Am I wrong for saying my partner can't have his son for a whole week in summer holidays when I'm due to give birth by csection at very beginning of summer holiday?

[Paige2354]

Basically I want to know if I am being selfish in saying that my partner can't have his son for a whole week during the summer holidays after im due to give birth to his daughter by c section right at the beginning of the summer holidays. I've said its ok to keep to the arrangement of having him every other weekend at this time but I've never had a c section before I don't know what its going to be like and how il be. I also don't know how my baby will be with sleep etc and we live in a tiny flat with hardly enough room to swing a cat. Am I being out of order?

"Perhaps if it's just logistics you could ship one of your older children to grannies for a week to make space. You can't pick and choose which children matter enough to be 'in the way', "

You realise that your first sentence contradicts your second?

I think MrsDV makes an excellent suggestion OP.

Wtf. No yanbu!
You're going to need to recover after your c-section! And you'll need help with the kids you already have.
Everyone on here is so fucking judgemental and unrealistic! He's 4 and will need some attention, that's not gonna happen in your household at that point in time, so that's not fair on you or dss.
And that's not unkind. If your partner wants to have him for a week. He should be there. Or its just meaningless, detrimental and hard work for you. And what's the point of him suffering during that time, because you'll be stressed and recovering and if his own mum isn't working, she can give him an awesome week instead.

He wouldn't necessarily feel left out, you guys that are so harsh need to get a grip!
It's not her responsibility. Taking care of your own kids when you have a baby by c-section is hard enough, but you do it cos you have no option. Taking on another is just ridiculous.
He can make up for lost time when you've recovered properly! You need that time to recoup. It's not unreasonable.
There's no way I'd expect my kids step mum to have them for a week if she'd recently had a c-section and a new baby.
I wouldn't think she was being unreasonable.
Mn is full of really spiteful critical mothers with an axe to grind. How can they be such perfect mothers, when theyre so harsh toward other women fgs?!

That was in response to the first commenters!
Read the rest and calmed myself down now! There does appear to be some sanity around here still. Thank God.
I hope it all goes aswell as it can, and you get the rest and tlc you deserve.
Enjoy That baby and don't stress too much

I think if your dh is not taking time off YANBU. But I think he is being very unreasonable not to take a few days/half days off.

Dp is being an arse

I really couldn't have said it better myself mommy!! I could understand more if child was resident child but he's not. The whole idea is just crazy! oh and the majority of commenters at the start are beyond harsh! I was getting angry just looking at the replies and was close to coming out of it completely.
Wish you well OP and I hope you get it all sorted! I am due in September and there is no way in hell I would be agreeing to such nonsense!

Yanbu, a c section is major abdominal surgery, I had one and couldn't even sit up after! Put your foot down, stick to the normal contact and offer to have him a few weeks later. My dsc love my ds to bits, waiting to see him till their next contact didn't make them feel pushed out at all. (Don't think they really thought it any different)

Fucking hell, c section or vaginal birth I'd still expect my dh to be around for me, our new child, as well as his existing child(ren). YANBU but you do need to have serious words with the father of your collective children. Recovering from giving birth is hard at the best of times.

I actually don't think you're being unreasonable. You are pregnant, hormonal and about to give birth. What is your partner thinking of!

I would think you were being unreasonable if you changed the existing arrangement but all you have done is stop MORE contact.

actually it doesn't sound like a great idea if his dad is not going to be around to look after him. I would suggest a week at the end of the summer when you are more in a routine would be a better solution. or is there a particular reason why it has to be that week??

YANBU. Just say no. If he isn't there then she can't come.

The whole situation is a bit ridiculous! What are the normal arrangements in the school holidays? Have you not planned it before? Why cant dss mum have him that week, why does it have to be that week you have him?

Anyway if your oh doesn't get the time off then absolutely you should not have your dss, I think its crazy to even think about it.

Doesn't your DSS have any grandparents on either side who could look after him while his mother is away? I think she has been very unreasonable to book her holiday for such a difficult time for you, just expecting that you will have her DSS - but she's allowed to have a holiday.
YANBU to think you will find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to cope though - and I think your DSS needs to go elsewhere if your DP is unable to take time off (and I completely understand why he wouldn't be able to, given the nature of his work and the current economic climate, and with a new baby to provide for).