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Step-parenting

Connect with other Mumsnetters here for step-parenting advice and support.

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Original poster

How often do you see your stepkids?

47 replies

eviekingston · 21/08/2011 11:53

A questions for all you non-custodial stepmums - how often do your stepchildren visit/stay? Mine are 14 and 11 and they stay every other weekend, saturday morning to sunday night. We have them just under half the holidays too. Is this similar to your situations? Thanks x

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ConstanceNoring · 21/08/2011 12:24

Every other weekend, Friday after school 'til Sunday teatime, one overnight during the week, half all school hols , every bank holiday. Has been like this for 10 years , they are 16 and 18

Chocster06 · 21/08/2011 13:24

Boys age 9 and 11: pick up 6.20pm Tuesday, drop to school wed morn, pick up 6ish Fri pm, drop back after tea 6.20ish Sat. Also DH tends to take them to their footie matches on Sundays, and we have them for a week at Christmas, week at Easter, two weeks in the summer, and fri through Sunday if it's a bank hol weekend. Been like that since they were 4 and 6.

ladydeedy · 23/08/2011 11:31

until a year ago we had them every other weekend, directly from school on Friday until 6pm on Sunday (and had to have fed them a hot meal before drop-off!). And a week at Easter, a week at Christmas/New Year holidays, two of the three half terms and half of the summer holidays. We also would have loved to have them one night during the school week (as they were in walking distance) but EXW would not allow it.

Petal02 · 23/08/2011 12:01

SS is 17 next month - we have him Thurs 4pm-Sunday 7pm alternate weekends, and on a Wednesday night on the weeks when it's not an access weekend. The same arrangements apply during school holidays.

MinesaBottle · 08/09/2011 12:29

Not often enough - they live very far overseas :( but we keep in touch via email. Most of my friends don't believe me when I say I'd be happy to have them with us (well the younger one (18) anyway, the older one (20) has left home now anyway. We'll be seeing them early next year though and spending a week or two in their town - DH's ex is fine with us spending time with them so am looking forward to it!

TheBreadstick · 08/09/2011 14:29

Think I might win the 'not often enough' prize here ... every other Sunday and Mondays after school. Oh, and Boxing day afternoon ...

Having asked/offered to see DSC more, we have been repeatedly refused. Que sera ...

Libby10 · 08/09/2011 16:35

Every Wed & Thursday plus every other weekend Friday to Monday am.

Petal02 · 08/09/2011 16:38

Libby, that seems like a heavy schedule?

Libby10 · 08/09/2011 17:25

Yep - we have them 50% of the time over a fortnight. DP loves his kids and wants it that way and we are lucky in that his ex has always been keen to have time to be on her own with her BF. It helps that we don't live far away but is very rigid as we had numerous problems with his ex changing things around on a weekly basis. It was hard (for me) at first - but in some ways it having them around a lot also made it easier as you are more in touch with their day to day lives.

eslteacher · 10/09/2011 10:42

Generally every other weekend - DSS gets picked up after school on Friday and dropped off back at school on Monday morning by us.

The basic principle is half the holidays also, but in reality because of work commitments etc, a lot of that time is spent with his grandparents, ie DP's parents, (who live on the other side of the country) rather than with us.

The arrangement is flexible, it's just been worked out between DP and his ex between them, and we often swap weekends etc with each other to accomodate the other's schedule.

Lately DSS (6) has been making noises about wanting to spend more time here though...it's difficult to see how it would be possible during the week given our work schedules, especially DPs, and I must admit I'm not thrilled at the idea of having my "free" weekends reduced...we'll see!

redfairy · 10/09/2011 18:58

It's supposed to be every other weekend Sat am til Sunday tea time plus some holidays but has rarely worked out like that.
Usually DSD (12) and Dp's EX go incommunicado or cancel at last minute. If visits do go ahead they tend to just be for a few hours on a Saturday.
It's heartbreaking to see DH let down so frequently and makes keeping and building the bond soooo much harder. He feels he's losing his DD.

Happylander · 11/09/2011 20:57

2 weeks of the year. Mother (use that term loosely) moved DSD away when she found out DH had met someone new. I find it incredibly hard. Harder than if she were to be here every weekend etc as I don't know her and she is unlike most children I know. It took £10,000 in court to get that as she lept refusing to turn up/agree to anything which was fine for her as she had legal aid. The system sucks!
DSD wants to come live with us but don't see how it can work out as I work shifts and DH doesn't live me during week.

MJHASLEFTTHEBUILDING · 11/09/2011 21:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

thanksforlooking · 02/10/2011 07:38

Every other weekend.

deemented · 02/10/2011 07:48

Every other weekend, but Manshape see's him three times in the week as well.

We had him for six of the seven weeks holidays. We'd like to have him over Christmas but apperntly his mother may be going away for Christmas....

dadsgirlfriend · 03/10/2011 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dearheart · 03/10/2011 19:53

Every other weekend, Friday eve to Sunday eve. One overnight the Tuesday after the weekend we don't have him. Half the hoildays in theory - sometimes that happens, often a bit less (which is fine).

nenevomito · 03/10/2011 21:06

Used to be 3 weekends out of 4, pick up fri after school, home sat evening or Sun morning (mum was religious so DSD had to go to church on Sunday). We'd also have her for weeks in the holidays and longer weekends if we were going away somewhere.

This changed when she was a teenager as she had a social life, so we'd have her on a more ad-hoc basis.

Machin11 · 04/10/2011 19:16

Monday night comes to ours from school, gets picked up by his mum or SD around 6:30.
Tuesday straight from school, has tea, does football and then gets dropped off at mums around 8pm
Weds straight from school, stays over night. Goes to school from ours Thurs.
Then either Friday from school, through to Sat tea or following week, Sat tea to sunday tea.
So see him nearly every single day which is fab, he's 13!
As his mum also works away sometimes he picks which hotel (his mum and mines joke) to stay at from Monday through to Thurs.
Split the birthday down the middle, or try and do a big family event for him (combining his mum, dads and step parents family and friends)
Xmas eve his mums (one thing she won't budge on)but always ensures a call before bed and first thing in the morning, then alternate Xmas dinners with either mum or dad, and then spends from around 1pm (if having xmas lunch with us) or 3pm if not of Xmas day with us through to boxing day tea, when he has another family do. Holidays shared equally too.
Hmmm, looking at that I think we have a pretty fab relationship!

balia · 05/10/2011 20:41

We have a 4 week schedule - week one DSS is with us Sat morn to Sun eve, week 2 Fri night till Sat lunch, week 3 Friday night to Sun eve, week 4 no contact. DH also takes DSS to football practice midweek. We get a little bit extra for holidays but are trying to work towards having a block of time so we can have a holiday together.

We had to fight really hard to get it, though!

spookshowangellovesit · 07/10/2011 12:30

every other weekend starting on the thursday till the sunday and thursday on the week we dont have them.more inhols but its a bit of a mismash. alternate Christmases apparently but we were only just informed of that a couple of days ago. v surprised

sammyjole · 19/10/2011 14:15

crikey I didn't realise so many people keep up the sleepovers once kids are older/late teens..... my DP's are 16 and 17 and we cant go on living apart anymore as I was struggling looking after our baby on my own alot of the time, because he wouldn't move in and give up his every other wkend with them, and neither house big enough for all of us (I have a lad of 6) and for various reasons we couldn't find anywhere bigger so now we will just see his kids whenever but not have them overnight he is moving in now....at that age surely they dont stil need the same as young kids?

Tillyscoutsmum · 19/10/2011 14:16

Every wednesday, every other weekend (Fri-Mon) and half the holidays. She is only 8 though

Petal02 · 19/10/2011 15:00

Sammyjoie, like you, I didn't think that sleepovers and rigid access would continue into the late teens. However my SS is 17, and we still have exactly the same access schedule that was put in place when he was 10. SS insists on it, DH is too Disney to challenge this, and has said it will continue til SS goes to uni. It can be pretty grim sometimes.

Beamur · 19/10/2011 15:05

Week on, week off, swaps on Sunday. Welcome here any time. Holidays follow a similar arrangement but are flexible, we split Christmas too.
They live locally and can easily get to school from here or their Mums. We used to have more complicated arrangements but it's always been 50:50 which suits all concerned. DP less happy with current arrangement as he doesn't like to go 7 days without seeing them but the kids prefer it this way, as do I actually.
Ours are 16 and 18 and still quite happy to respect this arrangement.
This is their home as much as their Mums house.

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