What do you wish someone had told you about feeding a newborn?

[EllieSmumsnet]

Before having a baby, You can read the books, go to the classes and listen to all the advice and still find yourself at 3am thinking, why did nobody mention THIS?

Maybe it was how relentless feeding could feel, the reality of getting a good latch, leaking absolutely everywhere, the faff of bottles and sterilising, expressing, formula, cluster feeding - or simply how much of your day could end up revolving around milk.

What do you wish someone had told you about feeding a baby before you had yours?

Share your experiences below by 30/09 to be in with a chance of winning a £200 VEX voucher.

Just how soon after birth they instinctively know how to feed - it’s just the most amazing feeling a human can have - seeing the life you created being nourished- oh and how a mum can survive on 3 hours sleep !

That not every baby burps and you don't need to desperately try to get one out of them after feeds! I felt like I was doing something totally wrong!

This, absolutely! The relentless pressure to breastfeed, support groups that just seemed to exist to keep the pressure on, and nobody seeing me as a human being, but as if my sole purpose now was to feed a baby. It was soul-destroying.

That allergens can pass from the mother's diet into the breast milk causing baby to be a really tricky feeder /very unsettled /bad eczema

My baby was so much happier once we had advice from allergy specialists and i had eliminated the allergens from my diet

So much! The excruciating pain with my first DC because I had so much milk that my boobs were as hard as bowling balls and he couldn't latch on. If I had expressed a bit to start with to let them down, the poor baby could have probably latched better without gumming my nipples until they were raw.

That the rugby ball hold is really helpful for a baby struggling to latch.

That it can be a really messy business at the start with milk, saliva, tears (yours and theirs) and sometimes a bit of blood all in the mix.

That it takes a while to be able to settle into it and you need to give yourself a bit of time and try and relax. Some people will find it easy and others not. You don't know how it will go until you actually have to do it.

That expressing can be really helpful and easier than breastfeeding sometimes, particularly if your nipples feel like you cannot bear one more gumming and that way your baby still gets breast milk.

Don't expect to be looking beatific and calm and unflustered and be able to do that discreet feeding in public in the first week or so. You will most likely be a hot mess of hormones, leakage and sore nipples.

That different babies will require vastly different amounts of milk. DS drank like he just couldn't get enough. DD breast fed like a tiny bird.

That if you fucking hate breastfeeding, thanks be to goodness nowadays, it is not the end of the world. Formula, whilst not an exact replica of breast milk, is not the Devil's piss and you will still bond really well etc.

That you should always trust your instincts and if you think they aren't getting what they need from breastmilk alone there is nothing wrong with using formula.

I think that’s actually a really good description of the “support groups”. Where the volunteers are real believers in breast is best, they only seem concerned for baby’s welfare and struggle to extrapolate that if mum is doing well then that is better for baby.

I carried on breastfeeding but I’d say it was inspite of those groups not because of them

Schedules are not a thing. Feed according to demand! I was trying to stick to a schedule of every 4 hours which is ridiculous!

If you want to breastfeed accept the fact that feeding the baby is your job. Don’t try and do much of anything else except feed the baby and look after yourself until the day it suddenly gets easy. Get the people around you to do everything else.

That every time I breast baby number 2 it caused contractions. So that along with the razor like pain of breast feeding, stitches, hemorrhoids, bleeding so much that I couldn’t pee and get my pants back up without needing to clean myself, the loo inside and out it was the single most miserable and painful hell of my life.

For me, I had absolutely zero appreciation of a newborn's sleep. I genuinely though babies just went to sleep, by themselves, and got plenty of sleep. My first born needed rocking/patting/feeding to sleep for every nap and it took over my life. I wish I had known more about baby's sleep and what to expect

The relentless feeding I just felt like a milk machine - and totally lost myself for weeks - it was just miserable and I was not prepared at all - my friends did not seem to have the issued I did - I am thankfully out of this now but look back on the first 6 weeks with DC1 with few positive memories - a lot better with DC2 and I cannot really understand why.

My baby didn't have the drive to breastfeed due to being early/unwell. We were sent home really quickly with bottle feeding and I was depressed. I didn't know I could switch to breastfeeding after a few days with the help of a lactation supporter but I'm very grateful to the lady who helped us do this.

Absolutely this. Ebf DS till 3 and without the lactation consultant I don't think we'd have got past week 2. Was getting pain on one side and getting to the point where I couldn't feed him from that side even through gritted teeth.

Amongst other things, she showed me how to use a nipple shield while we sorted out the root cause. I couldn't believe no one else in various feeding teams at hospital etc had suggested one. I think I'd have had to stop without. She was so knowledgeable. I also booked her asap after DD was born. Obv not always cheap but was so worth it for us. Highly recommend a well qualified and experienced lactation consultant if it's in budget.

The other thing that got me was the cluster feeding. Wow! It floored me. I don't know what advice I'd give except maybe to try and get some snacks and lots of hydration and try and enjoy binge watching some great TV but if it's not your first that advice wouldn't help much anyway and no amount of fun TV will help if you're desperate for sleep! Maybe just to be aware it does stop and even out even when it feels like it never will.

Agree with the advice about the positive benefits too. My impression is that reduced risk of some cancers as a benefit of bf isn't very well known at all.

The reduced risk of cancer with BFing is overhyped. We were told about it at the BFing antenatal class without any detail provided but it turned out the actual risk reduction for breast cancer is from 12.5% to 12% if you BF for more than six months and are under 35. So very little difference for an individual, it only makes a difference for the NHS treating 1000s of women.

I’ve had a couple of lumps checked out at the breast clinic and the consultant said BFing made no difference. The big risk factors are genetics and then lifestyle (obesity, alcohol etc). I mentioned that I’d BF for more than three years and he just shrugged and was far more interested in my family history.

I wish someone had warned me just how all-consuming the exhaustion would feel — running on broken sleep left me emotional, overwhelmed and like I was barely functioning some days, even though I loved my baby more than anything.

I wish I had known about the pain yes, but the emotional toll as a first time mum feeling I was getting it wrong and that I was an utter failure! I wasn't prepared for a baby to want to feed ever hour or two for days and nights on end and I worried she was hungry or that I was not doing it right. The nights sitting up crying with a fussy baby and raw nipples!

For my second baby I pretty much sat on the sofa for 2 weeks with my boobs out, providing an on tap service and did not worry about getting anything else done as I understood by then about cluster feeds and what was going on. Everyone was happy and it all went like clockwork second time round.

I had no idea how attached I'd get via breastfeeding. I heard all the horror stories about pain, cracked bleeding nipples and exhaustion. I never want to diminish any woman's experience but that's not what I experienced (or maybe the bar was set so low only experience I could have was positive). I felt so in love with my baby. Even one month in I'm still smitten honestly every time she gets a mouthful of milk it feels like I get a hit of oxytocin and it makes me love her more and more.

I think the pressure to consider formula for me, when I wanted to breastfeed. I found bf really difficult with both my babies, both fed almost constantly and with my first the latch was super painful. Both were gaining weight beautifully so the babies were fine, it was me problem and I was keen to persevere but lots of people's advice was 'just give formula a go' 'formula is fine you know', as though I was anti-formula. I am definitely not anti formula in any way, but I really wanted to give bf my best shot. I would have preferred support to get it right, rather than persuasion to give up. In the end it all worked out, but a bit more positivity and moral support - I definitely felt very alone.

Lots of things. To try and not get stressed when it takes ages. Not to wake them up if they are sleeping (they will let you know when they need it). To also focus on my own nurtition and say 'yes' to all offers to cook from family & friends. To know it gets easier in time, to ask about any concerns.