Nutty Stepmum's Club (NSC) - Who Wants To Join Us? (Thread 2)

[Squirrel3]

Ah ha! I knew I could get it to the two thousand posts!!!!

I tried to phone the Docs on Saturday but they only do emergencies and I don't class not knowing who to chose an emergency. Not being able to have the guts to say "Sorry this isn't working" I finally admit. I need help. I can't do this alone

Anyway how is everyone else.

Squirrel should we start a depressed step mothers club

I have asked DP toleave in Oct and in Jan and both times he was back within 5 weeks because I felt guilty. I don't want to lose Lauren ( DSD) and MIL keeps telling me how bad he is doing. I am trying my best to pretend it is all right but I am kidding myself.

Will you all speak to me if I'm not a step mum anymore

Squirrel we certainly are all having a rough time! But it can only get better...

workingmum what's the situation with the man you had an affair with? Is he still on the scene? Does your DH know how you feel?

Of course we'll still speak to you. Didn't we tell you? You can't ever leave this club once you join

Just spoke to the other. We haveonly started speaking again (he is my brothers boss, I got him the job so it made things easier for me)I went in to see him on Saturday ( my brother) and N was there. He could see I was a mess and gave me a big hug. It made me feel better but hasn't helped at all.
So yes I speak to him but no we aren't as we were. DP has no idea I speak to him but things are tense and trust is minimal. I have to check with him b4 I go anywhere and feel I need to prove where I have been. He is saying snide commemts. He says he is only joking but they hurt. He seems to pick the sore points.
Maybe I should try harder but i don't want to. I want to be happy. To smile wheni think of someone not grimace

And you deserve that workingmum - really you do. You cannot live your life with someone you don't love, and you quite clearly don't love your DH if you're grimacing when you think of him

Don't feel guilty about splitting up with him. Life isn't a rehearsal, you only get one chance at it

but DSD
I love her like my own
I'd never see her again

Blimey I could never imagine feeling like that about my dsd

But are you really going to give up your life for someone else's child? When she grows up you'll probably hardly see her anyway - then what will you be left with?

i've never thougt of it that way. You're right. SHe is 11. Old enough to make her own mind up. DP never spent much time withher b4 me. After we got back from holiday in Spetmeber DSD told me that she had noticed DPwas spending more time in with us and she liked it but by then it was too little too late and she didn't know he was spending time in becasue off the affair. I don't want her to hate me. I've spent 5 years building up her trust and I hate to d this to her

Of course you don't want her to hate you, but you can't live an unhappy life just because you don't want to upset someone else can you? Even if it is a child. She won't be a child forever

In your personal opiniion

Given that MIL lives 6 doors up the road

Should I move out or fight for the house.

Oh NAAM have just read your thread. I don't know what to say. I really feel for you. Why does he not want anymore

Makes my problem sound trivial. Can't believe I;'ve gone on so

Sorry

Personally, with MIL so close I'd move out, BUT only if I could afford to

Don't worry, it's taken my mind off things

He's said from the start that he doesn't wany any children, it's not his fault I changed my mind. Just a sad situation all round where there can be no winners unfortunately

council houses cost the same as own house but run risk of living in a dive

Private rent can be from 300 to 500 a month

Has he got other children, or course he has , ( too much wine) How old are they and does he not understand how you feel. Women feel this more than men.

Hmmmm, with hindsight you'd probably be better staying where you are. Think it'd be better for you child too - the less upheaval (sp?) the better

His dd is 13, yes he knows exactly how I feel but to be fair to him I do realise he can't have a child just because I want one. Must admit though, I found being a stepmum very hard to start with but it's been much harder since I decided I'd like a child because I can't stop thinking "why should I do all this for his child when I can't have my own". But I'm getting there, slowly but surely. He just really p*ssed me off today being so bloody insensitive, but he has realised that

May not help, Being a step mum is harder than a normal mum. You have no real control over what happens.

You sound like you would make a fanastic mother. Tell you what. You can have DD every other weekend. You'll soon change your mind

lol

I've got 10 nieces and nephews I can borrow anytime

the offer is ther
going to bed.
up at 6
night night hun

night

Hello all

How is everyone?

Squirrel have you spoken to the HV yet?

tarantula I would have gone ballistic at DP too! I'd I agree with you, I'd be inclined not to believe it was a one off

Oh bloody hell, not been on for a while, what a time eveyones been having. NAAM, just read ure thread, I'm so for you. Some great advice on that thead, but God what a decision. I have no idea what I'd have done if dh said no more. Squirrel, how stressful, have u thought about getting her to call an advice line while waiting for some help for her, eg samaritains / SANE or one that deals with any particular issue she has? Workingmum, hear hear on the life is not a rehearsal sweetie. However, all tis has given me sharp reality check on feeling crap myself. Maybe it was "National Bash A Stepmum Week" (Hang on that doesn't ome round just once a year....... )

Hello claire

LOL - yes it certainly happens far more than once a year doesn't it??

Squirrel won't be on till later - she has a new job now and can't come on from work, we miss her

Thank you for your kind words. Most of the time I really am OK about it, I was just so bloody angry with him yesterday. He's spoken to his friend today and told him he doesn't want to be godfather so at least that's done, but being a man he expects me now to completely forget that he ever said it! Bloody men!!

How are things with you?

In comparison, fine really!!!! BM has agreed we can go on hols with dss (only a few days and in this country) and dh and bm managed to actually speak to each other and no abuse was thrown. Dh agreed to try harder when dss here and be stricter and more constent, rather than this constant over compensating!!!!! I too went on strike last time he was here, think it shocked everyone a little!!!! Worked i the short term, have to see what happens this weekend..... MIL arrives for 2 weeks tonight god help us all!!! Maybe we're getting somewhere after all. Still stressed over ex-dh being in close contact with my family, but thats another situation that has no asy solution, and may involve me distancing myself for the sake of my sanity! (What precious little I have left!!)

And what is that with men and "Well i've apologised, so its all ok now" ????