Quick question on baths/showers

[Lilypad34]

We will be having dsd (8) for a full 2 weeks (I will be doing most of the care as dp will be working) starting next week.

I am very hot on hygiene, I have seen dsd arrive at ours unbathed for 3 days. I give her a choice bath or shower, whining will normally follow! Question is, how do I get her to wash daily without all the drama?

Thank you

Maybe I should not give my opinion here as I actually don't know! I have a 4 yr old, but I honestly thought that a bath/shower ever day for an 8 yr old is not/should not be an 'issue'. It is a private thing at that age and I just can't imagine it is completely necessary... every day. I really can't. She obviously is not at ease with it so I would be tempted to leave it.

So now an 8 year old who doesn't shower every day is a health hazard?? Spreading germs in her wake?

I am with you seeker unless there is something I am totally unaware of, why an 8 year old girl HAS to have a shower every day, because she is told to, is beyond me.

I only just had a shower now and I am 42, stinking all day I was

The idea of not washing my stepsons daily is pretty gross to me. They're really active little boys and get sweaty, play in mud etc. The eldest is seven and while miles from puberty (quite a dainty little kid) definitely starts to smell.

Although maybe I just have really mucky kids

It's a pick your battles issue.

And who knows? She might possibly be digging her heels in because she thinks you're tacitly criticising her mum. In which case back right off!

Yes indeed seeker

seeker the OP referred to washing every day not showering.

Do you not expect DCs to strip-wash every day when they don't bath or shower?

I personally can't bear the thought of allowing DCs to go days without washing their genitals, hands, face etc particularly given my DSS lousy table manners - but hey, perhaps I'm overly fastidious and should allow my DSS to rummage through my kitchen cupboards with god knows what on his fingers !

An 8 year old shouldn't need to bath/shower everyday. Does her hair get very greasy after only a couple of days? Otherwise a quick wash at the sink should suffice, if she's pre-puberty.

Hi

Having the same problem with my 14.5 YO DSD.
She appears not to change her underwear all weekend (I have never washed any and she doesnt seem to take anything back with her) and never showers when she is here despite all the "gentle encouragement" and nice stuff..she has had worms recently and does not flush the loo either (just posted in AIBU about this). She has not started periods (dreading this..) and her clothes are often filthy (she doesn't seem to care)..

All really hard to take on board and I feel sorry for her, I have tried to be sensitive but she smells.

Possible that standards of hygene are not high at her home, I suspect not. Its very difficult for a SM to get involved without looking prissy or controlling.

What the hell is 'strip-wash'

Bath/shower twice a week for an 8 year old - especially if they are not in their own home and perhaps feeling anxious. Again, maybe I am missing something. But I really don't think a normal 8 year old little girl is going to be stinky.

taxiforme you sound sensitive and kind ... but a nearly 15 year old and an 8 year old are not the same thing - at all!

pick your battles, you cant impinge your standards on her, every 2/3 days is fine.

We'll of course they wash their hands- before every meal and every tinectfey use the loo! Washing hands is a completely different matter!

A bath or shower twice a week??!!! Urgh I'm sorry but I find that quite odd. She does smell both myself and dp have noticed it, she's a very active child and is always hot. She will wake up in the morning her hair all sticky and put clothes on over the pants she's worn the day before and during the night. Im shocked that anyone would find that acceptable.

She has been several times to the doctors 3 times for thrush and twice for worms, it's therefore important she wipes properly and learns to keep herself clean. Just because her mum chooses not to do this do we then have to standby and allow it. It's not fair on her, she doesn't know any better.

All I asked is for suggestions to end the bath time drama not if anyone thought a was a hygiene nut!!!

I'd love the LED shower head!!! I shall take her into Lush pretty sure she'll love it!

OP I agree- Calypso, a bath or shower twice a week is definitely ergh! Especially if you're unsure of what a strip-wash is!

I agree that children should have a bath or shower every day or at least every other day with a strip-wash inbetween. Sweaty, mucky,
muddy, food encrusted little children, who often haven't quite mastered "wiping" effectively every time need washing every day. My dd and dss are bathed very day, hair washed very other day unless thyve been getting muddy, mucky or it's been really hot and sticky.

FYI A strip wash is where you fill a sink, stand on a towel, strip and then wash- face, pits and bits and all over. Alternative to a shower or bath but not quite. We do this on the odd occasion we've stayed out later, cinema, day out, meal out etc and the kids are too tired or it's too late for a bath.

lilypad I think I have totally misunderstood... I presumed that an 8 year old would wash her hands after going to the loo, wash face and hands and clean teeth before going to bed and that soiled clothing would be taken away and fresh clothing left for the morning. A lovely bubble bath twice or three times a week.

If she does not know how to wipe her bottom properly at 8 years old and puts the same underwear on every day then that is really unhygenic.

So, it is not really a case of a bath/shower every day as if she does this and still puts on dirty clothes then it is not great is it?

You can't just say a blanket "no 8 year old needs to shower every day" all kids are different.

My 7 year old DD showers every morning. She washes her hair every other morning AND she uses a stick deodorant. If she didn't, she'd smell.

Her armpits started getting smelly at the start of this year. She's very active, she sweats at night even with a permanent fan in her room and her hair gets greasy if it's left more than 2 days. The hair thing may be because I use the Vosene nit spray stuff on her - but that's better than nits!

DD doesnt like being smelly, but doesnt particularly like washing, I think most kids go through a phase of that. Luckily she understands (and knows that I won't cuddle up with a stinky kid!)

OP the Lush idea is a great one, DD loves the bath bombs and melts. Plus I buy her the 'honey I washed the kids' and 'rockstar' soap just for her to use.

Good luck!

A strip wash sounds much harder work than a shower to me. Are you sure they weren't invented in a time when people didn't have constant hot water and it was a good way to get e decent wash from a kettle full of water?

This is such a straw man debate. "I think it's disgusting if an 8 year old doesn't have a shower every day" "No it isn't, most 8 year old's don't need to shower that often" "What, you mean it's OK for a child to only wash their hands and faces every three days, wear the same pants night and day for 3 days and not wipe their bottoms properly? How disgusting are you!"

So, seeker returning to the OP - what advice do you have for those of us whose DSC's personal hygiene doesn't live up to your our own standards?

Whether that is clean knickers every day, hands washed after the toilet or a strip wash doesn't really matter - if they object, lie, create or downright refuse to keep themselves as clean as we believe they should be, what do you suggest we can do about it?

Some of these are non negotiable, obviously. But it is really important to decide which battles are worth fighting. Washing hands after the loo, and clean pants every day are non negotiable. A shower every day is not a battle worth having.

Again, I agree with seeker

But how do you fight those battles as a SM?

I don't see the need every day-however I would have thought it fairly easy-just run a bath for her at bedtime. It will become routine and not worth arguing about.

To be fair I'd compromise if I were a step mum in this situation but I would definitely given her a worming tablet when she arrives!

I wouldn't make a fuss but I might have a few chats about hygiene and smelling and teasing at school if you don't take care of yourself; how important it is for girls to be clean, etc..

I would also make sure shower gel/bubbles, etc., were allergy free and possibly oilatum type products with a bit less of the trips to lush etc., if she's prone to itching and thrush. I would make lots of +ve comments about how pretty she looks with clean hair and make a fuss of her generally.

I would aim for a shower every other day, I would buy her some anti-perspirant and body spray and emphasis how there is no point using it if you aren't clean in the first place. This because the OP has said she is prone to body odour (as was my dd at 8 and she didn't like washing/bathing at that age either and it was a battle to be fair)

If all that failed, I would take her swimming at least a couple of times a week partly because it's fun and partly because it's a non-confrontational way of ensuring a quick shower before and a thorough one with shwr gel after and she'll probably have a great time and think you're cool enough to listen to about other things.

It must be a hard role to play.

Sorry but if she's getting itchy Lush products are not a good idea, they'll make the problem worse.

I think when you're settling her in, just mention that you all shower/bath everyday and that's what she'll be doing. Then change the subject before she gets a chance to moan.