Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

Couldn't agree more on the clothes front. We buy DSS lovely clothes, send them back with DSS to his mum's and never bloody see them again, and she sends him to us looking like a tramp. Really gets to me!

Hope everyone's weekends have been okay. All kicked off with DP's ex again today. Can't wait till DSS is old enough to communicate with DP and not have to go through his mum all the time!!!

We have the same with clothes. Last holiday she just screwed up a load of dirty too small clothes and put them in a carrier bag. Same for his birthday, dirty unironed clothes for his own birthday party. Bit of a rant but these are just the examples that really grate me, Holidays and birthdays being the times I always make sure my own ds is in his sunday best as it were. Maybe it just doesn't bother some people that their kids look like tramps? Even his school shoes, crappy cheap not even black trainers. Dh got him some leather shoes, saw them once and now he's wearing the crappy trainers again that won't keep his feet dry and rub his heels. What is wrong with her?

We buy clothes and they disappear on the Sunday as she comes to us in school uniform! Lucky if we will see them again

We had a fun week last week receiving the draft new parenting agreement DSDs mum has written for DP and her.

"DP will also take DSD every Wednesday night until Thursday morning, only so long as it does not interfere with her eating, sleeping, behavior and ability to complete her homework the next day."
"If either parent is unavailable to care for DSD during their scheduled times, the other parent must be notified no less than 48 hours ahead of time so other arrangements can be made."

The first part is a you will walk on egg shells for the rest of DSDs childhood and one wrong move and ill cut the wednesday contact, the second is just rich when DSDs mum works her contact sunday and ships DSD off anywhere without talking to DP about it at all.

The best part of these clauses is two days after sending this through she tells DP she is pregnant. We are one very very excited for DSD that she will have a sibling and two very excited that DSDs mum might calm down once the baby is born. But in light of that the two clauses are even more ridiculous. Is she going to contact us 48 hours before going into labor or if baby is sick and needs to go to hospital and she is not taking DSD with her etc. And how is she going to insure that new baby doesnt interfere with DSDs sleeping behavior etc on her nights or is it only us that could possibly interfere with such things.

Sorry total rant/out of the current thread context.

I must say she at least does send DSD over in proper clothes. DSD has a pile of clothes at both houses that are almost completely interchangeable. A few items are special to her mums and a few to ours.

NZ - is he expected to just sign it or can he have any say? I think you're right. It's easy to be a control freak when you have a lot of time on your hands but once her baby arrives, she may want him to help/have DSD more often than not.

Clothing is an ongoing issues for so many steps. Some mothers seem to get really hung up on it. I find it scary from some of the stories on here, the lengths they will go to in order to annoy the husband but letting the child suffer by being in clothes that are too small, grubby or not right for the weather. What is that all about?

We were instructed by DSS's mother that we were not to buy clothes that were more expensive than the ones she provided. By that I don't mean designer, I mean M&S and John Lewis instead of H&M/Primark. This was in case DSS preferred wearing 'our' clothes.

We are never allowed DSS at Christmas but once she sent him over to us on Boxing Day when she knew he was going straight to huge lunch with about 12 members of DH's family, in grubby jogging bottoms and a T-shirt. It was such a statement of 'I am not making an effort for you' but it was so unnecessary. I now bring trousers and top/shirt for him if we are in that situation.

NZ - is this a legally enforceable agreement?

Claud - Did you listen to DSS's mother about where you buy his clothes from?! We have a spare pair of jeans at the house for DSS so that when we're taking him somewhere nice he can look a bit more presentable. I honestly never knew Primark did tracksuit bottoms in so many different colours....

Problem is when we buy DSS something nice he immediately wants to take it back to his mum's which is incredibly frustrating!!!!

DP doesn't have to sign as is, he is currently waiting for a reply from his ex about the changes he has made to what she wrote.
Yea it is legally enforceable once signed. But DSDs mum doesn't seem to care about that only dp is expected to follow rules. DP will never take her to court over trivial things only if she stopped contact.
Unfortunately current contact only says day time sat/sun EWO so needs changing.

Can I join, don't want to give too much detail in case outed but fed up with lying and tantrums of kids old enough to know better. Very nearly at the end :(

Welcome Needaglass for you.

The lying and tantrums just forced me to end it. Nothing was being done to curtail the lies and bad behaviour - XP was backing down as every time he tried to impose structure (basic things like clothes in basket, dishes downstairs) it all kicked off. I can't sit around and watch a nearly 50 year old be manipulated by teenagers with no consequences. So house is up for sale and DS and I are looking forward to living in a peaceful home.

Saint I'm sorry that it has come to that, but I can't blame you at all. So gutting to think your XP lost his relationship because he was unable to tell his kids to cooperate.

Saint sorry to hear that - hope everything goes well for you and your DS.

High, we didn't take any notice of her. It all started because she was asking for money for clothes ALL the time (on top of four-figure monthly maintenance) and so we just said we would get a whole set for ours. DH took him to Primark recently as well as Zara so we mix it up. He's growing very fast.

Needaglass and Saint, sorry to hear you are struggling. I know how you feel. We have DSS for hols at the moment and I am lost for words over how DH changes when he is with us.

I was wondering this morning how DSS can give him so much happiness and me so much sadness and frustration.

Claud do you have any children of your own? I don't have children but DP has the one son and I agree with you on the providing happiness to DP and frustration to yourself sometimes!

As for clothes, DSS is at the age where anything with a popular cartoon character on it is far nicer to him than anything designer, so Primark usually suits him fine. However, as he gets older than is likely to change and I can see DP having to foot the bill... as he's so bad at saying no to DSS - however, his money is his to spend as he likes!

Thanks all - it is very saddening to see XP in such deep denial about the damage his children have done and what he allows them to do. Even the counsellor could not get him to come close as it would be admitting failure and that his kids were not the 'good kids' he insists they are. I have tried and tried but he could only manage two months of fining them £1 for every thine they didn't do what they were asked to before the tantrums reached epic levels. Lies were told about me, really really serious ones, and I can't hang about when there are no consequences for potentially very damaging actions. Luckily he told the school it was all lies, but did nothing about it at home (school are aware that the children are challenging). So yes, I am sad that what was the best relationship I have had with an adult has been allowed to be destroyed and my lovely, kind, well behaved DS is feeling insecure and upset as a result. But I am genuinely looking forward to living with just him again and having a few years of peace before his teenage years kick in!!

Sounds like you did the right thing. Honestly I think if one of DPs kids hadn't have moved out to her mums (she's 20 so not a child), I might have been joining you! Your situation sounded awful.

Dsd told me last night that her mum is taking to get her eyebrows waxed before she comes to us tomorrow. She's only just 12!!! She's not at all hairy no boobs yet either. I'm that somewhere will treat a 12 yr old and annoyed that dsd mum is saying these are the things women do to look better instead of instilling in dsd that how she looks is absolutely fine. Dh said he 'expressed that he wasn't keen' idiots the pair of them.

Well, I'm a SM and SGM, and I met my DH when all our DC were grown...so I never had the weekly/fortnightly visits, or (God forbid) a resident DSC!
However, I really take my hat off to all of you SM's on this thread, I know I would have found it very difficult to have coped as you all do! So here's a for everyone of you, and a merry Christmas to all!

Thank you Wdigin - raise a glass to you too, not easy even when they have grown!

Hi all, just popped on for a nosey and to say merry xmas to you all, stay strong and drink plenty :-)

LazySusan I would like to think that no professional beauty therapist would wax a 12-year-old. Poor thing.

Bananas.....in some ways I think it's harder when their adults, especially when I actually witness (recently) DH's 'guilt button' being cunningly and expertly pressed by his DD and DGD at the same time!
Were they successful....do bears s**t in the woods?!

Wdigin - Oh no, that sounds like double trouble! Actually that is kind of heart breaking. She's obviously taught her child that grandad is a cash machine.

Good luck and merry Christmas to everyone for tomorrow and may there be plenty of

It has started already.

DSS has just come back from a week at his grandmothers. He is going to his mothers this evening for the next few days. So DH was hoping to have some quality time with him this evening.

So he has his mates round all afternoon, ignored his father. Found, opened and broken two of his presents. Has been running round the house and is driving DH and I nuts. He is 15 ffs.

Is it too early for gin?