Please give me a 'bop'on the nose

[Teslaedison]

I am not allowed nothing whatsoever in the slightest to do with my partners children.

Am I being a cow when I talk to my partner and say ' I don't know them, I am not allowed to know them, so they are nothing to me'

My own perspective is that when a Resident Parent is so hostile to contact that it is "their way or no way" it is better to accomodate "their way" if at all possible, in order to maintain at least some face to face contact between child and parent.

A court order only works until the child is about 5 or 6; then they begin to feel conflicted and uncomfortable when they are "forced" to do something their Resident parent is resistant to, and consequently, meaningful contact cannot take place, despite the NRP best efforts. It is almost impossible to describe the experience of a DSC spending a weekend with you, terrified to enjoy themselves, avoiding direct conversation or even eye contact, or displaying clinical symptoms of anxiety every time they are in a room alone with you.

By the time they are about 11, the DC will be permitted to express their own opinion to the court via CAFCASS, but an implacably hostile parent has significant influence over the child, who will often cite whatever their RP wants as their preferred contact arrangement.

So, if the OP and her DP can find some way of reconciling his independent life with his DCs, and her detachment from that, this may be the best possible solution.

Thank you all for your advice.

We have spent the last few weeks sailing and I have come to the conclusion to stop stressing. I have two wonderful children, a job I love and I am happy. Also have very lovely boyfriend ??

I can't change her or him, so I need to concentrate on what I can change.

I feel very sad that I can't have a relationship with his children but she takes great delight in telling all and sundry how wonderful she is as a mother and her children can't understand why he left her for me.

I suppose, it's detachment. But I can't stop beating myself up about it. ( she is/was abusive. Only opinion worth anything is hers. So kids don't bother as it is probably wrong.)