So now I am a CM.....

[Rudolphsnose]

I agreed to collect DBD from school with DDs on the week that she is with her mum, mums DP collecting her from ours at 4ish, so just enough time for a drink and a snack before she's collected. No problem, I love DBD to bits and its not any more hassle for me.

Tonight when DBD was collected I offered to drop her back to her Mums house from now on what with the weather getting worse, it would save DBD and Mums DP a walk. The DP replied that as he was now starting work at either 4 or 5 some days it would be better if we kept things as they are as her Mum would be collecting her some days. Her Mum doesnt finish work til 5 so she wouldn't be collected til 5.30 or so. Had I been asked rather than it being assumed I would do it I wouldn't have an issue with it. As it is I am seriously hacked off that they are taking the piss

Exactly MJ. She fought DH like hell when we asked for joint residency, wailing that DBD should be with her full time as she "is the centre of my universe". Now she palms her off all the time and not just with us I just don't get it. It also wrankles that she assumes I do nothing because I'm a SAHM at the moment (with 4 DC and doing a distance degree) and she works FT.

Yeah, sorry, didn't mean to sound judgemental. It is nice that you get to have her at your home each day though.

Very true. Sorry if I sounded defensive, I just never want tO sound like I dont want her around.

My ex said he wanted joint custody of our DS. Just a couple of years later, he can sometimes go 6 weeks with no contact (his choice).

You very often hear about parents demanding more contact with their kids, which often stems from them trying to fill a gap in their own life and they use their kids to do that. As soon as they sort their own lives out, the kids get pushed aside.

How sad theredhen

She seems to have got her career going and a DP and now DBD doesn't seem as important to her. Also even though we love DBD to bits she has realised that we won't let her use her as a weapon to beat DH with.

Her Mum asked me to have her after school last term as ASC had put their prices up and she couldn't afford it.

Coming late on this thread but I think the best solution here- because you don't seem to mind having her at all after school - is that you have to be included in the decision process not just informed of the changes.

I'm saying this as this as in my experience:
DH made the big mistake of dealing with all (thinking he was ''protecting'' me from any disagreement/stress)- This resulted in me becoming completely excluded from any decision processes and being isolated although expected to take on all changes on board and just shut up deal with it.

We finally had a 4 parents meeting this year when I requested this to stop- I if am to be one of the main carers I think I ought to be part of discussions that affect me or DBD on a daily basis-
Sorry not trying to hijack but just bring my own experience of it all to help you deal with this.

If I am even

Pegs I agree that I need to be included in the decision process. I am probably more involved than DH as she won't talk to him and neither will her DP, unfortunately we are usually told what is happening after the decisions have been made :(

You are not the childminder. Full stop.