Anyone else had enough?! Join me for a glass of virtual prosecco!

[happygirl87]

Sometimes I find being a step-mother all too much! Can't even be bothered to go into it - just pass the ! Anyone else?!

Yeah we have her every weekend as he always has since they split up. People think it's a bit strange but it works for us won't be long until Christmas then it's over for another year! Although it does bother that when she's short £20 she first asks dp. If I was her I'd rather ask anyone but him if it's just for a day!

High heels- kids are 15 to 25 years. They have been Disneyed by DP and left to their own devices by DM. For years they spent every weekend with us, but now just don't bother. The older ones only want to come if they don't have to make an effort, I've invited them loads but they don't bother now. The younger ones now don't see why they have to if their older siblings aren't made to. Having said that did persuade 3 of them last sat for take away, but they left straight after. DP would never say that he needs a bit of time with them. Older ones sporadically say they find it awkward, implying me.

Claude- tricky! I tried every tact with live in DSD. Staying out completely - then realising she was going to school in smelly clothes. Room started to be unhealthily musty. DP did wash clothes. DSD was wearing them to sleep. So, gentle just went in and cleaned everything. Tried to get her mum to pamper her. Bought new clothes. So many things. I got resented whether I did nothing or everything! I'd say help kid with minimal basic level for their sake. But they will hate you for it! :-/

We have the kids 26-28 this year, don't think we will have any extra and that's ok with me, it's all too stressful atm. We swap each year with Xmas but mum normally always has them NY as we don't really do anything other than a fancy meal at home so they would be bored. Works for me.

Dss was like that at ten and hasn't got any better at fourteen.
I leave him and dp to it, dp does his laundry (he dyed his school shirt grey last week by putting it in the same wash as his school sweatshirt, not my problem... And I don't let dp wash my stuff for the same reason, so we do our laundry separately) and deals with his room, I don't even go in there.

I doubt it'll get any better. I've really tried but dp doesn't enforce it and dss just takes no notice.

Same with the food thing. The other day he was picking individual bits of mince out of his shepherds pie, to avoid the carrots, peas, onions, mash and gravy. I mean, it's pathetic. And it makes me want to shove his face into his plate.

OTGY that last line made me spit out my tea laughing! I know exactly what you mean

Claud

My DSS (14) is as useless. I have told DH that he is responsible for DSS's clothes and washing them. I would either get no washing at all, or a batch of clean washing not put away and just thrown in the laundry room floor.

So now Dh is responsible for doing his washing and putting it away. I do not go into his room and have nothing to do with his clothes.

I was told not to wash their clothes as they have sensitive skin...I guess it's that evil stepmother brand I use (I washed them on holiday and they lived). We do, however make sure the kids shower at least once over the weekend.

Well the ex has had a change of heart and we apparently are seeing DSS on Boxing Day now. As DP said "I'll believe it when I see it." However, access for next year remains up in the air. She's absolutely exhausting and I can't keep up with how often she changes her mind!

As for washing, I do it all. However, more often than not the ex asks to have DSS' clothes back so lately there hasn't been too much of DSS' washing to do. DSS will put any dirty clothes he does have in the washing basket if I ask him to, but he's 6 and not at the grumpy teenage years.... yet!

I am trying to get DP to do more for DSS. We took DSS out for the day last weekend and I told DP if he wanted to make some sandwiches he'd have to do them himself! More often than not I find myself doing most of the chores and playing taxi for DP and DSS (doesn't help that DP doesn't drive). However, DP is getting some driving lessons for Christmas so hopefully that will change soon!

Matilda do you mean your DP's ex asks DP for money when she's short?!

That's great news, HighHeels.

Thanks for the supportive messages on washing and hygiene. Good to know I am not alone or being unrealistic.

I just don't like the idea of the a fuggy room and child of 10 who seems to think its OK to only wash every 3-4 days.

I used to strip his bed and do the linen after every weekend he stayed and then suggested to DH that DSS strip the bed and also (with help the first time) put the clean linen on. DH thought DSS should not have to do this!! So I now leave the bedding and it has not been touched for several weeks. I hate the idea of that but DH needs to step up.

Claud Thanks, it is... I just hope she doesn't change her mind!

Good on you for standing strong. Do you ask DH to change the bedding and he ignores or do you just stay completely out of it now?

I don't say anything now. Not sure how long I can do that though as he is staying a lot over Christmas so it's grossing me out.

Yeah just when she's short £20 till the next day or if there's a bill coming out high heels! It's not much but just seems like she's reliant on him still nativity play today then Christmas tree and colouring and arts and crafts with dsd this weekend glad you're getting Boxing Day! I'm so looking forward to Christmas fun with dsd it really is all about the kids

is it too late to join in with the glass bottle of prossecco? its a fucking minefield being step mum isn't it...not the kids who are the problem mind
exw.nightmare.ffs

20 year old DSS his room smells, well, ripe. Hold your breath as you go past when the door is open.

His mum was round the other night and I was hoping she'd say something, but she didn't, my DH just agrees with me its awful, but nothing changes...

I said when he moves out we are going to burn the carpet and mattress and paint it pink with big roses.

wowis I'll join you and completely agree!!!! Is everything alright with you?

Matilda Completely agree with you, it'll be my first Christmas with DSS and I am looking forward to it, it'll be nice having a child around!

80sWaistcoat Does DSS live with you full time? Is there a time frame on when he'll be moving out?

Claud Oh dear. That's no good at all. Fingers crossed he gets his act together. What about temporarily removing all the clean clothes/underwear so he has to start using the washing basket? Maybe that'll prompt him to start being a bit cleaner? Although could be risky and backfire....

HighHeels the plan is he's moving on to better more exciting things middle of next year. He's been with us full time since Uni. He was pretty much full time before Uni too.

He's OK, nice lad, makes a good cup of tea. But the room is fuggy, very fuggy, sort of chewy.

I'm in

Yep!

Oh how I miss my child free Friday nights at times!

Dss asked me the other day if we could start using Aries detergent as his mum uses it and he likes the smell.

I said "no, get your mum to wash your clothes if you prefer it, or use your pocket money, buy your own washing stuff and do your own laundry" he's not mentioned it since.

We have separate clothes here for him than at his mum's. She won't allow him to bring 'her' clothes here. But as he is here 70% of the time she must have a lot of clothes unused.

And apparently she doesn't like us (well, dp, cos I don't do it) washing his clothes. In which case she can bloody turn into his mother, have him stay with her and parent him.
It's his theatre show this weekend, they do four shows during the day tomorrow, apparently she can't make it to any of them.
We're going though, and taking him out to dinner afterwards. Having done all the running around for rehearsals etc and provided his costume.

Out - it is nice that you can get those fun bits though, the theatre and dinner afterwards. I'm not sure why his DM wouldn't.

My older DSD who told me in that I couldn't be her parent in any way just didn't believe me when I reminded her I'd been picking up and washing her clothes for 5 years! She is living with her mum now and refuses to acknowledge i had any role in her life whatsoever. I think she just thought I was a floating guest.

Sorry to butt in totally off topic but I need wine and spirits!! Kids came tonight clothes that have been sent over are mingig and done. We latex over odds on maintenance and she agrees to provide clothes. She could at leastcheck they still fit and are preferrably hole free. We dont talk to her anymore due to legal proceedings so we can't raise it butFFS. We can't take kids anywhere nice now cos they will look like tramps.

Either that neverenuff or you need to buy them clothes on top of everything you already do

My spelling g was attrociosus I meant pay her not latex lol.

Its such a shame for the kids though. They are missing out because of her. and they obviously don't realise it. I do a lot for the kids and its never plain sailing but I always try to do stuff that will give them happy memories. There's always something that happens to overwrite the good stuff though. Ie arguments over clothes. It's just suvha shame.

wowls you are right. I am sure half the problems we have with DSS are down to his mother.

Dh told me the other day that every time he tries to discuss DSS (13) behaviour (he is getting into trouble a lot at school) with exw she twists everything to be mine or my kids fault.

Most of the time he keeps his conversations with her to himself, but this time he just needed to vent. It is very frustrating.