Really immature step-kids

[Weathergames]

I have 3 kids all teenagers who I brought up alone.

I have been with OH for nearly 6 yrs and DSDs are 10 and 8.

I work full time and we have them EOW and about 1/3 of the school holidays.

They do not get taken out a lot at home so therefore have a lot of excess energy when they are here. We always try to do something with them every day they are here (even if just a walk to the park or swimming) and I take leave (as does OH) when they are here in the school holidays.

I admit I struggle with going "back" to these slightly younger ages but ... They are really really immature.

When not being "occupied" by someone else they want to watch TV, go on their tablets or within 5 mins they will end up squabbling.

DD2 cannot tie her shoe laces (I taught DD1 last year) neither can ride a bike (we have tried but both very tall and grow out of any bikes we buy them and now DD1 too scared and too big for stabilisers).

Neither can shower or wash themselves and when out in public they run around like toddlers pulling stuff off shelves in shops or generally pissing about and unable to stand still at all in a queue and behave.

DD1 still wets the bed and DD2 talks (IMO) very baby like and does not string sentences together.

Both girls very tall and want to constantly hold OH hand when out call him Daddy (this isn't a big deal I know) and want to watch programmes on TV which IMO are really very "young" for them.

Their mum does not discuss their bodies with them at all and DSD1 has def just hit puberty and with her height I think will start her periods sooner rather than later, which concerns me as she will not be prepared. She asks me questions and I am truthful in my replies but weary of going too far and stepping on her mums toes.

Both still get up at 8am and are very loud and wake everyone else up despite being told EVERY SINGLE TIME for the last 5 yrs to be considerate of others.

This makes it hard when they are here and causes tensions and I try my best not to allow it to irritate me but it does and I end up feeling like a cow (I do love them).

Does this sound quite immature for their ages or have I forgotten?!

If so how do others deal with it?

WOW can it not just be different children/people have different personalities. Can it not just be different parenting styles/result of family breakdown. Why does the ex have to be a controlling nut job

In fact why do some SP expect there SDC's to behave/develop exactly as their own bio children? Pretty stupid notion if you ask me expecting those from a different gene pool and background to behave like clones of their own children. I sometimes wonder if some SP's lives would be easier and less stressful if they simply accepted that all human beings are different and just because their SDC are different to their own DC it does not make them bad.

It is an (ongoing) issue, but the kids being immature and silly and "naughty" a lot does not help the situation - I often end up being the peacemaker and (dipomatically - I am a lot more patient with the DSC than my own!) nipping poor behaviour in the bud before it gets out of control.

My kids have never really damaged stuff in the house since they were toddlers but his kids have ruined a dining room table I saved up for, jumped up and down on my sons bed and broke it and even now I catch them jumping on the sofas (which my kids have NEVER been allowed to do). They still aren't allowed pens unsupervised.

They draw all over things we give them and break and destroy things, which pisses me off as there are no consequences. I have to hide the scissors.

We do have fun weekends btw - I have painted a bad picture here and when I posted was throughly hacked off because we took them swimming after they asked to go and just behaved really ridiculously in the queue and pulled loads of goggles off the shelves and then moaned they were bored we tried to get them to swim (we taught them last year so they aren't great yet and I am a firm believer kids should be able to swim) rather than allowing them to piss about in the water (the whole time).

Some step parents can't accept those differences because they like to perceive them as negative in order to have a "legitimate" outlet for their jealousy and dislike of their DP/DH/DW first family.

Whilst their dm keeps them young, she exerts 'control' , once self sufficient that control has gone. And thus 'power' over ex has also gone.

Stupidest thing I have read this year!

If your DP is being controlled it is because he allows it. Christ the ex cannot hold back time the children will reach 18 no matter how baby like she treats them.

Weather the more you post the more I think your DP is the issue. He is NOT parenting HIS children and the knock on affect is causing you stress which is not fair.

I honestly believe it is his behaviour that needs to change not theirs.

I also don't doubt for one second that you do fun things with them. As I said above you are not an evil SM.

I agree to a large degree that it's a 'different ' gene pool. But as a DSM it is really hard !! I am done with the hand holding etc etc , mine would think I've gone weird ... But every holiday I have to grit my teeth and regress 5 yrs... I get round this by going to work and leaving dh to it.. But as he lives with low maintenance dsc most of the time he has absolutely no idea and just gets cross. The only way is to send him off to work (contractor so lose ££££ a day when he is babysitting) and put my 'small child amusement' hat on and get on with it and wait for them to mature. - that said (and this really is a vent) I can't COPE WITH THE SQUABBLING) mine have never done it , ever ( I know I'm lucky - but makes it even harder) never mind. Friday is not far away.. In case anyone is wondering, I can't be such an evil step mum as 3 dsc decided to move in with us as soon as they were allowed to make the choice)

kittens girls or boys? I have boys and 1 girl - I wondered if the squabbling is because DSC are two girls?

Will people stop with the evil stepmother crap!!!

The only posters I ever see saying it are SM themselves it is very annoying. Very rarely is that ever said on here as a response to a SM post as most who post are SM.

My DC squabble all the time and it really gets on my nerves I envy your non squabbling DC

You may have to grit your teeth and just wait for it to pass. My dsd at 7 acted 3, and at 12 acted 7... wouldn't go to the toilet by herself in a restaurant, literally screamed for attention from her dad despite getting it in spades- and wouldn't wait for her turn in games. But here's the interesting bit- ONLY when she was around my children (similar ages). My kids loathed her.

Fast forward 4 years- at 16 she has grown up, all Imaturity gone- and has the closest friendship with my dd, her step-sister. You can actually have a good conversation with her. But if you'd asked me a few years ago- no way.

I agree that your dh needs to be doing more in order for you to feel less resentful. Mine is also harsher on my DD which I am fine with actually as I wouldn't want her to grow up like dsd.

He takes my lead on how he treats my dd, and his ex's lead on how he treats dsd. I guess his heart is in the right place there but he's never found his own parenting style which is a shame. Not sure how you can help your dh with that but I think if you did then things would be easier.

I also get the height thing. I've often said to people of my own dd that because she's tall it's harder to tolerate babyish behaviour and for example when she still wants to be carried at 9 it looks ridiculous to onlookers

Assuming your an intelligent women and don't need the "will someone think of the children" brigade policing your posting style, feel free to come and rant whenever you need to. Step parenting is an often thankless task and I for one do not want to see this board filled with insincere drivel but rather honesty about how sometimes it's just really bloody hard and letting it out here saves you from doing it at home.

The poster who gave the advice about how to teach riding a bike was brilliant. Practical advice and sympathy.

I had 2 girls and they did squabble, compete for attention. They were close in ages though.

I would try the splitting them up for outings just to see if that makes a change, though not easy. I can't imagine a single child misbehaving in a queue like that - all the angry looks on them alone.