Question for SM who have DC's with their DH/DP

[NotaDisneyMum]

Did your DP/DH tell your DSC's mum that you were pregnant - if so, at what stage in the pregnancy, and what were his reasons for doing so?

I have suspected for some time that my exH fiancée is pregnant - he proposed, they are buying a bigger house and have just bought a people carrier; and yesterday, my DP saw her and said that it was pretty obvious that she has a bump (although admits he's a bloke about these things so can't be sure).

My DD (11) hasn't mentioned anything to me about it - she does hold back on this sort of thing though; she eventually told me that her Dad/SM had got engaged several weeks after the event.

DD spends 50% of her time with her Dad, so it's going to have a big impact on her life; but I don't know if she knows yet or not, and until she mentions it to me, I can't say anything.

We didnt tell exW mainly because if we'd told her before DSD it would have been greated with 'Why the fuck are you telling me, I dont care' and then SHE would have told DSD... We told DSD(5) who was really happy but said did her mum have to find out as she didnt want her to say nasty things about us!! We left it up to DSD to mention it when she was ready.. he mums response was 'woopdy fucking dooo, they are probably lying' yes that was her response to her 5 year old daughter! We told DSD and everyone else at 13 weeks, only myself and DP (and mumsnet) knew before then due to complications.

I think it all depends on the situation, you know your exH isnt going to tell you, so maybe just casually mention to DD that now they are getting married and a bigger house and car they may be thinking about having some other children...

My ex husband told me as soon as his girlfriend was pregnant the first time - about 4 weeks. She then had a miscarriage - but our 2 boys were oblivious to the whole lot.

The 2nd pregnancy I guessed on a drop off/pick up - there was a Bounty book sitting out. (DS are 5 and 3 so cant read them yet!) Turns out she was 7w and not told anyone. Once she had her scan we sat down together (the three of us) and told them.

In fact she came home from hospital today, so I took the boys over to see their new half sibling. But we do have rather an unusual set up by (mostly) getting on. Even had a nice 20 minute cuddle with their newborn sister myself!

Our children are only 5 and 3, and this was a big impact on their lives which is why we were all three (me, ex and new gf) involved. But if your daughter is older maybe she'll deal with it all ok? Maybe they havent told anyone yet? I showed very early with DS1 (like 6 weeks due to fertility treatment!) but still kept quiet.

We told DSS at 12 weeks, and told his mother after we had spoken to him about it. We wanted to be able to gage his reaction without her input. He was (and is) thrilled, very excited.

She reacted VERY badly, wished DD and I dead and has done nothing but cause problems. It's alright for her to have a DD with her DP but obviously not okay for me and DH!

We told her out of respect once we knew the pregnancy was viable because it will obviously effect DSS in lots of ways. Hopefully they'll speak to your DD soon and then you can discuss it, however I'm sure she'll be thrilled. I know I was when I had my half sister

NotaDisneyMum - I'm sure your daughter will be thrilled about the prospect of a half sibling. But she might be worried about your reaction. I hope you'll do the decent thing for her and share her enthusiasm.

mrsJ oh, no - I hope she doesn't think that!

I'm fairly sure I haven't done anything to give DD a false impression of my feelings about exH, the divorce or his new life - do you detect anything negative in my posts about him moving on with his life that could be inadvertently passed on to her?

NotADisney - No I don't detect anything along those lines at all. But it is a little worrying that your daughter held back for so long from telling you about the engagement. But there is a danger in pumping her for information, even though it might be beneficial for her to be allowed to unload.

Perhaps the new wife to be is just fat?

From memory i think we wanted my DSDs to be the very first to know, so they know how important they are to us. We told them when i was 8 weeks. We told their mum the same day i think as we didn't want to ask my DSDs to 'keep a secret' from their mum. It didn't feel right, especially as they were so excited and totally happy with it. It was early to tell them i suppose but they were old enough to explain that it was still early days and sometimes things go wrong. Whatever other problems we have with their mum, she has been pretty good with sharing in their enthusiasm and encouraging them to speak to her about him.

Sadly we now have major issues with the eldest DSD but it's completely unrelated to the arrival of our DS (now 14 mo). She's 14 and going through the usual teenage stuff except magnified by 100 times, or so it feels. She still loves her brother though.