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Original poster

Am I wrong for saying my partner can't have his son for a whole week in summer holidays when I'm due to give birth by csection at very beginning of summer holiday?

114 replies

Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:10

Basically I want to know if I am being selfish in saying that my partner can't have his son for a whole week during the summer holidays after im due to give birth to his daughter by c section right at the beginning of the summer holidays. I've said its ok to keep to the arrangement of having him every other weekend at this time but I've never had a c section before I don't know what its going to be like and how il be. I also don't know how my baby will be with sleep etc and we live in a tiny flat with hardly enough room to swing a cat. Am I being out of order?

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 26/06/2015 14:29

Will your partner be taking time off after you've had the baby? Can the week coincide with this? I think he really needs to come and stay though, he is old enough to feel excluded from his dad's new family.

Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:29

He doesn't get paternity leave he is self employed and won't take any time off due to money

OP posts:
LineRunner · 26/06/2015 14:29

Who the hell is going to be looking after you and the DCs if he won't take the week off work?

I'd stay in hospital if I were you. Have an old fashioned lying-in for ten days.

Iggi999 · 26/06/2015 14:29

I don't think anyone who had the choice of not looking after an additional child in the recovery period of a cs would choose to do so, not sure why everyone thinks that's so unreasonable. The unreasonable one is the child's father who has responsibilities to all these Dcs not just to find a new mug to look after them for him.

downgraded · 26/06/2015 14:29

Is it his normal contact routine?

If not then I agree with the OP. However, if he would have come for a week anyway he should still come.

Basically, normal contact should be maintained. In fact, this should be a priority.

Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:30

I don't want to exclude him is the whole point just not sure im going to be able to cope with the situation

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 26/06/2015 14:30

If he won't take paternity leave then who will look after the children while you're in hospital? I had a c section last year and needed to be in for 4 days.

Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:30

No every other weekend is normal contact routine

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 26/06/2015 14:30

If you are self employed you do of course get to have paternity leave, you just have to bloody choose to take it. Everyone loses money when on paternity leave, but it is a priority isn't it? Take your other Dcs and run.

downgraded · 26/06/2015 14:31

right so who wants to change it?

Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:31

My mum will look after other children while I'm in the hospital

OP posts:
Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:31

The mother of the child wants to change it

OP posts:
downgraded · 26/06/2015 14:32

What reason?

Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:32

I know but he won't even booked work for day after delivery day of the new baby

OP posts:
Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:33

To make my life difficult I think I don't know

OP posts:
Iggi999 · 26/06/2015 14:33

How many red flags do you need? I'm glad you have your mum around though.

lunar1 · 26/06/2015 14:33

Why isn't he taking time off?

Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:34

Because he has his own shop that doesn't do to well as it is and if he takes time off he won't be able to afford the rent of the shop leading to collapse of the business

OP posts:
downgraded · 26/06/2015 14:35

Right well I would like to formally change my mind here.

Given that he normally comes EOW and you are (presumably) ok with this continuing, AND given that your DP won't be around to look after him, AND there's a newborn on the scene I would tell her sorry, no.

YANBU

NerrSnerr · 26/06/2015 14:36

If he can't take time off he can't care for his son. Does he really expect you to look after a newborn, the resident kids and his son single handed?

Iggi999 · 26/06/2015 14:37

If it's a shop why does he need to book work in? That doesn't make sense. If it will go under due to even a day off it's a lame duck. Your issues are more than the wee four year old.

Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:39

Yes I think he does expect me to do it all by myself I have my mum but I'm just worried about the c section ive never had one and won't even be able to drive anywhere to take them all out... I'm dreading it already don't know how I'm going to cope with it all :(

OP posts:
Original poster
Paige2354 · 26/06/2015 14:40

He's a barber books appointments

OP posts:
Finola1step · 26/06/2015 14:44

My dh is self employed so I understand the not taking time off work to a point. But you are v lucky in a way that you have a planned c section so you know the date. He should clear his work for a week at least. He's had plenty if time to put a little bit of money aside to cover a weeks wages.

As he has not planned to take time off, you have sensibly arranged for your own mum to look after your dc. So there are 3 options. 1. Your mum looks after the whole sibling group, including you dss. 2. Your dp takes that week off to look after you and the dc with your mum's support. 3. Your mum has your 3, dss stays with his mum and dp works.

In light of the fact that your dp will be working rather than taking a week off, then YANBU to say that you will not be able to look after your dss. The key question is why has your dp not made sure that he can take time off to look after you and the new baby?

LineRunner · 26/06/2015 14:45

I don't see how you'll cope either.

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