Needing to find ways to cope

[Smurfy1]

background We got DSD full time last month her mum decided that DSD was an awful child and she couldn't cope with her? The mum has 4 kids with 3 dad's and the 2 youngest have also been sent to their dad's they are 2 & 4yrs

DSD is 10 and a great kid really love her to bits but she has had significant emotional and physical abuse byt her mum ad stepdad :-(

I know it's only been 6 weeks since we got custody BUT we should surely be getting through to DSD by now shouldn't we?

Today she got told off for filling the shampoo bottle with water I mean WTF she's 10 surely she can bath by herself without things like this, I found out by needing to wash my hair before nightshift and watery shampoo coming out instead grrrr

so she was asked why
I dont know and a shrug
pushed and the answer was it fell in bath
okay so why didnt you tell us and a shrug this time witha scared face
so she was explained to again that this isn't mummys house and if you just tell us we would have been able to salvage or buy a replacement but you have to tell us as the flats too small to hide things from us, we are not angry you did it just angry you hid it then once she'd apologised we gave her a hug and we thought nothing of it.

At 9pm when OH switched off the dvd and the light she told him her leg hurt he took a look and she had cut herself on the thigh it turns out with his razor!!!!!!!

He feels like shite I'm at work feeling like shite and she cant express why just that she had been bad and that she needed puncished christ i can feel the tears coming just typing this

OH tried to explain that it's not upto her to punish herself and that the adults do this and she kept repeating at mummy's

She starts the counselling Nurture club at school tomorrow but we just feel so helpless and can't see how this can improve if she doesnt believe what we say

Last tuesday she said she thought she would be in trouble at school but the teacher didnt tell her off for anything I asked so why did you think this her answer "i just thought it was time"

I just feel so fucking angry at what the BM has done to gorgeous delightful child who now has no self esteem, thinks she is worthless

I would recommend giving your dsd a multi-vitamin and large amounts of vitamin d (2000iu/day) as she is probably deficient in all sorts of nutrients because of her background and this may help with her eating issues (there is some research backing this up).

Thanks

We already are giving her vitamins and her height has shot up :-), her teeth are now perfect and she has now said some of what mummy has done to her, we are 2 weeks away from CAHMS initial assessment so I am focussing on that but the Backchat GAH lol atleast she isnt scared of us huh

It does seem to rear its head (the bad behaviour etc) if she thinks we havent acted how mum would have so she seems to push us to get the reaction as she wants it over and done with as if we are saving up punishment to spring on her, this came about again this weekend (i had a night out) and she was acting very very off with me the Sat morning it came out after major hugs and talking that mummies get very angry when they drink and kids get in trouble so the poor weeone thought she was in trouble when she hadnt anything and I dont get angry when drunk/ hungover anyway

Loads of mountains to come LOL

Well we had the CAHMS appointment and after 2 hours they have said that we have done a great job so far and they dont think they are required as "she will open up in time"

Most things we are dealing with by being consistant but when I am working nights she either refuses to do what her dad tells her really acting up and treating him like he's stupid or destroying things and taking things of mine

Today i found that last night she took my anti wrinkle serum (didnt work anyhoo lol) and hid her dirty clothes and threw her bra top out of the window along with bits of a destroyed toy

No point grounding her/ taking away TV as that was what caused last night (she had used some expensive bath products of mine on my Wednesday nightshift) as that will just lead to a vicious circle

So do you think the following will work 1. talking to her about when i work nights that its not because i dont want to be with her buit because I have to (we have had this talk b4 ) 2. getting her to bin everything I have found and not replacing do I include the clothes though? 3. not making a big deal out of it so she doesnt think it gets her attention?

6 months in today and nothing actually gets me angry just sad that someone could do this to a child