so DSD's Mum is off on her holiday but

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

She wants her on Mothers day which is also DHs 40th birthday. Her mum is going on a 2 week trip to the Caribbean the following day with her boyfriend so wont see dsd for 3 weeks. She has now asked to have dsd on mothers day as 'she'll miss her so much'. I am fuming, I have planned a lovely family day which celebrates both dhs big birthday and mothers day with in laws.

Dsd said she isnt really interested in spending time with her mum as she has been feeling pushed out by the new bf. I know I might be ranty and unreasonable but if she's going to miss her so much then why not go in the holidays and take her too?

Rant over, thanks for reading.

[ElenorRigby]

Inga
For what's its worth, for clarity I am a step mum.
I really understand where your coming from.
It's really shit as a stepmum when a BM doesnt really give a shite about her DC's but insists on having "special days" like birthdays, christmas, mothers day for herself to bolster their ego

Your DSD is already resenting this.

Just sit back and let your DSD's mother hang herself by her own actions!

[lunar1]

Eleanor, what a horrible attitude. Their is a child in the middle of all this!

Can I ask though what is a BM?

[SweetSeraphim]

Biological mother lunar

[MsIngaFewmarbles]

I disagree lunar. As long as any child has a reliable loving person to have a good relationship with then they are safe and can be happy.

If DSDs mum chooses to put herself and bf ahead of her daughter there is nothing I can do about that and neither can DH. All we can do is offer a safe loving home and make sure our animosity towards her actions isn't apparent. I dont see that we have a responsibility to try and sort out the mother/daughter relationship. That is up to her mum.

[WakeyCakey]

As a step mum,
No matter what DSD's mum does, no matter how many weekends away she has or short notice changes she makes, she should see her daughter on Mother's Day!
I love my DSD too but to me she needs to have Mother's Day with her mum! Not with me.

You came into this family knowing that you wouldn't be put first, that's what becoming a stepmum is! Realising that there is someone more important than you there.

She is 9 years old, this is about giving her that chance to make memories with her mum no matter what it does to you!
Sorry because you are defensive and you haven't got the answers you want. Have a cake for DH's birthday but have a party once his ex is away you have a couple of weeks to plan so what's the problem!

I think you are being selfish even though you are trying to hide it. Have Mother's Day with your children and let DSD's mum have the same DH can have a belated birthday by a week can't he, he's 40 not 4!

[lunar1]

You could protect a child from grown up issues though. Why tell her about the email? Why put her in the middle. You see yourself as so superior, yet you are not acting in her best interests either.

[sanityseeker75]

MsIngaFewmarbles I am a SM as well as a M, it is a very tricky situation as art of me thinks just let the girl go, at least she gets some one on one time with M before she goes off, on the other I can clearly see that this is just another game play scenario that has happened to us many a time.

If M is going away on the Monday will she be dropping off on the Sunday? If so I would suggest that your DSD stays at moms on Saturday night and comes to you mid afternoon so she gets the best of both worlds.

It may grate on you (and put you out a bit) but at least you are then being reasonable and are offering you a compromise.

We have EW access and strangely my DSC M has never been that bothered by Mothers day I guess she knows she is their mom and therefore doesn't need a particular day to tell her so (and probably just enjoys spending her day not having to pick up after kids and cook dinner etc - which then just makes it another day with a card and pressie)