Managing the 'control' his ex has over our life...

[Parasites]

In oct half term we had our first holiday as a 'blended' family. It went really well and we want to book again for next year as all the kids enjoyed it too.

My ex has given me the thumbs up to book for next oct half term but his ex is saying she can't give thumbs up as she might want to go away then. She said she would think about it and confirm one way or the other and now a couple of weeks later she says she might want to go away that half term but isn't sure but doesn't want to commit to us being able to take the kids away as she might want to. Prior to us saying we wanted to rebook October she had said she wanted to take them ski-ing in February so this sudden desire for oct half term seems to be based around just being difficult. Between us we have 3 little kids so big family rooms in half term at nice resorts go quickly and we don't want to miss out, or have to pay over the odds when there are good deals around now.

Whenever he brings it up with her she just says she hasn't decided yet and she might want to go away then so we can't book anything.

We want to maintain a decent enough relationship for the kids sakes but equally don't see why we should have to hang around waiting for her.

Any advice?

So they had an arrangement, which they rubbed along with, she met him know when she would like him to take the kids, and he had the flexibility and it was ok.

Now a change is being introduced and one which requires her, a year in advance, to agree his date. And this is partly because you are now in the mix.

She is probably seeing it as you and DP dictating her life a year in advance, you are seeing it as her being controlling / awkward.

The only way is for your DH to talk to her about the year as a whole rather than this week piecemeal. And have a discussion about what she would prefer in principle : alternate each year who has which half term, or stick to a set pattern . And for your DH to make the whole thing a mutual discussion with her rather than issuing a date and then an ultimatum and deadline.

She is probably seeing it as you and DP dictating her life a year in advance, you are seeing it as her being controlling / awkward.

This^

You can see how it might seem to her to suddenly have her ex's new partner (and it is really you who is necessitating this requirement to book in advance) demanding to know her plans a year ahead of time.

Personally i couldnt ever commit to plans a year in advance. I have no idea what my work schedule and finances will be like and i couldnt afford to book and pay for a holiday now for next year in order to make sure it was secured and paid for.