The thing is, you cant prove that allegations are false. Many women dont admit abuse even to themselves until some time has passed and they are able to think clearly again and see the situation for what it was. In my case, i knew i was unhappy and he was being awful, but it took months before i could say "i was abused, and so were my children simply by living in that environment".
I think its fair to say that the vast, overwhelming majority of women who say they were abused WERE. I also think its fair to say the vast, overwhelming majority of abusers dont believe their actions were abusive and/or flatly deny it. They ARE outraged at the accusation because they beleive (or want to beleive) that they are not abusers. Ill also say that imo, not all abuse is deliberate, that some men are not TRYING to abuse their partners /exes, but their behaviour is STILL unnaceptable and it is still abuse.
Now, im an optimist. I like to beleive that people are not inherently bad, that we are all inherently good, and that even people who have done terrible things can change. I believe in rehabilitation of serious criminals, so i cannot believe that "once an abuser, always an abuser". Because of this i accept that some men who made their exes lives miserable no longer exhibit these abusive behaviours, and that their new partners will see a good man, torn up at the loss of contact with their children. I can have sympathy for their pain, while still beleiving their ex, and holding the man responsible for his behaviour and the situation they find themselves in. Who could blame the new partner (family, friends) for her sympathy for the good, kind, loving man she knows? And who could blame the ex for her reluctance to allow contact OR her attempts to control the contact tightly, on her terms? Once bitten, twice shy and all that. If a woman has had all control taken from her in an abusive relationship, its understandable that when she is trying to allow contact she will want to retain control, because using the children to intimidate and control the mother is very common.
Then there are the unchanged abusers, who are skilled liars and manipulators, who are very convincing, very difficult to disbeleive. They may even admit to some wrongdoing, their sorrow and regret over their selected admitted errors just enhances their story, makes it more beleivable. Again, you cannot blame their new partners (family, friends) for believing and sympathising, and you cannot blame their victims for not wanting to allow contact / lose control of the situation.
I do however, refuse to beleive that vast numbers of women lie outright just to be bitches. I know some utter cunts and none of them would stoop so low as that. The figures for dv and rape speak for themselves, the fact is that large numbers of men DO treat women appaulingly, and large numbers of women do suffer at their hands. Given the figures, we can probably assume that we all know a rapist or and abuser (and i am deliberately including rape here, as it is an example, like dv, of utter disrespect for women as humans) and we probably dont even SUSPECT them of such behaviour. The look like normal people.
So yes, i can understand sympathy for the pain and distress of being seperated from your child, but id be very reluctant to disbeleive a woman who said she was abused.