DSD given too many choices again!

[wickedestsminthewest]

I had enough. Dh and I have been planning to take dsd to France for a week in August. Frankly I am dreading spending a week with her but of course it is her divine right to have a holiday so it must be done.
He checked the dates with her mum and she said they were okay. He told dsd of our plans over the phone while she was with mum and she complained because she wanted to go somewhere hotter and said as we're staying with my aunt it's not a proper holiday (aunt owns a fabulous guest house in the Loire valley and also has space for dsd to bring her friend) anyway, he told her those were the plans and that's what we're doing.
Now this morning her mum has emailed to say "I agreed to your dates but only if dd wants to go, if she doesn't I'm not going to make her"
Arghhhh FFS! She's 13... She'll do what she's told like the rest if us had to at that age! After all the shit that's gone on since December dh was feeling excited about spending a week with his dd and thought he was doing a nice thing, only for those two to shit all over it.
There have also been photos on FB of dsd with her stepdad and all her mums friends are in there commenting that they look so scarily alike and how he could be her Dad. It's so sad. Dsd doesn't even like her sd yet is having this happy family forced on her in order for her mum to be able to rewrite history and make out that dh doesn't exist.
I really do fear for dsd's future with all this shit parenting and point scoring.
(sorry, ranty)

that's great. :)

I'm now waiting for the conversation about when the trip out to buy her holiday wardrobe will occur (fingers in ears tra la la lalaaaaa)

Glad you sorted it out. Hope your DSD doesn't manage to convince her friend that it'll be boring - but water parks and sunshine ought to tempt them. Even the Loire Valley is generally much warmer than the UK. And they have wonderful cake shops in France :)

I'm finding it similarly tough to get used to kids who don't really appreciate being taken on holiday - my two are always really excited to be going on holiday. Even just visting family is a fun treat. I've found it hard to get used to DP's DCs who are really over-priviledged in that respect - their mum takes them away at least 4 times a year (though mostly in the UK) - and they moan about being taken on too many holidays . Makes me want to shake them and tell them how lucky they are - or tell their mum to give the money to some other family whose kids would really enjoy a holiday. I also worry that my kids enthusiasm will be knocked out of them by moaning by DP's DCs

ok, at 13 i personally believe that a 13 year old has the right to an oppinion, if this were the nuclear family holiday (both parents together) i highly doubt the 13yo would be allowed to stay home on her own, so why should this be different because its separate families? my advice would be to ask her why she doesn't want to come (do it while making dinner or in a car journey or something just bring it up where she can't run away or all the attention is not on her) if she has a reason of she thinks is boring or something explain what you might be doing and stuff and make it magical (i know not much can be magical at 13 :P ) but i remember at 15 i was forced to go on a christmas holiday, and me and my dad kinda made a little thing that we would both be there together and if 1 has to endure the hell the other does to it really helped me get through it and we went on little adventures together leaving the mean grandparents and mother to there boring stuff, basicly what i'm saying is think outside the box of what would be fun, look at what she likes to do normally and try and incorperate that into the holiday, if you completely force it on her and make it an 'adult' holiday your just gonna push her away, bu no means am i saying let her wiggle her way out of the holiday, she's allowed to do that when she's older in my personal oppinion

plus most of the discussion on here about what seems to have turned into who has the better parenting style is slightly odd... there are different oppinions of how to raise children, personally i was brought up in quite an authoritarian parenting style.. (the dictatorship) and it worked for my family and worked for when i had to look after my brother it purely depends on your family and your DC's (just thought to add a small amount of psychology to your discussion :P )

Purple,

It's turned my DS the other way. We've always been ones to go out and about and do things. DSC never want to go anywhere or do anything. I can count on one hand with fingers left the times they have done anything with their Mum, including visiting family in 4 years, so it's not like they're sick of it like your DSC seem to be. My DS is now extra enthusiastic because he can see how draining and apathetic DSC are and he doesn't want to be that way.

OP - I'm glad you got it sorted, no reason why everyone can't do things they enjoy on holiday but letting a child dictate the whole situation is very wrong and very unhealthy for everyone, especially the child.

Good luck with the clothes shopping, my DSC are just an uninterested in that as holidays, hopefully yours will show a bit more enthusiasm!

Therenhen - I get down about my DSD only having enthusiasm for things that involve having money spent on her - but I think id cry more often if she showed enthusiasm for nothing how boring. Glad your DS sees it's abad way to be.