It's Monday, I am reclaiming my house Again.

[W0rmy]

This thread is for me to get off my chest things that niggle me but I cannot say during the weekend.

I care for them, I have for 13 years, I have done everything for them that a mother would, but they are not mine, not my flesh and blood therefore I cannot ignore some of the irritating, thoughtless and selfish things they do. But I cannot speak of these things because they are not mine.

Feel free to join me, step-parents, perhaps it will help you too.

I'll start..

I don't want to listen to them playing the piano for hours on end, - no it doesn't sound good, no it doesn't sound like the opening cords of that Snow Patrol one.

I don't expect anyone to have to prompt them to say thank you for the meals I prepare.

It bothers me that they wake my young children when they come in late.

It bothers me that they sleep in until midday, then wander around the house in bare feet with dirty toenails, and ignore my children.

I don't want to be told by teenagers how to parent my own children - yes I DO read with them everyday thank you for suggesting it, and no they will not be getting an X-Box.

I would like just once for someone to empty or load the dishwasher.

I do not want my house to smell like damp dogs wearing Hugo Boss aftershave.

I do not ever want to find a wank sock again, ever.

Purpleroses, I completely agree that in a together family, people fit round each other, and adjustments are made by everyone if one member has a specific need. But not in a step family! The foremost thing in our household is the access rota (which serves no useful purpose) and we've had schedule a house move, wedding, gynae operation and two funerals around this. In a together family, this principle would never apply. It amuses me that we use the phrase 'blended family', because in reality very little blending takes place; more like the requirements of the step child come first, with everyone else, including 'second family' children, having to fit around this. Blended my arse!

Well truth must hurt ! I would never expect dh to put me before ANY of his kids and I only have one step child...I am a little more grown up and secure than that and I would be disgusted if dh wanted me to put him before my child. It isn't about letting the kids get away with everything..of course not, it is about realising a child is a child and no doubt already feels excluded from their own family !
You haven't actually comprehended - or even acknowledged - a single thing we've said, have you? I rather pity your stepdaughter, much as I understand you probably pity my SCs.
Why on earth do you assume that a stepchild/our stepchildren feels excluded? Mine certainly do not.
You aren't speaking "truth", you are speaking a bunch of nonsense based on what you've made up in your head.

gooshka, no, I married a widower. The kids were 11 and 13 when I met them.

Colditz you are right that It is DPs fault too. For us I think this Christmas was as bad as it gets and after i walked out we talked about it and he is making more effort to discipline them now. It's hard to undo years of bad habits though. I'm hoping it will improve before they come for 2 weeks in the summer or I will be tearing my hair out!!

Edam - I am also a step-daughter and adore my stepmum who has been in my life for 25 years