dawn moment with them or if he is firm.

But he shouldn't be treating you like this and taking you for granted.

I think you need to talk all this through with him at a time when the kids are not there . Tell him you love having the kids, want to support him to have the kids but that doesn't involve becoming the family servant and being insulted and abused.

Suggest getting some fluffy blankets and that he takes them down as soon as they wake for special Dad time on the sofa , under the blankets, and then they all being you a cup of tea at 7.30 and you all sit in bed together then.

Blu · 14/09/2015 06:50

Oops, sorry , missed about half the thread and the update!

Well that should focus his mind! Good luck OP!

Wdigin2this · 14/09/2015 08:13

Surly is right, this is not the behaviour of a 'great guy'! He has his DC once a fortnight, for goodness sake, he should be standing outside their bedroom door waiting for them to wake up, so's he can spend as much time as possible with them! Then at a reasonable time he should be bringing you a cuppa just to say thank you for all you do for them during the day! Sorry, but you should probably be re-thinking your future!

Wdigin2this · 14/09/2015 08:19

Oh sorry, I missed half the thread too.....but what's happened today, has he gone?

Neverenuff · 14/09/2015 08:24

I told dp I did not want to share my bed with his kids. It's weird cause they are not mine and its just not right. He agreed and its never happened.

Your dp sounds like a tosser (sorry) and you're being treated like a mug.I hope he has left and you can be happy. Or I hope he realises just how much you do and changes his attitude. What a punk!

Good luck op. X

lunar1 · 14/09/2015 09:07

His ex is nasty and your a nasty bitch, either he has bad taste in women or more likely he is the common factor. Do you never wonder what he is saying to the ex?

CocktailQueen · 14/09/2015 09:17

What, he wants to see his dc more but can't actually be arsed to get out of bed and look after them or parent them effectively on the one day he has them? Eh??

Struggling to see what you get out of this relationship, OP. He calls you names, lets you do all the housework, all the parenting of his dc, won't stand up for you. Sounds like a complete lazy waste of space. I'd seriously consider my options if I were you.

SouthWestmom · 14/09/2015 09:31

WSM oh right. That makes sense - I was going to suggest a proper chat when you were both properly awake!
Glad you have raised it again, I would hate this tbh.