It's Monday, I am reclaiming my house Again.

[W0rmy]

This thread is for me to get off my chest things that niggle me but I cannot say during the weekend.

I care for them, I have for 13 years, I have done everything for them that a mother would, but they are not mine, not my flesh and blood therefore I cannot ignore some of the irritating, thoughtless and selfish things they do. But I cannot speak of these things because they are not mine.

Feel free to join me, step-parents, perhaps it will help you too.

I'll start..

I don't want to listen to them playing the piano for hours on end, - no it doesn't sound good, no it doesn't sound like the opening cords of that Snow Patrol one.

I don't expect anyone to have to prompt them to say thank you for the meals I prepare.

It bothers me that they wake my young children when they come in late.

It bothers me that they sleep in until midday, then wander around the house in bare feet with dirty toenails, and ignore my children.

I don't want to be told by teenagers how to parent my own children - yes I DO read with them everyday thank you for suggesting it, and no they will not be getting an X-Box.

I would like just once for someone to empty or load the dishwasher.

I do not want my house to smell like damp dogs wearing Hugo Boss aftershave.

I do not ever want to find a wank sock again, ever.

Round of applause!!

Hear Hear!!!!!

Getting back to the original point of this thread - I too reclaim the house when DSS17 goes home, and the house returns to being My Castle. I don't think many of us are particularly fond of other people's children, but this is about the only place we can admit it.

I reclaim my house when I can start talking freely about politics, hairstyles, work, food, TV programs and newspaper articles without being accused of slagging off DSD's mother and/ or being a snobby bitch after every word I utter.

It's also nice to actually use the food I buy every week rather than throwing away heaps of food because I've bought in things that DSD likes in case she should happen to wish to do me the honour of having dinner with us.

Although - that's more something I'm doing now she isn't coming and I have to say I actually miss having my make up ruined and my body products stolen, my underwear draw riffled through and my clothes tried on which all look better on DSD I'd rather have her here. But I wouldn't be saying that if she was here IYKWIM!

my sdd is 23 now and tbh I have never had the issues you talk off...BUT I never once tried to replace her mum ( we get on really really well) or take preference over her to her dad, she came first ! She was 13 when I first met her and we are not like step mum and daughter now more as friends although her dad is very much her dad and our kids are very much her brothers and sisters. I do feel alot of you think you shoudl take preference over the dh/dp's kids and tbh that is never going to work !

And to add I was be so upset if my child had to live in any of your homes..some of you have awful attitudes to the children caught up in stuff which is nothing to do with them.

Your name perfectly describes your persona! Thanks for your, ahem, helpful input.

Topknob, I'm just waiting for you to tell us "that you all knew what you were getting into ........"

topknob, I expect my DH to put our family first. I expect him to parent his kids, not pander to them. And I expect him to make our relationship as a couple a priority, because it is the backbone of a strong family unit - as indeed it was in his first marriage, in which I guarantee you his wife did not take a back seat, literally or figuratively, to the children. I have no idea what your marriage is like, and assume that it is working for you, but clearly we have different views of partnership.

You don't seem to understand the posters on this board. If I can make a recommendation, you might wish to check out the book Stepcoupling; it is a very good resource.

I have said nothing about my DSCs "which is nothing to do with them" and am unclear what it is you think that they are "caught up in"...I have I think (like others) been at pains to say that often the issue is with my partner's parenting, rather than with the child - but I would not characterise that as "nothing to do with them".

Finally, my stepchildren do not need a friend. They need a (step)parent. My DH asked me to be that to them, and I am doing my best.

gumby, thanks. Sorry you felt that way. To be honest, it is quite hard to find the balance when we are told we are wrong to try to love a child and just as wrong not to try!

RTFT topknob.

No-one has invited nor is interested in your criticism.

I am always curious about this - Stepchild must always and without exception "come above" the step parent.

No biological childs wants and needs come about every adult in the house's wants and needs. A family is a collective who live together and who, led by the adults in the house, should be doing what is best for all involved.

of course children come first in a situation where, say, I have made plans to go out clubbing with my girlfriends and one of the children gets sick - i.e. my plans would be cancelled and I would saty home (stepchild or biochild) But if we're talking about my step daughter wanting to pinch my clothes, riffle through my make-up, bully my DD... then no, her needs and wants don't come before mine.

There is no hierarchy in this home. My DH and I make decisions based on what is best for everyone involved. Well, a lot of the time actually he we make decisions based on what will cause as little ruckus as possible with DSD so he we can have a quiet life. But that is changing...

come above every

It is that very attitude that turns these children into the monsters they are. The children can behave how they like and god forbid they get told off by Daddy or they might not want to come again/tell their Mum etc etc. So children who aren't disciplined and have no boundaries will turn into brats. I agree its not the childs fault and is entirely the fault of the parents.
It is not healthy for a child to be the centre of the universe to such an extent that they dictate to the adults in the family and throw tantrums if they don't get their own way. I haven't bought my own children up that way so why should my step children get away with it.
I don't expect to be put before my stepkids, but I do expect to be respected as AN ADULT and not pushed around and dictated to by a 7 year old girl - who would?
This is such a shame that this thread has gone this way.

kaluki - exactly!

Don't worry Kaluki, as The Queen of this thread I get to decide which posts are relevant and which have no business being here

Thank Goodness for that because it this will be our weekend with all the dc and I am sure I will be feel the need for a vent on Monday!!!
< Curtseys to Queen W0rmy>

I've been reading this thread and can honestly say that I don't feel I get my house back on Monday morning - I don't really feel like it's my house at all.

I work from home and my office is largely mine (although is sometimes infiltrated against my wishes). Our bedroom I have fought very hard to keep the kids out of.

The rest of the house feels like it's theirs. I have no say over what happens and when and am fed up with having to sit in the lounge in the dark while they watch a film, or listen to the sound of their electronic games, or fall over their clothes left lying around, or hear them complaining about what I have cooked or even that they have to stop what they are doing to come and eat it!

Complaining about all the above may make me the wicked witch of the west but that's too bad. I shall complain and drink wine and anyone who doesn't like it can bog off to another forum.

glass if that makes you the wicked witch of the west, than i shall be the wicked witch of the north.

My house is pretty much mine after I found lots of my stuff - kiehls, stella mccartney perfume, none of your cheap stuff !! in my SD's bag ready for her to take away on holiday with her. I lot of those items were gifts as I can't afford it myself.
Her visits have reduced dramatically since the showdown.

I have been the wicked witch for so long for simply not loving my SD whom EVERYONE and I mean EVERYONE else in the whole wide world thinks is AMAAAZINGGGG that I am now much happier she is around much less.

I dont care what people who are not stepmums think. Bog off with your righteousness to another board. This isnt for you.

Well i do love my dsd, having some serious problems this end however for the sake of this thread...
if i find one more dirty pair of pants on my bed for me to put in the hamper i may start taking the elastic out just for a laugh...
if my list of foods that dsd HATES expands anymore i am going to invest in an ink company!
I don't enjoy baking with children i like doing it alone its MY hobby! if you want to join in then don the manifold for once!
and i would love to be able to watch my shit on the Tele rather than every soap she can find on the 900 channels. how about the news just once?
good fun. To all those who think we are complete bitches...

i was not the OW, i love and care for my dsd, i make a point of having a great relationship with her mum so i think my work is pretty much done. step parenting is the bitch!

Marigolds not manifold stupid phone!

Haven't trawled entire thread (did post earlier on though) but I take it there has been the usual criticism that happens when knackered stepmums want to vent FREELY without being slated for it. God, just leave us alone eh? Is there nowhere for us to go and get stuff off our chests which is surely healthier than letting it stew and fester. I have a great relationship with my stepchildren because I DO bite my lip but 10 years of lip biting takes it toll and thank god for places like this where you can (supposedly) have a good moan. If you are not a stepparent but want to tell us we are all vial then sod off as we don't value your opinion at all. If you are stepparent and never have a bad word to say then congratulations but please also sod off and go and polish your halo or something. As someone else stated, this isn't an AIBU thread so nobody asked you!