Am I wrong for saying my partner can't have his son for a whole week in summer holidays when I'm due to give birth by csection at very beginning of summer holiday?

[Paige2354]

Basically I want to know if I am being selfish in saying that my partner can't have his son for a whole week during the summer holidays after im due to give birth to his daughter by c section right at the beginning of the summer holidays. I've said its ok to keep to the arrangement of having him every other weekend at this time but I've never had a c section before I don't know what its going to be like and how il be. I also don't know how my baby will be with sleep etc and we live in a tiny flat with hardly enough room to swing a cat. Am I being out of order?

I would say stick to normal contact at least till later on in sch holidays when you are more mobile. You are going to be stuck in a flat with children already with hands full with a newborn this isn't time for an extra unneeded visit from step sibling. Plus practically in tiny flat none of the kids will sleep v well and surely it will be dull.
If his mum didn't work no grear rush have the holiday when you can get out have fun as a family together.

Can't he take some kids with him
To work?
Leave you with the new baby?

Why would you have another baby in these circumstances? I realise accidents happen etc, but you're all crammed in to a tiny flat, DHs business is in serious trouble, plus the fact he's not prepared to look after his own DS after you've had a Cs.

Does he do anything to help with the DCs normally?

I understand the barber, self employed bit, I really do. That's why many similar businesses would put a lovely sign up in the window to tell all the loyal customers that the shop will be closed for 1 week as the new baby has arrived. Then have a mini reopening the following week with photos of the new baby, a beer for each customer to get the bodies back through the door. Could do the business the world of good. But it needs to be planned for which he hasn't done. Why?

I'm with those saying why have another child?

It blows my mind. I'm usually all for personal choice but it's the kids who are missing out. Yes they'll have love etc etc but bloody hell, four in a two bed?! In strained financial circumstances too.

I used to work with teenagers with difficult home lives and most of then had similar circumstances as the op. The older ones loved their younger siblings but my gosh they resented them too. No money, no privacy, everyone shattered and nowhere to escape, even to do coursework. Most of them avoided their homes like the plague and got up to all sorts.

I know this is an extreme consequence but wtf is the purpose of your new baby? To cement a relationship? Because it sounds like your relationship is strained as it is.

It's major surgery. you could be in hospital for a few days if there are complications. has he not got a back up plan In place. I can't believe how selfish he is buying by not standing up for you with ex wife in trying to arrange a more suitable senario. and why he hasn't arranged something. 9 months is plenty of time to have got head around things surely.

You poor thing

My stance: would I look after someone else's child when I had just given birth by c section? Hell no.

Even if that child was my partners? Hell no

He is not your problem. Don't ever try to be a parent to someone else's kid. Be nice and polite. That is all.

Set the boundaries early. Tell dp he needs to find other childcare till he gets in from work

Is he expecting your mother to do it all?

Jesus op, just how shit does the situation have to actually be before your dh steps up!? I'd ban the kid! Not the time to be playing happy blended families right now, time to heal from surgery!

YANBU if he's going to be working. You won't cope, simple as.

YABU if he takes the week off.

Go and stay at your mum's till he sorts out his priorities.

Don't do it. I've had two c-sections and there's no way in hell I'd look after someone else's kid that soonafter the op.

I've had two c sections. yes major surgery but no reason why you can't have dss for a week towards the end of the holidays, and you dp can arrange to work shorter days to spend more time with his son.

So YANBU to say no for a week in the fortnight after you have given birth but YABU to say no for a week later in the holidays.

YABVU, in principle. It sounds very difficult in reality but your partner needs to find a way to support you so it's possible. Time it for the end of the holidays. I would insist on my partner taking at least some days off to spend with his son.

So who will be looking after his child when your mother has your kids and you are in hospital?

So 3 Resident children 1 non resident, another baby on way.
Total 5 children
2 bedroom flat
C section
Boyfriend won't take any time off work

So no, you can't have the child nor any of the other children for the week they will,all have to go,to relatives
Your boyfriend has had 9 months to sort cover at work and holiday care for non resident child bit hasn't

You need to sort out contraception, childcare, housing and hopeless boyfriend.

I wasn't berating the op. Children should not be seen as something people deserve. Perhaps someone reading this thread thinking about a baby in similar circumstances will then take into consideration the impact it may have on the children they already have.

I did quite intensive work with the teenagers at my previous job and having another child in those circumstances shouldn't been seen as all sunshine and rainbows. It's hard and at times, unfair. That is the reality.

Thank you honey lemon baby was not planned but am happy I am having her, even if the situation is not perfect. I wanted people's opinions on this as ive never had a c section before and also the mother of the child wants him to come beginning of holidays not the end as she's booked a holiday without the child im referring to expects us to have him even tho she knows my situation and that his dad has to work. I do think the mother is being vindictive as she only has that child to after and no others im sure it will all work out in the end. Thank u for everyone's opinions

Maybe suggest having your dss for a week in the October half term instead?