Nutty Stepmum's Club (NSC) - Who Wants To Join Us? (Thread 2)

[Squirrel3]

Ah ha! I knew I could get it to the two thousand posts!!!!

I should have said no sheep visible not snow - DOH! But I have seen some sheep now, not that I'm looking at it all the time - honest!! Haven't got it on my favourites - other people come on my machine at work, they'd think I was a right sad git

Yes I should have said something to dsd, but I've never yet told her off for anything - I leave that to DP, which I probably shouldn't do really, specially as he - ahem - doesn't always hear things she says....

So is everyone ready for tomorrow night?

I'm sooooo tired, just had a cup of coffee. Don't normally drink coffee but thought it might wake me up a bit - it didn't!!

5 hours then I can go home

Dear All,,,

DP just got a letter from the CSA. They are asking him to pay £35 a week for both of the other children (one he doesn't see)That is £70 a week. That is £280 a month. Is this right? I thought that absent fathers were meant to contribute to child care not pay the entire lot.
I understand that he has to pay this but should it be that much. As we are all stepmums I presume we all have involvement with the CSA.
No offence attended to any birth mothers amongst us who are crying out for money off fathers that don't pay but DP pays for anything DSD's BM ask him to ON TOP of the CSA payments. including £46 every 6 weeks for Drama classes

workingmum this is a big gripe for me with DP and I think it always will be. I totally agree with you - they should contribute not pay the bloody lot!! We've had no involvement with the CSA because everything went through the courts with the divorce but they do have an \link{https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v1/new/calc.asp\online maintenance calculator}. This calculator goes on how much the Dad earns, how many nights a week the child(ren) spends with them and how many other children are living in the Dads house. In our case it says £39 a week and DP pays £50!! And yes, as you've guessed, it really winds me up

That's 2 rants I've had today

£39 a week. It is disgraceful. I could feed DD for half of that a week. Just her not the rest of the family. It really wound me up when they wanted my salary details. WHAT THE HELL HAS WHAT I EARN GOT TO DO WITH HIS CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS. This is going to sound really mean but they are not my responsibility. Why should my wages be used to pay the BM's If me and DP ever split I would try my hardest not to get the CSA involved. He doesn't want me to tell you lot about the letter as he says everyone is assessed differently so no one will be paying the same, but I'll get an idea if it is normal to pay £70 a week for two children. If DP mentions that he pays for other things for DSD would the payments go down at all?

Reading this backI soon like an uncaring heartless cow but they REALLY annoy me. This new system can't be any worse than this.

How long is it since she went to the CSA? If you are a "new" case (see their website for definition) your earnings are not taken into account. Their "new" guidelines are approximately 15% of take-home pay for one child, 20% for 2 and (I think) 25% for 3 or more

And you are not a heartless cow - I totally agree with you - they're not your responsibility. OK I accept that my dsd will sometimes cost me money (and believe me, she does!) but I do that out of the goodness of my heart because she's my DPs dd - not because I think I'm responsible for her

I think £50 a week out of the £300 my DP brings home is far too much and I often tell him so but of course we can't upset BM can we?? Oh no....GRRRRRRR!!!!

I have been with Dp for five years. They started asking for my details about two years into in. When we bought the house. I refused to give them. They asked again about 6 months ago. DP gave them in. He also gave in 5 wage slips but some of them had higher than normal wages due to overtime and holiday pay. I think they have based the payment on them. He is a crane operator and when he has the crane on site he earns a MUCH higher rate of pay due to the nature of the work. But it isn't there all the time but the CSA can't see that. They have based the payments on that rate of pay.Which he hasn't earned in nearly two months now. He brings in anything between £250 - £400 a week depending on what he is doing. Yes if he was constantly onn £400 a week I wouldn't complain but it is normally the lower rate. £70 out of that is a chunk, we have bills to pay as well. The payements went up at the same time he gave my details in which has confirmed my point. They are using the entire household income to pay the CSa not just his wages.

Sounds like he is on the old system.

If I were you I'd get all his wage slips and go to your MP. Cut the middle man out straight away. MPs go straight to the top with their complaints.
They do take your wages into account in as much as they judge you to be able to maintain half the household as it were above and beyond that your wages are not supposed to be taken into account.

Hmmm, I think it was 3 years ago that the rules changed so you're right - your earnings will be taken into account

I really, really, really feel for you - I could not and would not go through this for anyone. It was announced recently that the CSA is being overhauled again wasn't it? It is an option for you to wait until this happens or will that just be for new cases?

Sorry, I'm not helping I know but I really do feel for you, you have my sympathies

Good idea tarantula, I hadn't thought of that

Home time Hav a good evening everyone.

Have a great evening and I'll see you all tomorrow, what time does the piss up commence

Anytime's fine by me - I'll go along with everyone else

Will be about after put DD to bed. Say 7pm

Hello everyone, please don't tell me that my wages will be taken into account if BM decides to go to the CSA if she thinks that me getting this new job will benefit her!

We haven't involved the CSA yet, but I think dp pays way over the top from what you have said on here. BM has threatened to go to the CSA but dp said if she were to do that his solicitor had advised him to get paternity tests done, so she backed down.

Dp has always felt that there may be some doubt as to whether he is their 'natural' father but he doesn't really want to go down the paternity test route as he loves them and considers them 'his'.

I've got to admit, (I would never say this to dp) his first 2 kids from BM1 are the split image of him but the second 2 look nothing like him but they do look remarkably similar to the guy he suspects BM of having an affair with.

our wages arent taken into accoutn as such Squirrel. What the CSA do is they asses if you are earning enough to pay half the household expences etc and if you are then they will assess your dp for more as they deem that he only has to pay 1/2 the mortgage etc. If that makes sence

The parternity of daughter that DP never sees is questioned. She was a result of a short relationship that happened when DP and BM had a short split. BM (I admire her for taking him back when he had made someone else pregnant. I don't think I could have) always wanted him to have a paternity test done. Soemthing MIL agrees with (And MIL and BM don't agree on much) DP won't do it. He just accepts what she says. The other BM is a cow. I've only met her once and she was rude and abrupt. (She turned up at the door once telling me that the Baby had split her lip and kept asking for her dad. a dad she has only seen 5 times in her life for about half an hour a time) I REALLY resnt my wages paying her child support

Hello all

Squirrel so you go through all this hassle with the kids and they might not even be your DPs?? Blimey, you're a far better person than me - I couldn't do that

workingmum I'd resent it too - in fact I wouldn't do it. If ever our BM goes to the CSA and they ask for my earnings I'd leave, simple as that

Is everyone still on for tonight? workingmum says 7 o'clock - is that OK for everyone?

But tarantula, I pay all of the mortgage, what if they find that out?

I think I may be worrying over nothing though as I say I don't think she wants to have paternity tests done (dp wouldn't do it, he prefers not to know, he loves them and he is their Dad, end of story as far as he is concerned but she doesn't know that).

But then again if he were pushed too far by her, who knows...

{grin] Well theres no question of dss paternity thats for sure. Hes the 'spit o' his Da' as they say. Dp kept saying when I was pg that dd would take after hsi family too 'cos of his 'strong genes' but ha to him cos she's much more my side of the family .

When dp lost his job and was looking for another I looked into the CSA payments and stuff and worked out that we would be about £200 worse off with him working which meant we'd ahve nothign to live on as we are jsut scraping by as it is!!!! Its mad. They are also trying to screw us for thousands as they are saying dp didnt tell them he wasn't working which he did. they managed to loose 3 letters and didnt notice that his DOE hadnt been paid for 6 mnths (might be because he'd lost hsi job!!!! tossers). We've got our MP onto the case tho I'm not sure he's that good tbh.

Might be a bit late tbh as dd doesnt go to bed till 9 (late to bed late to rise makes for happy parents ...tis an old saying HONEST!!) and the computer is in her room (need to move but havent got round to it yet)

I know a lot of stepmums pay towards their stepkids but I would resent it so much, I brought my kids up single-handed with no contribution whatever from their father and now they are grown up at last my money is my own, why should I pay towards somebody else’s kids when I struggled to bring up my own?

I do accept that (as Naam says) they do cost me money and I don't mind that, I don't mind buying them things and giving them bus fare and lunch money school days etc, but if dp had to pay more maintenance because my wages have gone up I would resent it so much. Maybe that makes me sound like a hartless cow.

One question if BM is living with a new dp who earns a lots more than the father does, are his wages taken into account?

Also, when BM had a new baby with her new dp she had to stop working for a while, she asked dp for more money because she was earning less and there were more 'mouths to feed'. I wasn't entirely sure this was fair, ok there was less money coming in but it was because she decided to have a baby with her new dp, the baby was nothing to do with dp! He did give in and give her more BTW because he didn't want to see his kids go without but I was a bit resentful of the fact that we had less money coming in because she decided to have a baby with somebody else.

I pay all the bills, DP gives me money towards them every week. It started like that because I get paid monthly and he gets paid weekly but Iprefer it that way cos I know I can manage the house alone

Squirrel it doesn't sound heartless at all I totally agree with you. I look at it this way - if I choose to give dsd dinner money/buy her things etc. then that's up to me but it would be very different for me to be told that I had got to do it iyswim

i have no objection to giving DSD anything she wants but if i am being picky that should all be taken into account when they are working out CSA payments I'm sure drama class fees would be counted. I bet she doesn't mention them. And BM's DH owns his own company so I'm sure he is comfortable. I bet that doesn't get put into the eqution