What do you wish someone had told you about feeding a newborn?

[EllieSmumsnet]

Before having a baby, You can read the books, go to the classes and listen to all the advice and still find yourself at 3am thinking, why did nobody mention THIS?

Maybe it was how relentless feeding could feel, the reality of getting a good latch, leaking absolutely everywhere, the faff of bottles and sterilising, expressing, formula, cluster feeding - or simply how much of your day could end up revolving around milk.

What do you wish someone had told you about feeding a baby before you had yours?

Share your experiences below by 30/09 to be in with a chance of winning a £200 VEX voucher.

If your let-down is super fast it will give your baby stomach pains and frothy poos. Can be easily fixed by positioning though.

That the latch is so important
that babies will feed on demand

100% The person that sorted me out was not any of the trained professionals it was another twin Mum. Took her 5 minutes, bless her.

That's it's a skill if coordination like riding a bike. That the sore nipples can be got through with vaseline if you apply after every feed and the resolve in a few days once the latch is established.
That I could be helped when struggling.
That it was well worth working through the learning for the months of easy feeding.

I wish I had asked more questions about breastfeeding, rather than just assuming it would be a walk in the park!
My pregnancy was a doddle, so it was a smack in the face when I had 41 hour labour, a shoulder dystocia & a 9lb 8oz baby!
My milk just didn’t come in & I had made no provisions for bottle feeding - I hadn’t enough bought any bottles or formula! 😭
Luckily my Mum is a midwife, so I had on hand advice - she sent my husband out to buy formula & bottles & the relief when my son had a good feed was tremendous!
I beat myself up for a long time re: breastfeeding - but really, he’s a happy, healthy teenager now & I’d challenge anyone to tell me any discernible difference between him & another child of his age who was breastfed. You have to do what’s manageable for you & as long as baby is fed & happy - it’s all good ❤️

It can take a few days for you both to ‘get it’. And also if you can’t BF for the first few days don’t give up - my baby was in NICU for three days but once out she managed to latch on beautifully. That they might never have a bottle - my DD never used one and used a sippy cup from about four months as well as being breastfed. She self weaned at one year. My son did have a bottle once I returned to work and I was surprised and relieved that I didn’t have to warm it up.

If they don’t wake up for a feed, leave them be! Why on earth train a baby to wake every 4 hours? Bonkers.

If your milk never comes in, it’s ok. Shit happens.

I wish I had a more realistic understanding about how difficult it can be to start with. I found it very painful at the beginning. I couldn’t believe how much milk I leaked during the night and had to sleep with a towel under me. My breasts felt so hard and uncomfortable. It was a very difficult time when I also was very sleep deprived however I persevered and it all settled I down eventually. With my second DB I didn’t have any discomfort at all and it all went very smoothly, I think maybe partly because I was just much more relaxed, less stressed. I nursed them both for about 18 months and I absolutely loved it, especially, weirdly, doing the 4 am feed. I’m glad I persevered. I do think it is a personal decision.

That breastfeeding holds arent a size fits all. I am quite large breasted and had to kind of hold mine up. Different techniques would have been great to learn

I wish someone told me about the importance of getting a good quality breast pump. I gave up because of my experience, but it was due to the pump itself and a better pump definitely would have given me the results I wanted.

I was supplied one by the breast feeding worker and eventually bought one. It helped me to understand how much milk I was producing ( as ds had lost a little weight) and I was able to ensure he got the right amount.

I wish someone had told me the importance of seeking a lactation consultant. DD1 wasn't gaining much weight as a newborn and it was only after that I realised that her latch was not correct so she wasn't getting enough milk. A lactation consultant would have pointed it out to me and made sure everything was fine. I'll have to carry that guilt but it's something that I now know for my current newborn.

As someone else said, I also wish someone had told me about possible milk allergies. My baby wasn't gaining enough weight for the longest time. I still carry guilt over it even though he's a healthy baby now. But I look at old pictures and I feel so sad and just guilty that I didn't fight for him and that I listened to others when they said that it was normal. Him being a healthy baby now doesn't wipe out his early weeks. I now never take the doctor's words at face value and always make sure they do the required tests.

For me it was when they fed throughout the night every hour, then the next night 6 hours between feeds - but being awake expecting them to wake - and not resting when they slept - I would have been able to enjoy the early months more.

The weirdness of it. I would feel my breasts fill and know without looking baby was awake. It was like a telepathic connection.

That they cluster feed and it's perfectly normal and not a sign you dont have enough milk.

I wish my MW had spent more time getting the latch right - I was so sore early on - did not know just how powerful a babys suction can be ! I would have enjoyed breastfeeding more - and probably continued longer.

The emotional side - I am normally a strong individual - but found myself in floods of tears over nothing - hormones surging over the enormity of the responsibility I have to take care of my little person - and myself being the sole carer.

The feeling of my breasts filling, gorging and leaking - I fed on demand - but still produced lots of milk - guess I was lucky - but breast pads were my friend, how the suction on a good latch from such a tiny person still makes me smile.

That you kind of have to squeeze the nipple to get newborn to latch . I used to give mine 1 bottle a day of formula once bf was established . Tried lots of different bottle teats to get right one they liked the ones that pointed upwards. Meant someone else could give them a bottle their dad or gparent which is a nice bonding thing for them and a break for mum .

That if the baby gets eczema eggs are a common trigger and to cut them out.

i removed dairy and gluten and soy but had no idea eggs were so commonly triggering for babies.

They can feed a lot. And some need more help than others.

How lonely it is and how little support there is out there for mums.
It was painful, but there was one point where I was cluster feeding and the longest I had managed to put baby down was 10 minutes in 14 hours, I called the national breastfeeding helpline and visited a local charity and they both made me feel as though I was lazy and like as a first time mum I was just not prepared to put in a bit of effort.

Like others here, I was hallucinating some nights, would go to put baby back and realise I hadn’t even picked them up yet. I was dreading feeds because of the pain - when they say breastfeeding shouldn’t hurt - I don’t care how good the latch is after 8 hours cluster feeding it hurts.

looking back I am profoundly angry at both the local charity and the helpline for how they made me feel. Both only seemed concerned with baby, and at a time when new mums are feeling like the need support I feel did more harm than good. I can see why EBF drop off rates are so high with the appalling levels of support available.

When you in desperation ask is this normal, I don’t know physically how I can keep on doing this when the first things you here are “is baby gaining weight?” “Can you see them swallowing” then “well that’s really good they are getting all they need”. It really isn’t helpful. I am not asking if baby is ok-I know they are- I’m saying I’m really not ok, how do I do this. And the only answer is baby is doing well you have nothing to worry about, it makes you feel like you don’t matter, lonely, isolated and like your only function in life is to feed baby.

I think particularly charities and circles setting themselves up as support should be regulated or subject to oversight given women are going to them at vulnerable times.

Breast feeding was excruciating in the first week or so but pressing through the pain was worth it as for the next few years (had another baby) I didn’t have to do anything formula bottle related

Going out it was one thing I didn’t have to worry about. Nappies, spare clothes lived in the grab bag by the door replenished each time I got back.

I saw friends struggling to get formular to the correct temperature whilst baby was crying and the stress that caused. Whilst I just whipped a boob out for instant baby milk.

How easy breastfeeding would/could be. I had built it up in my mind to be some kind of ordeal I would be going through.

It was a total breeze for me.

I totally understand that some people find it difficult but I would have appreciated more positivity.