What are your non-negotiables for your child’s phone use? Win The Other Phone worth £279!

[LibbyMumsnet]

As you may have seen by now, we have launched The Other Phone, a safety-first smartphone for children, created with Mumsnet users and built with Nothing and SafetyMode.

First phones can be brilliant for independence but access to the internet on a personal device brings its own safety concerns.

That’s why we have designed a phone that brings you peace of mind: tailored safety settings that suit your family, with the design and performance of a modern smartphone that your DCs will actually want to use.

With a first phone comes new boundaries to set and everyone has a slightly different approach. We’d want to hear what has worked for your family:

• What are your house rules for phones and your DC, and which have genuinely stuck?
• Have any softened as your child has grown?

Share your thoughts below for a chance to win The Other Phone worth £279. One lucky winner will be chosen at random. Enter by 30 November. (T&C's)

Just starting to think about it as we would like our child to have a phone for the transition to secondary, more freedom, and walking to and from school alone. In all honesty, we would like a nationwide ban on smart phones in school forcing all Children down the brick phone rout. We would choose a brick phone, but the social pressure for a smart phone is huge. It has to be all. The evidence is huge that smart phones are bad for kids. Just ban them.

• no phones (or devices) upstairs.
• we can check it anytime
• Apps carefully monitored, no YouTube tiktok, Snapchat etc.
• no internet access
• NO TAKING/SENDING PHOTOS OF ANY PART OF YOUR BODY!

Accompanied by long lectures on how once stuff is sent on phones, it can't be taken back & how they can ALWAYS come to us, even if they think we might be cross, we will help. Always.

I hate it TBH. I hate that we expect them to know how to use these devices appropriately, completely unsupervised when they're still little kids who need help and guidance on how to conduct themselves IRL, let alone online where responsible adults aren't watching.

Really interesting @BathSalt that giving it earlier actually helped you bed the rules in. Now he is 13, does he ask for the same games or apps his friends have, or is he pretty accepting that his phone is mainly for communication?

When they kick off about it, @Mabiscuit do you generally stick to your guns regardless, or are there times you let it slide a bit for an easier life? (Have been guilty of taking path of least resistance a few times).

They will get one when they go to secondary school, as it will be a long way away, and for emergencies. They will have certain rules - no phones at the table, no phones in the bedroom, and certain apps will be out of bounds.
The penalty would be giving them by old samsung basic phone - so they can ring but no smart capabilities until they can show they can be responsible.

Hi @runrabbitrunrabbitrun v impressed by your solid house rules! Do you see yourself loosening them gradually as they get older, or will things like no phones at meals always be non-negotiable in your house?

You sound really open, @littlecottonbud, which must help a lot. Do they actually come to you if they are unsure or see something odd, or do you find you still have to start those conversations?

Not really Becky, he is allowed those apps (or at least we would discuss it) on his iPad so it’s not really a battle we have with the phone. The aim is just to completely separate the phone (communication) from the games. Having said that I did concede the on one app after a reasoned argument (but no moaning) and that was Geocaching. That’s done out of the house and needs a SIM card so doesn’t work on the iPad but it’s a good way to get him out the house/exercising so I did compromise there.

I usually allow an extra 15 minutes "compromise" but I'm the strict one. I had to get my DH on board too as he'd happily allow the easy option.

When DCs were first given phones, I locked them down so there was no internet access at all, only saved contacts could call/message them and downloads had to be approved. As they've got older and demonstrated they could be discerning about what to engage with/not, they have had freer reign e.g. Snapchat wasn't allowed until closer to 15 because of the disappearing posts but they had Instagram sooner than that, along with chats about algorithms and how clicking on #whatever may send them down a rabbit hole they'd rather not explore.

One of the main rules was no access overnight. Even aged 16 and doing GCSEs, phones were off and out of the bedrooms mainly so they had a bit of headspace. For DC1 in particular that was useful (albeit not appreciated at the time) and they simply told friends they switched off their phone to sleep/work at 9pm. I wish I'd not relaxed that rule post GCSE because being available all night is something that has put pressure on DC1 and they're out of the habit of switching off their phone at night. DC2 won't be having that rule relaxed after GCSEs! The rule DC1 hated most was no phones in rooms from midnight if there was a sleepover. Everyone's phones went on the landing to charge. It meant they could access their phone if they needed to (it was less than 1m from DC1's door to the plug) but that they could all sleep without the risk of someone thinking it would be funny to secretly film them or similar. I know they could have got their phones to do it if they'd really wanted to but they never did. I felt strongly that when people are asleep, they are vulnerable and so need to be able to trust the others they are sharing a room with. Having a bunch of phones present and in use just felt risky. None of DC1's friends minded the rule (and yes, their parents were aware of it in advance).

Youngest DC is a teen and has screentime limits on but we're flexible about them and they are changed during holidays etc.

We live in a rural area and children get the bus from age 9 (year 5) so that's the age a lot of them get their first phones, my two dds included.

The school is very strict on phone use at school but it's good to know they are contactable when the buses go wrong.

My main rule is phones stay in the kitchen at night for charging. Fire safety but also I know they can't be on them.

What is ‘Minimalist UI’?

I always read UI, as ‘useful idiot’.

I can do most of those things with an iPhone, to be honest.

Rules have only just lapsed for DD1 who's just gone off to university. Still in place for DD2 (15). But the rules also largely apply to my & DH's phones.

1. I set up their Google accounts and have their (random) log in passwords. They can control their accounts / take control of their phones when they are paying for them. DH & I have finger print access to their phones. (DH & I have finger prints on each others phones too.)
2. Everyone knows everyone else's PIN.
3. No phones (or tablets) upstairs overnight. Kindles are allowed and we have smart clocks that allow you to have different alarms at weekends & play radio / music).
4. Google Family Link until you've finished your GCSE's. With game playing restricted to 2 hours per day weekdays and 4 hours at weekends.
5. We share our locations (& calendars) to each other in the family.

They had tablets from about age 6 with the same controls so they grew up thinking this was normal and we've had no push back - possibly because the children can access our phones (though no finger prints so not all our apps).

That any app download had to be agreed, and will be deleted if there are any issues with it being used inappropriately. I think tweens need a mobile for when they are away from home, but there is a real danger of becoming addicted to posting things and checking what friends are doing.
I just hope the senior school will allow phones, but not during lessons, by them being given to a teacher at the beginning of the school day.

I can see and access phone at all time. At night it’s downstairs

Phone is one of our old ones, so there was no excitement about getting a new one.
Family link means we have to approve any apps or websites.
No gaming on it.
He has Whatsapp but there are no big group chats, just a few with 3 or 4 friends.
I check it whenever i want.
We try to encourage habits around safety and wellbeing too, with all our phones: we don't look at the phone when walking and it's kept in a pocket/bag, not in hands; not having it to hand when eating, watching tv, playing games, etc; no sound notifications so there's no instant 'need' to read messages, they just get seen whenever we choose to check phone.

Oh I forgot another, we will sometimes go out without our phones, to show that phones aren't the be all and end all of safety. So it instills a sense of making sure other factors are thought about, making sure someone knows where you are going, how you are getting there, when you are coming back; do you have money/card with you; do you know others' phone numbers by heart, etc.

To use keep it on silent in school, stop it being confiscated (again) and to know that I can confiscate it when they are on it too much or have downloaded something or gone over their data allowance too early - they are on a fixed data contract which they would need when they are out for whatsapping family,

It's there responsibility to keep it charged, and there is no payment options for buying any apps.

To try to instill that phones are for learning, creating, or staying in touch—not endless scrolling or harmful apps.

I will give my child a smartphone when they go to secondary school at 11.
They know that I may occasionally check activity, not to spy, but to keep them safe. No phones in the bedroom, sleep is important, and the wifi will go off at 8 for their phone connection (once I have worked out how to do this with my ISP)

DD got a phone at 10 when she started walking to school alone. Rules are that she doesn't access the internet and only uses it for phones and text messages. No group messaging and only give phone number out to people we have agreed to having it.

I think 13 is soon enough for a smart phone - they have settled in to senior school and will begin to have more independence and would be mature enough for a smartphone (if they’ve shown responsibility) A phone can also be useful for safety, helping kids stay in touch with family friends (mine have a little whatsapp group for their football team) . However, I've set clear rules, monitor usage, and have ongoing conversations about online safety. I feel with the right boundaries and guidance, a smartphone can help a 13-year-old build important digital skills and responsibility.

My non-negotiables for my 12-year-old’s phone use are simple: safety always comes first, so the phone must stay on during clubs so we can reach each other, but it shouldn’t be used during activities. Only approved apps are allowed, with no social media without permission, and location must stay on when travelling. Messages or history shouldn’t be deleted, and the phone stays out of the bedroom at night. Kindness online is essential, personal details must never be shared, screen time has limits, and if anything ever feels uncomfortable or worrying, he must tell me straight away.

Full access.
I do not allow them at the table or during family time.
It is helpful that the school does not allow them. We talk about phone safety but this phone with the tailored phone settings looks ideal.