The ever magic £20

[DiamondsAndDust]

Sorry this is a second thread from me in as many hours but just aaarggh!!

DH and I have 3 children together and he has a DD from a previous relationship. DSD lives with us and has done since she was 15 months old. She's now 7. I've been doing a bit of Christmas online shopping this afternoon (check out my thread about furbys in chat). Before I left to go and pick DSD and the DC up from school I asked DH to send DSD's mum an email asking if there's anything she wanted to get DSD so we know not to double up. It was all very polite.

With matters about DSD it tends to be via email as it's easier and proof of what's been written/sent and received.

The email received in response is:

"XDP,

I am well aware that you have DSD with you full time. That is why I pay CSA. What do you use that for? Get her something out of it for a change."

We get £20 a month off her. It must be a magic bloody £20 as she seems to think it pays and stretches for everything.

So sorry to hear that Diamonds. Did she confirm it again?

What will you do?

Do you buy a present and pretend that it is from her? That would stick in my craw a bit, but would it make dd happy?

I can't believe she doesn't want to put any thought at all into something special for her DD. that makes me feel so sad on her behalf.

We don't see SDC much because of differing countries and very awkward ex, but it doesn't stop us sending gifts to let them know we are here, and we care.

I would feel a huge urge to write down all the costs involved in raising a child and how quickly £20 runs out against 50% of those costs, but It's already a really goady statement so just walk away from it and just enjoy your Christmas together as much as you can.

Hi Wally,

I think we'll just plod along as normal. There's no point in buying DSD a separate present set aside and trying to soften the cushion by saying it's from mum as she'll already make it know to DSD (for her own conscience) that the presents she gets from Santa are contributed by mummy too as she also helps Santa by giving Daddy money to give to him.

It bloody grates on me how little interest she takes in her daughter - but what can you do apart from try and rise above it, give DSD the best possible Christmas and hope she grows wise to what's going on when she's old enough to understand.

She sounds like an absolute cow. I'm sorry your dsd has to put up with that, and sorry you do too.

He was right to walk away. Just buy what you want. So, one year the child gets two of something. Maybe. Unlikely. No biggie. Avoid the stress.

Poor kid. Her own mother can't even buy her a Xmas present!

Similar situation here, £20 a month for dsd2.

Although at least she does manage to buy dsd2 aged 15 some socks at Xmas!

Agree with NKF - another time don't even bother asking her. If SD got a duplicate it'd be a miracle by the sounds of it and communicating with her on this issue just reinforces how mean and feckless she is .... it's one thing to know that, but perhaps, somehow, seeing it written down in black and white all over again, makes it extra hard to bear. You know she's crap - why torture yourself by putting yourselves in a position where she gets another opportunity to "justify" her uselessness with insulting remarks about you "scrounging" off her ?

I'm sure it won't be long before SD realises what her mum's like. If she hasn't already started to. Not that that is a pleasurable realisation for SD of course, but might make you feel slightly better about things once you know that her mother's lies will be taken with a pinch of salt.

£20 a month and she thinks that covers xmas gifts? Pathetic!

I think I get where Rooners was coming from though, it came across as trying to understand the mindset behind such an attitude, not that she agreed with it in any way. That's how I read it.

You sound like a lovely SM Diamonds.