DP asked me this rather odd, inappropriate question this morning

[Tylerm]

In August we are going on a family holiday to turkey. Going will be me, DP, DSD (14) and my DD (12). This morning I was telling him about my recent eye-brow wax and said I would book an appointment to get the bikini line done so that as it gets closer to august - I will be used to it. He then said "oh yes, I should book DD in too". I was confused at this point and said "what do you mean?" and he said his DD would also need a bikini wax doing before the holiday. She's 14!!
I'm not sure why but this made me feel so uncomfortable. We have had many issues with him treating her as the other adult in the house and giving her "spousal duties" but this just made me feel weird. Or am I old fashioned???

Very weird on so many levels. A 14 year old hasn't necessarily started going through puberty, for one thing. And I think at that age I would've done just about anything instead of going for a bikini wax - how embarrassing would it be for a self-conscious teenage girl?!

again petal, lots of girls grow u without mothers. what are they to do when they need tampons? call an aunty to go and et them? it's about time eole realised that periods and the like are nothing to be ashamed about and no father should be made to feel as if he is creepy for caring for his DD the same way her mother is expected to do. there is no need for periods to be a secret that ment are kept from.

I don't think that sounds too weird. Sounds like he's picked up on the female pre-hols routine and thinks his daughter will probably want to do that too - which I expect she will at 14.

Have you posted about this whole partner and his daughter and their odd relationship thing before? 'Ganging up', whispering in corners, etc Personal hygiene?

I may be confusing you with someone else, apologies if so. If it is you, then this isn't going to change and it's just a big, messed up pile of crap that you really need to get away from. If it is you, I thought you were planning to. If it's not you sorry.

and many have needtodust. i started puberty aged about 9 with pubic hair being the first sign. at 14 it was definitely in full swing and my dad definietly knew (because he is an adult and could process the fact that his female child was developing normally!). if this girl is going on holiday it is very possible she will want to wear a swimming costume or bikini and there is nothing wrong with her wanting to remove any pubic hair that would be seen outside of her costume. it has nothing to do with sex.

oh i know who you mean hecate.

To the father/period comment,
I remember when I about 14 & needing some tampons & my dad popping in asda & saying 'go-one get some then, theirs no need to be embarrassed' of course I was mortified at the time.

So, I can't imagine the daughter asking her dad for a bikini wax, but thats just me.
I find it very, very strange that he even thought about the fact she may need one? What is with kids these days, needing to be tanned, waxed & made-up all the time?

I too think dads running a mile is a more normal reaction. It's nothing to do with being unhealthy but to do with there, understandably, being a limit to which families can discuss sex stuff. My dad was aware when I started my periods but there was absolutely no discussion of it and he certainly wasn't aware of things like when I developed pubic hair

Also I think asking your dad to buy you some sanitary towels is a bit different from him offering to get you some (or suggesting you get a bikini wax).

well maybe it is a normal raction in your exerience. that doesn't mean that a man who doesn't run a mile is creepy.

well we dont know if he did suggest it yet. we know he said to OP that he thought he should book her an appointment but OP hasn't said whether this girl normally gets waxed or what the relationship is between father and daughter. like i said, if this is something the dd has had done in the past and asked her dad to make her the appointment then it could be that he is pre-empting teh fact that she will ask him again. we dont know enough details so i'm certainly not calling SS based on what we do know.

Does she sleep in the box room?

I have read these posts of yours before and posters really shouldn't indulge you

Buying sanpro --perfectly fine so long as the dd concerned is happy with it. Some would be, some wouldn't. Up to them

I cannot imagine circumstances where it's OK for a dad to suggest his dd needs a bikini wax. if she wants to talk about it to him then that's fine. not OK at all for him to suggest it. Actually not particularly ok for a mother to suggest it to a 14 year old either.

that is so weird it's almost unbelievable, I can see why you were so shocked. I can only imagine that your DP sees his daughter as a woman and not as a child. How very sad for her. I do hope you can have a chat with him about this and also reset some boundaries in advance of your holiday.

I don't think you are old-fashioned at all, god no. If she was (excuse the phrasing) sprouting out of her bikini then I would suggest she is not wearing age appropriate swimwear and needs something lower cut.

Oh, cripes. The thought of bikini waxing being something a parent organises for their child just seems wrong to me.

At 14 though I was already shaving my legs, my parents were definitely not actively encouraging me to make myself more aesthetically appealing.

I think if her dad suggests it it implies it is something she should be doing, whereas it is ultimately a woman's choice whether to tidy up or not.

If her Mum is anywhere in the picture, this has potential to cause a big row.

"I also think its incredibly weird for her father to suggest it. Like creepy weird."

I think those of you who think this are weird and probably man haters. To me it just seems like he was suggesting the OP and DD go together to get ready for their holiday. I had hair sticking out the sides 14 and would have jumped at the chance.

"I think those of you who think this are weird and probably man haters"

Yep. Man hater here!

The alarm going off on my bullshit detector's giving me a headache

wow, how times have changed

I wouldn't have even known what a bikini line was at 14

Apologies for being slow on the uptake - is this thread a wind up?

FFS box room again.?

YOU NEED TO LEAVE THIS RELATIONSHIP.

Are you allowed to sit in the front of the car yet?

inappropriate?

Assuming DSD is DPs daughter, not in the least inappropriate. In the sense that he is trying to recognise that she's growing up and may want to do grown up women's things.

It's inappropriate only because bikini waxes are totally inappropriate for any woman of any age!

DH is far more likely to remind DD1 (also 14) that she might want to shave her legs before swimming than I am. Nothing inappropriate, he's just far more organised than we are.
he's been asked to shave mine 5 minutes before we are due out the house, once too often.

Cough, Cough

Box room

Cough

I had an extremely good relationship with my dad and was able to discuss things that my mum wouldn't of been comfortable talking about. I grew up well rounded as I learnt from a early age (very inquisitive child) that if I needed to know anything -dad would know or find out. I never had to guess or take chances because I was able to ask an adult. We had long conversations about things my friends would have cringed at.
He always went to buy my sanitary protection.
As for the waxing question - we don't know back story and some young people can feel very worried about body hair. I think most young people get hold of a razor and shave off hair and the cuts from razors can be very bad. A friend of mine has never shaved. She had waxing done before and as a result her hair is much finer than it would have been and she hasn't got any scars from where she slipped wi a razor. So maybe it isn't a bad suggestion especially if he aware that she is worried about hair. Maybe last summer she wore shorts over swimsuit all holiday or something.