Christmas and New Years.

[Macchiato]

How do you, in your family, work the arrangements for Christmas and New Years?

We take it in turns.

1 year we get the xmas week and the next we get the New Year week.

It's fair and the children get to experience Xmas in both homes.

Works for us so far but we established that a long time ago so we are all used to it.

We used to alternate Christmas week and New year week. Apart from of course when DH's ex would decide to change things at last minute. Usually putting a guilt trip on the kids of her being lonely on Christmas day as she has "no family" (she has fallen out with her parents, sister and brother and prevents the children from seeing any of them). We however, have eachother, therefore we dont need to see them apart from to collect presents. It's all been utterly crap.

Now they are older they come and go as they please and in fact DSS2 lives with us so she has to beg him to go and see her.

We dont worry about it now - we just say we're doing X on christmas Day and they can be there if they want. If not, then no problem, we'll just see them another day. Really cant be arsed with the games any more to be honest. They do ask why we dont take them to the theatre any more between Christmas and New Year (which they used to love) and we just say it's because we have often booked tickets, agreed it with your mum and then she changed plans so we are not doing it any more!!!!

Our Xmas is a logistical nightmare!
DP has his dc either the week up to Xmas day or the week from Xmas day to NY. Handover time according to the bible contract is 2pm and the world will end if they are a minute late to either parent!
My dc go to their dads at 3pm every Xmas day until boxing day.
so Christmas dinner is always ruined because skids either have to go at 2pm or they arrive at 2pm having already eaten!!

Dinner has to be done by 3 so mine can go (although we have had my ex waiting with a cuppa while we eat before!)
This year my family are here for dinner so I will be cooking for 1. Skids go home at 2 and my dc go at 3.
I intend to be installed on the sofa with a bottle of red wine by 4.00 and I won't move until bedtime lol!!!

Not sure if this helps Kaluki, but we have our Christmas meal in the evening so that a) we have a relaxing day and can go for a walk, visit neighbours, relatives etc in the morning and b) if kids eat elsewhere at lunchtime but want to join us in the evening they can - and if not, we have a lovely cosy evening in on our own! Has been blissful so far.

I was also laughing about the "must not be late" comment as we used to get shouted at if kids were returned 2 minutes early : "You're EARLY!!!!!" LOL.

When I was little I would spend Christmas with one parent and new year with the other.
It would be swapped each year so both parents had a turn at Christmas.

I have thought about that but then my dc will miss dinner.
His mum always has a huge family tea with all their cousins and my boys love going there so changing that isn't an option. Maybe i should just chain myself to the kitchen and cook two Christmas dinners!!!!

The dreaded xmas arrangements, we in past years have had the following pattern, this goes for me with my DS and ex and for DP and the skids and his ex - we alternate each year, 1 year we will have xmas eve and up to 1pm xmas day, the other has 1pm (inclusive xmas dinner) and boxing day. other days around xmas can vary or usual routine takes place. As we live 5=10 mins apart of exes this can works well for us.
We have always preffered this as do the kids as they get to see all of us on the day and you get either the xmas morning excitment or xmas lunch.
There's never an ideal in split families how to do it and im sure as the kids get older they will have their own ideas and preference which of course we will adjust to suit.
DP ex has said this year she would rather switch to all day xmas day every other year, DP is not keen as the first year they divorced he did not see them xmas day and said it was very depressing (especially as he has no other family to spend it with) and the last thing you want to do is spend it with other peoples kids when you are missing your own - not sure what the resolution to that request will be.

I see his point Ray. The years when DP picks his up at 2 and mine leave at 3 have been very depressing for me.
Christmas day is the one time when I wish I was with my ex still - it used to be so simple . Dinner at my mums tea at his mums and everyone else to us for boxing day!!

Its so sad to realise so many ex's use the festive season ruin their ex's time with their kids. My parents were divorced when i was 5 and I never spent a christmas day with my dad as a child after that, but has a second Christmas on Boxing day which my brother and I loved.

Even as an adult the strength of feeling from my mum that dad never deserved any of our time and we were being disloyal to give him any time at all, meant I only ever spent one whole Christmas with him before he died (he died very young) which is a source of great regret and resentment that i dont think I will ever really get over.

My Partner has 2 children with his ex and has never been allowed to have them to see their faces light up when they open their presents on Christmas morning. Instead he would get them at some random time (no matter what you have organised, the timingchosen fo rtheir pick up scews it up) , towards the end of Christmas day when we are all wanting to just veg out and we would have to lift the energy for a second Christmas present event which they were pretty unmoved by usually.

Its totally unsatisfactory and miserble.
DP would love to have had the boys more, any time, and because of that his time with them was restricted and manipulated, and taken away at short notice.

Sadly now, due to total breakdown of relationships DP does not see his two older childen at all, and it is heartbreaking. He is heartbroken. I do not know what this Christmas will be like...pretty quiet for sure.

We get nothing and never have in 10 years, despite DSDs living just 15 mins away. We are always just allotted the 27th to the 31st, never any talk of us having them for Xmas or new year. Actually, reading this thread has reminded me what a bitch Dh's ex is and why dsd1 is now alienated. We never stood a chance. I've seen iron rods with more flexibility than the ex.

We have an arrangement whereby SK6 spends from the end of school until the 27th December with one parent and the 27th to the start of the new term with the other parent. It alternates each year so last year we had him for Xmas, this year we have him for NY.

Well my Ex has said he now wants contact with DS after saying he did not want to see him any more. I hate the arsehole but my DS doesn't.

Ex is having him for 5 days and bringing him back Christmas day night. I am working christmas day so better that he is with his dad. We are going to try and alternate with him having up to a week either before christmas or starting from boxing day. However, I work set shifts as a nurse so clearly if I am working then he can have DS even if he has him the year before.

We have never discussed New Year actually...must think about that.