So an update, and its beyond a joke now, its pretty damn miserable.
STBXH was late paying me back for the ex SDs school uniform, as he had to pay out for his ex, as baliffs were at her house for non payment of council tax. So not only did he not pay me back on time, I haven't had any maintenance for my children for nearly a fortnight. Not impressed. I told him I needed the money for the uniforms back as a minimum and he was mmning and arring, so MIL paid it back and he paid her. I have said I will go to the CSA if he doesnt start with regular payments. I am happy to take what he can manage, but he needs to be making payments and considering all the kids, not his feckless ex.
So more importantly, SDs settled in well at school. They have been at mine only three times in the past week, which is better than everyday. Im getting better at saying no, and batting it back to their parents. Until Monday.
I had to go into hospital Sunday night with high blood pressure, and protein in my urine. STBXH came with me, my kids went to my mums. They kept me in overnight, then let me home late Monday evening as it had come down with meds, but will have a lot of appointments. STBXH picked me up, and dropped me home, and ran to get some shopping in (bread, milk etc). We had been back about half hour, and were in the middle of discussing arrangements in case baby makes an early appearance when the door knocked. It was his exs next door neighbour, so about six doors down from me.
The girls had been left on their own all Sunday, no food in, not gone to school as no one there. Eldest had tried to cook beans on toast, younger one had a meltdown as she was hungry and it wasnt what she wanted, took the pan off the stove and launched it at other SD - resulting in elder SD getting a quite nasty burn on her arm. Neighbour had phoned 999 - so stbxh went straight to the hospital.
When he got there, the ex had taken over two hours to answer her phone to the hospital, social services were there as she was still under the influence asking questions about the night before ie where the fuck were you. The ex had refused to give stbxh number for him to be contacted.
The ex (his) went ballistic, 'how dare 'are you' go out without letting me know, she usually has the girls, drops them the minute you fucked her off, evil bitch' etc etc Can't actually believe that, she had been drinking and back to a house party, and that was more important, and blames ME. I then had a social worker at my door later on, asking questions. So i explained ive been keeping a log, and have previously raised concerns. I showed her everything, letters from the school, all the dates I'd had them, the school uniform incident, the texts, emails, logs of phone calls. I basically broke down, explained how she had put pressure on my already shitty marriage, and ive been worried sick. I showed her my pregnancy notes so she could see where id been, and my phone so she could see no arrangements had been made, and where my kids were. Told her everything even showed her this thread.
Childrens services refused to allow his ex to take his kids home with her, and asked if he'd be able to have them. He actually hesitated and said he'd have to see and could he call them back. I could have punched him. They phoned here and said would I have them if no other person could be found until they sort something out. I said I'd be willing to, but I dont know how practical this is given my condition and circumstances, but provisionally yes.
Once STBXH had been informed of this, he assumed they'd be here with me, and said thats fine, and better for him (wtf!!!!). He then ranted and raved at me for telling the social worker what I did, and said now things are a mess and im to blame.
He got told to fuck right off, and that he can stay away from me until his priorities are sorted. He then apologised saying he was stressed, im like pfft, your stressed, go boil your head. So ive got them now until at least friday, stbxh is arranging for leave from work, of around 3-6 months unpaid to sort this out. He wanted it as paternity, the 50 odd weeks you get, but I said no, as im officially on maternity leave and hes not using my leave, when we are split just so he gets paid. He can sort his own financial situation out. So as soon as he finishes work, he'll take them to his mothers, and is currently flat hunting.
I'm fuming with all of them (apart from the kids). Ex is apparently facing charges for neglect - and is only allowed supervised access. The social worker will deal with that, ive said i dont want her near me or my house. Which she hasnt bothered with anyway, and on the three times ive seen her with the kids, en route to school etc shes blanked them.
So here I am, pregnant, stressed, boiling mad with the adult idiots in my life, and trying to handle 5 kids and high blood pressure, and am pregnant while stbxh has time to 'gather himself' - wtf.
Would any of his behaviour be relevant in divorce proceedings, for unreasonable behaviour - as in his ranting, refusal to have them, and putting everything on me.
Sorry for ranting. But for any lone parent lurkers, not all SMs are bad. Ive tried my best for mine, even though in a way they arent my SDs anymore, gone out of my way, always considered their well being, and for what. For them and me to be treated like shit. I get told constantly that theyre not mine, but who ends up stepping up and taking responsibility for them when their feckless parents refuse. Just saying x