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Following on from my previous conversation

36 replies

Tricks · 11/10/2005 10:55

Well, at the weekend we had further eruptions from my dp's ex regarding me meeting their son.

DP has worked really hard to ensure that ss was prepared and happy to meet me for the first time, we had discussed what we were going to do on the day (planned a visit to the local farm) and ss seemed perfectly content.

Anway, dp received a text from the ex on Saturday declaring that she wanted to come along for the first meet and spend the WHOLE day with all of us. She implied that dp was upset about the arrangements and that he wanted his mummy to be there. Dp later realised that she has simply put these words into ss's head by asking him how he was feeling about the meet and dictating that it would help if she was there (easy to do with a six year old).

She really is so manipulative- she just cannot see that my partner also wants whats best for his little boy; she just has to interfer and has now worked everyone up so much about the meet thats its going to be ten times more stressful (for all of us) !!!

When dp told me about her demands, I unfortunately didnt handle the situation very well and basically started crying and calling her all the names under the sun (im putting this down to pregnancy hormones). I really didnt want to behave like this because i want my dp to be open with me and for us to discuss issues like this sensibly

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Squirrel3 · 24/10/2005 13:38

I'm very pleased it went well.

I know what you mean when you say you felt left out. These feelings will pass, you know we are all here for you as you go through the different stages of establishing a relationship with SS.

You are off to a good start though

Tricks · 24/10/2005 14:28

Thank you Squirrel3, I really do value your support. This is no-mans land for me; dp has enough on his plate at the moment (which i dont really want to add too) and its great to know at the back of my mind that there is somewhere i can go to discuss my true feelins without people thinking im the 'evil step mother' !

My dp did ask whether i thought another meet up this weekend would be useful. I said that i thought we should leave it for this weekend (give them some time together) and then arrange something nice to do the following week.

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Squirrel3 · 24/10/2005 14:38

Nice idea to give them some time on their own.

I'm sure it will all work out.

BTW we all feel like 'the wicked step-mum' ocassionally, its normal!!

Did you meet BM?

tarantula · 24/10/2005 14:54

Glad to hear things went well. thats fantastic. Glad to hear you had fun at the farm. It sgreat to get out with the kids like that as its a good way to get to know them.
Leaving them to have some time together on their own next week is also probably very good. Slow ans easy is always the best way.

NotActuallyAMum · 25/10/2005 08:57

Hello Tricks,

Glad everything went well, I was thinking about you on Saturday

Please don't feel bad about feeling a bit jealous and left out - we all feel like that sometimes, as Squirrel says it does get better. Don't know if it ever goes completely tho - I've only been with DP for 16 months and I still feel it - but it certainly does get better

Hope I'm not going to get shot down for this....but I don't think you should have to sit in the back of the car. Yes I know it's only a car seat but IMO DP should have told him - nicely of course - that when you are with them he will have to sit in the back

Squirrel3 · 25/10/2005 09:02

BTW I do agree with NAAM about the car seating issue.

Carmenere · 25/10/2005 09:04

I agree about the car too. It's safer anyway

Caligula · 25/10/2005 09:05

How old is SS? Isn't it illegal to be in the front seat if you're under 12, or have I just invented that?

ggglimpopo · 25/10/2005 09:07

Message withdrawn

Caligula · 25/10/2005 09:09

Glad it went well btw Tricks.

The seat issue is just about good manners apart from anything else. If it were any other adult, the child should be in the back. If I get in a car as a passenger with other adults, I always offer them the front seat first - don't know why, it's just courtesy isn't it?

Tricks · 25/10/2005 17:16

Hi everyone

Thank you for your comments re: the car seating plan! I wondered, whether i was just being 'over' sensitive because of the situation so extremely pleased that it seems to be quite a common view.

I just think that adults should sit in the front (regardless of 'who' they are) and children should sit in the back - good manners in my opinion.

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