Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

I think that is what we all use this thread for Matilda. I dont think im thick skinned enough to dare vent anywhere else on the forum

Hi Whogives, I'm good this week thanks (kidfree weekend hehe) but planted the seed to DP of a couple of ideas to keep me sane with kids so I hope the idea grows in his brain a bit before Friday :-)

We have the kids this coming weekend...H (he has to earn back the D) is popping out for a few hours. I've told him to tell the kids no fighting when he's gone. The do it every time, even if he's only just gone for a shower, they start fighting and wrestling and it drives me crazy. They throwing things around the room and broken things that belong to me in the past using them as weapons . H gave me a reluctant "yes darling" when I asked him to tell them before he goes but I pulled him up straight away saying it's the least he could do. If they start fighting whilst he is out I will just get DS and go out for the day.

Oh sorry I do know this I just meant that I don't get why anyone thinks it's what we actually say.

I have dsd for the February midterm this week from Thursday night till Tuesday night and dp is only off Saturday Sunday. So far I have lunch planned with dsd and my friends and their kids on Friday and then I have a hair appointment and a baby shower Saturday so it's a kid free day! Hopefully a good weekend!

Really though it's never dsd or dp that bother me just the ex and sometimes his parents with their comments.

I tell the kids if they insist on fighting go outside on the lawn to do it. that's after a few heads have hit the coffee table in the past.

Worms worms worms, a big old can of them I seem to have opened. I expected if to be interesting but not that bad. The forum I stole it from had 167 contributions and none of them were nasty toward the OP

I seen this WSM! Didn't get past the first few comments! Of course you're wicked and horrible to your Dsc!

Whogives can you separate the DC when he is not around. They are in different rooms when he's showering etc?

Bloody hell WSM can of worms indeed. You know though, reading some of the comments most people are saying how step kids are really damaged. TBF from a very early age I grew up with two alcoholic parents, my parents split up when I was 13 and I actually used to wonder whether I was going to come home to find my mum dead on the floor, eventually she did drink herself to death and I had to go through all of that as well as different stepparents in my life plus having to look after myself from early teens and I'm actually quite normal, I don't resent anybody I don't blame anybody for anything that happened to me it's just how it is. I'm not damaged and never needed kid gloves when I was young. In turn my own 2 DSC aren't damaged, they're quite well rounded kids they don't really make a big fuss about a lot of stuff, they don't really complain they have their ups and downs like most kids but are generally well rounded kids . Split families is such a common thing these days I don't understand why people get the idea every child from the split home is damaged.

meridian we are in a 2 bed flat, my SS is much bigger than me and my sd not far off. I will stick to my thought of just going out of that start

my parents split when I was a kid too, after years of laying in bed listening to them fight and I'm "normal" (except for being evil to DSS of course) That is what I really cant fathom, how are kids are damaged by marriage break up but not by parents yelling and screaming at each other but staying together for the kids.... crazy. I now need to go catch up on whati haven't read on that post.

I wouldn't bother , got too much for me

you're right I shouldn't have bothered, they are some nasty B*hes.
even suggesting they be nice to other posters gets slammed. Oh well failed attempt at what could have been :-)

I'm staying well clear of that thread. It became clear pretty early on that it wasn't going to end well. I know what you mean about having to bite your tongue as a step parent, but I don't find it very therapeutic to say what I might like to say to them on a thread and get told I'm horrible. So best stay away.

Really what I'd like to do is go back in time and magically make their parents bring them up differently.

your last line is basically the thing I was hoping for, but right from the first post it became a SP bash, which is a shame. The forum I stole it from was a great read, partly the honesty and partly realizing mine weren't so in comparison :-)

Well, kids are here. First time
I've seen them 5 weeks....I think

That's a long time whogives - must be strange to go so long without seeing them. Maybe if you're finding it tough, you should give them time to catch up properly with their dad and head out for a night out on the town with mates

Mine are still here, and here this weekend too. DH has found out that he's got to go away for work for a weekend during the Easter holidays, so asked his ex if he could have the kids the week before (and take some leave from work) and if she could have them for the weekend. She's happy for us to have them the full week before, but has other plans for the weekend so they'll be here with me. She's still yet to come up with a single weekend, or even part of a weekend when she'd like to have them for the rest of this year. Feeling a bit irked that we appear to get no time to ourselves for the foreseeable future.

February midterm in Scotland so just me and dsd today and then I have her and my friends little girl tomorrow... I'm so looking forward to having another child she can play with! Repetition of the same questions for the last four days... I'm kind of looking forward to my next few days holiday from work that will be child free and I can watch Netflix all day if I please

Blue that must be fustrating. I really don't understand 'resident' parents who never want their kids any weekends. DPs Ex was like that. But she liked to be the main parent, to have most control, continually posting on facebook how much being a mum took over her life, but me and DP had the kids every single weekend for 5 years! (And two resident full time too!)

Blue, how did you get into the position that the DSC still come to your home when their father is away for a few days? I have never understood this concept, it's their DF they principally come to see! Yes, if it was just a one off thing where he has to go somewhere suddenly, I'd say OK, I'll look after them, but in normal situations, where he knows he can't be at home, surely the DC's mother should keep them with her?! If I were you, the next time he has to be away when you would normally have them, I'd make plans to be away too then the children's parents will have to sort out their own childcare problems!

wdigin - the default has always been that the DSC live with us at weekends. It's not common that my DH has to work at weekends, but this trip away around Easter time has just come up. He did ask his ex if she could have them but she said she had a theatre trip planned for the Saturday. TBH I don't really mind having them here. It feels very much that they live with us a lot of the time, rather than coming to visit their dad, and I think I've got my own DC that weekend anyway, so doesn't make much odds. And I do think that as I'm married to DH I owe it to him to help him out when I can - I benefit from the money he earns from working long hours, and he'd do the same for me with my kids if I was away and my ex couldn't have them. What's annoying is just that it's one of so many weekends when their mum has come up with some reason why she can't have them.

bananas - thankfully DH's ex is a technophobe who doesn't go near FB (or MN, I hope...!), I don't think I could bear her posting all over it about being a single mum. Though suspect that is how she sees herself despite being master of getting someone else to do absolutely bloody everything for you - her DP even does all the driving of youngest DSC to school.

Anyway, turns out we do have a weekend without the DSC after all . It's this weekend, and somehow DH had failed to communicate with his ex to actually know this was happening until he dropped them back on Sunday. A bit frustrating as I have since arranged with my ex that I'll have our kids this weekend, meaning we could have had some child-free time but now won't. Am trying to look on the positive side, and make some plans for things my kids enjoy that the DSC don't, but it's not what I'd have planned.

Matilda - hope your playdate went well. Much nicer for kids to have friends to play, and hope you're now getting some downtime to enjoy netflix

Play dates are the best invention on holidays and it's our last day and back to school/work tomorrow!

I know what you mean about having the kids if their dad isn't there. I have dsd holidays sometimes as both her mum and dad won't get paid if not at work whereas I have holiday entitlement so makes it easier when I can help out! although I am looking forward to the rest of this years lot being between now and April being child free and as we have her every weekend if dp has anything he wants to do I wouldn't send her home for him to do it!

Blue Though suspect that is how she sees herself despite being master of getting someone else to do absolutely bloody everything for you - her DP even does all the driving of youngest DSC to school. Snap! He takes ALL the kids to school/college. I say kids, one is 19 and at Uni! And he takes them back too!

At first I also took a, 'oh well' and had my DPs DSCs while he was sometimes away for the weekend. However, this built up and when the teenagers started to just ignore me, it was just too much. It has backfired on me - as their mum refused to have them, then bad mouthed me to them when I started to say 'no this weekend DP isn't here so you should be with your mum if she is not away' - she would tell them that I wasn't making them welcome. No-one questioned that she wasn't making them welcome! Grrr! Unfortunately, the older kids seem to have bought this false logic and have been distant with me.

DSDs mum has just said she is going to stop DSD staying Wednesday and go back to EOWE only or just a Friday night. DP is very upset.
Wish I hadn't been right in seeing this coming but DP was so sure she would never stop contact like this.
Looks like we will be at the lawyers next week. DP wants to try for 50/50 now (he cld easily cut work hours to make it work) and if we end up with the status quo will be happy.

Why? NZ