Sad Step-mums Club (for when being nutty doesn't work)

[Squirrel3]

Reflection, lets try to make ourselves feel better. Here

and have a money machine too!

Squirrel I've just posted on the other thread

Hope it helps you

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Thanks NAAM

How about a nice jacuzzi ?

And as this is a sort of fantasy, get away from it all thread what about a fantasy man!?

Reflection your dsd needs your dp's and you love not material things, I brought my children up as a single mum, I couldn't work as dd needed 24hr care but at the time they wouldn't recognise her as disabled so no disability allowance. I had to live on DHSS payments so money was tight so I know how you feel.

I know DD's being a bit of a 'moo' at the momment, but when my kids talk about their childhood they don't remember the material things that they did or didn't have, they remember that they were loved, and silly little things that happen in everyday family life. Like going for a walk in the woods and having a picnic, I remember not having much money (the kids did have school meals) and making jam sandwiches, telling them that we were going for a picnic and they loved it! and believe it wasn't nice jam it was the cheapest mixed fruit kind!!! They always remember it with fondness as a happy time, and I just did it because I was skint!

Please don't think you have nothing to offer to dsd, you do.

How are you feeling now Reflection?

I've been thinking of you.

How are you doing Reflection?

I am so p-ed off today.

Had a crap weekend with S.kids, feeling really rubbish about it all again, BM's been having a go again, dsd 'hates' me again.

All because I spoke my mind.... ~sigh~

...and over the weekend some money went missing from my purse and I don't know what to do about it. I don't know who took it but the only people who were here were DP, me and S.kids.

and I'm bloody tired!!!!! ~yawn~

Squirrel I really think you should tell your DP about the money. I hate to point the finger, specially as I don't know any of you, but surely it must have been one of the kids? I'm sure he'd want to know about this, although from what you've said before he's probably likely to say it's your mistake and you must have miscalculated how much you had! Was it a lot of money?

I really do think it's time your DP gave you more support when it comes to disciplining his children. Wonder what he'd do if your ds who lives with you did something he shouldn't? Bet he'd be the first to grumble

This keeps rearing it's ugly head for you and I can't help thinking that if he doesn't do something about it you'll eventually crack and either have a real go at the kids yourself or just tell him it's over and mean it

Hope you don't mind me being so blunt but I'm so for you - he's just not giving you the support you deserve and shouldn't have to ask for

can I join
I have 2 ss

If I mention the money (£20), he will either say I miscalculated or if he speaks to the kids they will deny it and that will be that.

Its like the now famous, dd having just come in with dp with a soaking wet top and a can of lemonade in her hand and me saying "whoops, did you have an accident with your drink?", her replying "no", then she rushed upstairs to change the soggy top.

Later we all went out in the car I sat in the front (where DSD had sat earlier in the day) and me (finding that the seat was soaked) saying to her "Oh dear the lemonade is all over the seat, you did have an accident didn't you?". "No, I didn't!" was the reply. DP then piped up "I wonder? When I gave * (a work collegue) a lift on Friday he said he needed the loo, I wonder if he...."

I don't really think there is much point mentioning the money. If I speak to the kids myself I'll only be accused of having a go at them by them and BM.

I feel so negative today! I feel as if I have got no right to my point of view when it comes to the S.kids. I have to just bloody smile and get on with it, when I could quite cheerfully strangle them at times (that's a joke by the way, well, sort of)

Doormat, do you want to join the sad stepmums club or the nutty step mums club?

You are very welcome in both.

sad one sqiz
as I am a very wicked stepmother

Being wicked is a required attribute for being a step-mum, isn't it?

Squirrel I can certainly understand why you feel like that, your DP just doesn't support you at all. Have you ever sat him down and told him how much this gets to you? I really can see this causing you problems - I know it's never easy as a stepmum (boy do I know that!) but you seem to have to put up with more than most. They just don't seem to do as they're told at all. It's all very well for him to make a joke out of everything but the more they get away with it the more they're going to do it - hate to say this but it can only get worse

If I were you I'd tell DP that it really could cause you to split - maybe not yet but couple of months, couple of years - who knows? It might just make him realise he has to do something

It never fails to amaze me why grown men can't make children do as they're told - my DP is the same sometimes, tho not as bad as yours - it makes me so

Hello Doormat - a new person!! You can join our Nutty Stepmums Club too if you like, we have a good laugh on there - heaven knows us Stepmums need it sometimes!!

Squirrel - great minds think alike

I'm a wicked stepmum too

And the longer I do it, the more wicked I get! Heaven help her in a couple of years' time

NAAM, I have a feeling that Doormat isn't that 'new', I think that she has been around MN for a long time, she doesn't seem like a newbie.

Am I right Doormat?

And we would be honoured to have you in our nutty stepmums club too.

deffo to both girls and thanx

bit of background
dh and i got together, he took on my 4 children from previous, he had 2 to ex
we then went on to have 2 of our own
his children have never respected me, our home, our children, I once caught younger one kicking our 3 month ds with sn in the head,yet he denied it to dh.They tried every trick in the book to split dh and I up.
they have even been that spiteful to report me to ss, that I dont look after them properly, I was gutted as I tried my upmost for them to be included into our family.
I stopped seeing them for around 6months after this, I had dh's support but at the same time he seen his arse with me as he had to visit kids elsewhere(I wouldnt let them over my door for fear of things being said again)
it is only the last 6 months that they have started calling round again, usually for a borrow of money or need a lift off their dad
they are 14 and 16.
Even my in laws really want nothing to do with them as they are very spiteful, deceitful children.My MIL especially gives me her full support as she has had their lies also.

what i cant understand about being a stepmum is if my children gave dh the same disrespect there would be murder, luckily my children have always treated him as their dad.
Life is so hard being a stepmum

Oh dear Doormat

Life certainly is hard as a stepmum I quite agree. What a shame your DH doesn't support you when it comes to discipline with his children. Squirrel has the same problem, and so do I to a certain extent - tho not as bad as you or Squirrel. It really doesn make me so angry that grown men can't make their children do as they're told!! Like you said, if your children were like that there'd be hell to pay! Well done tho for standing up for yourself - staying away from them and keeping them away from your house can't have been easy but under the circumstances I don't think you had any choice. Shame it hasn't made any difference tho by the sound of things?

So you have 8 children between you?? Flippin' heck How many of them live with you?

Squirrel how are you feeling today? Thinking of you x

Doormat, it sounds like you have been through the mill a bit. I can't believe that they would kick a 3month old. What did you do? I can't imagine what I would do ( well, I probably can, and its a bit scary).

I hope that what has happened to you doesn't happen to me, its started to happen already (lying about things I've suposedly done) and dsd is using her new found 'power' to its full advantage, dp does realise that she is "seeing things differently, and mistaking things I say/do as having a go at her". BM is meanwhile going mad because she thinks that her dd is scared of me and is unhappy when she comes here. DP is spending a lot of time explaining to dsd that she has misunderstood, but she just turns on the waterworks and Daddy never really has the heart to tell her off for exagerating things.

The weekend (apart from the texting thing) she was in our kitchen complaining about how cold the floor was, so I said "Go and put your slippers on then". She stomped upstairs with the hump, dp called her down, she refused, dp got a bit annoyed with her and 'insisted', dsd came down in tears saying "Squirrel was horrible to me, she shouted at me"! I can honestly say I didn't, dp was there and heard what I had said to her, so he said that I hadn't, he was there and heard what I had said. dsd cried even harder so dp gave her a big cuddle and loads of kisses and said "well, never mind".

And I get left feeling a bit cheated because she is being a drama queen, making me look like the wicked stepmum (which I can't describe how that makes me feel, I am trying so hard with her) and she gets more attention (which in my opinion is what she is after), she then goes home and tells BM all about how horrible squirrel is, then we get a tirade of rantings from BM and all I've done is try to and be friends with her (dsd). I know dsd would love it if dp and I were to split-up, she would then have Daddy all to herself.

I feel that if she were biologically ours these problems just wouldn't exsist, its so hard being a stepmum sometimes.

Squirrel I have to say I absolutely couldn't cope with this, I think you're a complete saint for putting up with it! Don't know what to suggest - I assume you've already tried to talk to him about it

Think I'd have to try doormat's approach and refuse to have them in the house...

NAAM, I don't think that I would do that, dp does realise what dsd is doing but I think that its the guilt thing of not being there for her everyday and knowing that she idolises him that stops him from telling her off about things like that.

She certainly knows how to manipulate him, and yes, I have spoken to him and he agrees with me, its just when it comes to seeing his dd in floods of tears he just can't bring himself to tell her off, and she knows it!

She is the youngest, his baby girl and I think that she will always be his 'baby girl' and whenever she wants something all she would have to do is call him "Daddy" and she will get what she wants.

DP does tell BM that he is there, he hears what is being said, I am not horrible to dsd and infact I'm quite the opposite to dsd, but of course BM believes dsd.

As a mum myself I wouldn't stop dp from seeing his kids, they are part of him. I think doormats situation was different though, the younger one even kicked her 3 month old in the head, her Step-kids got SS involved with their lies, that must have hurt so much.

I hope that if I persevere with dsd, she may come around, she has got to realise that I'm not really a wicked step-mum someday. Also she has got to realise one day that I am not going away either.

Squirrel I'm sure she will eventually realise that 1) you're staying together and 2) you've been, and are, a wonderful stepmum and I think when it does happen you'll see a big change in her and you'll be the best of friends, however I think it's going to take time and I worry for you in the meantime. You don't deserve this

My dsd can get anything by calling DP daddy and she's nearly 13 - it annoys me too!!

Of course I get p-ed off about it, but thats what this site is for isn't it? as long as I can rant and get it off my chest here I'll be ok.

After all its not all doom and gloom, there are some happy times, there has to be or we would all go insane, wouldn't we.

Yes, I think we'd all go loopy without this site - I know I would! But then again we're probably all loopy anyway