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Original poster

Do I say something about "rubbish" Christmas Presents from SD's every year?

81 replies

dietqueen · 20/12/2010 21:54

Every year is the same we get together with DH DD x 2 take them out exchange presents - I buy them a big bag full around £50 each and DH gives them money in a card as well.

Last year I got a very cheap (£2) smelly set from wilkos and the year before a bar of chocolate, year before they "forgot" to buy something...which they thought was funny. Our DS usually gets a t shirt. They are 17 and 15.

This year we are taking them out cinema then meal so more money spent.

I have commented to DH and he tries to brush it off. It infuriates me

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scurryfunge · 20/12/2010 21:59

You can't make people buy expensive gifts for you. There may be reasons why you do not feature high on their spending list.

DanceInTheDark · 20/12/2010 22:03

They may not HAVE much money at 17 and 15.

Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 22:06

its not the cost its the total lack of thought - I am/we are veyr thoughtful towards them - lovely birthday cards, christmas card, easter etc... its not just me its their father and our ds who they buy very cheap presents for - we never get birthday or father;s day cards off them.

In fact one DD had a recent birthday and my DS told her to call to thank me for the presents - never got it.

They get pocket money of DH every week so its not as if they dont have any money.

OP posts:
trixymalixy · 20/12/2010 22:07

They are 17 and 15, what are you expecting, a mulberry handbag???

Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 22:08

no a bit of thoughtfulness and well manners

OP posts:
christmasheave · 20/12/2010 22:23

Its the age.

Last year DBD bought DH shower gel. He was gutted. He'd seen me open a lovely present from her and thought that as her Dad he'd be getting something lovely as well.

I wouldn't say anything. Teens seem to operate on a whole different planet sometimes. Total lack of thought is a way of life.

MoonUnitAlpha · 20/12/2010 22:25

They're only kids, what do you expect?

ivykaty44 · 20/12/2010 22:25

I have two daughters, both brought up in the same household, one will flounce in and open all her presents and hand over a smallish presnet for parents- if we are lucky. My other daughter has spent all her birthday money on buying christmas presents for her family, she doesn't have a job or earn as she is to young but she loves to sort out presents and use her own moeny and this is the second ear she has done so at 12. My older daughter works full time +, it is disapointing Sad

Please don't take it the wrong way. if your not pleased and it niggles then think about why you are buying presents for them? Should you cut back?

Do you send a thank you note for the gifts they give?

Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 22:26

...they find it funny. Last year they gave DH a can of bitter they got out their fridge they know he doesnt drink that.

Our DS is very switched and I think he will notice this year and say something but they think its funny.

OP posts:
Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 22:29

at 17 I wouldnt say that was a kid.

I always send a thank you from our DS.

I know DH is very disappointed with them and has spoken to them in the past about it but they just sulked.

OP posts:
SpringHeeledJack · 20/12/2010 22:29

I would send them really gushing thank you letters back

that way, you look like you're in on the joke

truffleshuffle · 20/12/2010 22:30

You are putting too much importance on giving and receiving presents. Surely the whole point of meeting up and having a nice meal etc is to spend time together as a family?

ivykaty44 · 20/12/2010 22:35

It does sound rather sad Sad it wouldn't make me want to be very generous in spirit, so seeing them for a meal and cinema trip would be a little difficult.

I think we don't want to think of our dc as taking the piss, what you do about it I don't know?

I treat my daughters the same, so it is difficult as one is very generous and the other not so thoughtful.

If I was in your shoes I don't know what I would do - sorry

If your ds say soemthing explain in front of the dd's that they don't want to give presents, in a matter of fact fashion

Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 22:36

I agree every year we make a real fuss, take them out, open our presents together as a family as you say and make it a lovely day.

But when there are not thank you's, no christmas cards no decent or presents at all for ther DH and our DS (Im not too bothered about me) I find it very...well I suppose upsetting.

Also we quite often get texts saying can I have some money I want to buy this and that - even they they get pocket money.

ok they are young but I really do think they are talking the pi**

OP posts:
ivykaty44 · 20/12/2010 22:39

Does your dh fell guilty? It does sound like they are playing the game with money etc and he gives through guilt of not being there everyday and they get the wiff of this and do it all the more.

Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 22:47

Ive decided to see what this year brings and if its the usual I will still do our famil thing but gifts will just be money in a card.

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trixymalixy · 20/12/2010 22:53

You and your DH are the adults and you need to rise above it and carry on as normal. A 17 year old is still a child.

Retaliating by reducing the amount of time spent with them and money, time and effort spent on them will only sour the relationship. They are after all children who have seen their parents break up.

Blu · 20/12/2010 22:58

This is how it is between adults and kids re presents!
You wait til your child is a teen.
Don't get in such a lather about it.

Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 23:00

Trixy - I didnt say I would reduce time, effort and money - I said I would just give the equivilant in money to tell you the truth they would prob prefer it!

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usualsuspect · 20/12/2010 23:01

They are 15 and 17 as you were once, its all about them ..it will change when they grow up

ivykaty44 · 20/12/2010 23:06

At 17 this girl is not a child and giving her father a can of beer that she knows he doesn't drink is showing her as selfish. pretending that this isn't happening and she is a child that doesn't know any better as she has been through a divorce isn't going to do her any favours in life, the step mum will get crucified if she does anything and the father wants to pretend it isn't happening for whatever reason - really not a nice situation and it would niggle me to, such is life

trixymalixy · 20/12/2010 23:11

I agree with Blu, this is typical teenage behaviour.

You are obviously resenting the time spent with them and the effort in choosing presents for them and they are probably picking up on it.

Original poster
dietqueen · 20/12/2010 23:16

I dont resent the time spent with them at all in fact far from it ... its good for all of us particularly our DS who adores them but has started to comment on things such as why havent XX and XX sent Daddy a birthday card etc

Perhaps I will realise how kids change once the teens kick in.

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differentnameforthis · 21/12/2010 04:02

I thought it was just children who whinged & whined about not getting what they wanted at Christmas! Hmm Presents aren't the be all & end all. Christmas isn't about gifts.

As parents, you give anyway. You don't expect to receive. Anything you get from your children should be a bonus, regardless of what it is.

I hate how every holiday is now just an excuse for rampant consumerism! How are children supposed to be grateful for what they receive if the parents act like spoilt brats!

Remember, there are adults who won't see their children this Christmas. Because of bereavement, because of custody battles. Because of distance. There are adults that won't see their parents (me being one, living in Australia) or because of bereavement, or distance. Be grateful that you get to see your SDs this year & remember, no matter how 'naff' you feel your presents are...some children don't get food, let alone presents!

Just look at the joy in their faces when they open their gifts. Isn't that enough any more.

differentnameforthis · 21/12/2010 04:07

some children people don't get food, let alone presents!

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