Share your tips for buying a first home with the help of family - £200 voucher to be won. This discussion is sponsored by Santander.

[LibbyMumsnet]

This discussion is now closed

The ‘Santander Life after lockdown: the future of UK homeownership’ survey found that over half (52%) of first time buyers see raising a deposit as the biggest barrier to home ownership today. Parents and grandparents are playing an increasingly important role in helping their children get onto the property ladder. If you had or will have financial support from family members to buy your first home, we'd like to hear your experiences.

Here’s what Santander have to say: “When thinking about buying your first home family are often the first ones to turn to for support, with parents and grandparents playing an increasingly critical role. But it can be tricky knowing where to start. So, our Step up: Helping family to buy information pages on santander.co.uk contain a wealth of information to help you get started.”

Did your family support you in buying your first home, or are they planning to? What type of support did they give you - perhaps a loan towards the deposit, or a contribution towards moving costs? How did getting help make you feel? Were there highs and lows, or impacts on your relationship with your family?

Share your experiences on this thread and you will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher for a store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

Insight T&Cs apply

[HandlebarLadyTash]

No help, it was a struggle.
Delayed having children as we knew childcare was expensive.
Finally got round to looking at pensions & the future is bleak. We will not be able to give much financial help to the children & will still be working so will not be giving childcare support or supporting the elderly parents.

[Tumbleweed101]

My parents lived in a council property and had no money to help either me or my sibling. I also live in a council property because its impossible to buy as a single parent on a low wage, even though I work full time. In all honesty if I could buy it wouldn't be as big or as nice as the property I'm renting simply because I could never afford this house at market value.

[Windingshrubberies]

No help at all from family for us. We had both moved away from family for jobs so staying with family wasn't an option. We had to rent whilst saving for deposit etc. Didn't consider asking family for money tbh.

[Pbbananabagel]

We were lucky and my husbands parents gave us money for a deposit as we would never have been able to save working in retail and hospitality in the south east. We weren’t married at that point though so we ringfenced this money by going tenants in common and split shares to protect the deposit and ensure the ‘investment’ grew so if we were to split, it would still work out in my (now) husbands favour.

[alfenbalf]

We didn't get any money from my parents. I will be honest, I feel torn about the whole thing because I strongly feel parents have no obligation to give money to their adult children. However, at the same time, I have been very jealous of other people who did get money from their parents, because I know mine could have afforded to help us. But they didn't, and they didn't help my sister either, so they were fair within the family, and ultimately, it's their money to do with what they wish.

I do vaguely feel it would have been more helpful to both me and sister to be given a deposit, given that we know we'll both get the parents' house and savings when they die anyway, but hey.

[Merryoldgoat]

My PIL gave DH (then DP) £35k which represented a 15% deposit about 10 years ago.

We bought as tenants in common to protect their interest as we had been together a relatively short time.

We bought hour house 6 years ago and are joint tenants as now married with children etc.

My PIL made zero demands or conditions. Just sent the money at the time. Have BIL the same amount when it was time for him to buy also.

[Girraffe1968]

Nope bought my own home ( bungalow) my parents are pensioners my dad died so only my mum living now.

[Underaleaf]

One year, my parents showed me a hand written letter from my brother which started “Dear mum and dad, you know how much you love your grandchildren and you know how much I want a Porsche…”. He was asking them to invest in a shop in London with a flat above it - he would run a business from the shop while they would live in the flat. We discussed it as a family and agreed that he should not risk our parents financial security in retirement with a business venture. They had very little in the way of retirement planning, other than the excess from the sale of the family home when they downsized.

A couple of years later, my mum called to explain that they had lent my brother over £120k as a “bridging loan” to help him buy his dream home. His accountant was on holiday for three weeks and he was worried he wouldn’t get a mortgage in time to buy the house. Sadly, there was no formal agreement of what was expected as it was all done at speed.

At first, (re)payments were made monthly by my brother, but they soon became more and more sporadic. Meanwhile, my brother enjoyed the trappings of living mortgage free from the age of 37, which included holidays abroad, restaurants, cars, and fun. I found my mum crying one day because she hadn’t received any money from my brother for some months yet they could see his wife posting on FB asking for holiday destination recommendations.

I could only appeal to my brother’s sense of duty to make sure our parents didn’t suffer, but his reaction was always the same - “I would have lost my house if it wasn’t for mum and dad”. By lost, he means he wouldn’t been able to pay the mortgage and the property would have been repossessed.

After my mum passed away at the age of 64, I dealt with the estate and needed to document the loan balance for probate. We could not find her little book in which she wrote all her finances, and it transpired my brother wasn’t even keeping track of what he owed them. My dad passed away about 6 years later, skint, and overdrawn at the bank. He used to stay up after midnight on the days his credits were due in at the bank so he could go to bed knowing he could buy food and pay his bills.

My parents regretted giving my brother the loan as it impacted their financial security and caused my mum huge amounts of stress. She always worried about money. I still have access to her email account and it pains me to read emails she sent to her friends explaining their financial insecurities and the impact it was having on their life. The most painful email is one she wrote but didn’t send before she died - she wanted to ask my brother to get a mortgage and repay the loan to my parents so they could have more money to live on and buy a nicer house nearer their grandchildren.

Moral of this story….

If you are in a position to help your kids get on the property ladder, it’s a wonderful thing to do. They will appreciate it and it will set them up for life. Kids - if your parents, or grandparents, are kind enough to help you, please make sure you honour any commitments you have made to them. They only have one retirement and it’s important that they enjoy it after all the years spent working hard.

[Remoteso]

Inheritance from parents was my deposit. Actual inheritance not 'advance' inheritance.

I'm saving already (in my name) in order to help my children out with deposits. House prices have so vastly outstripped wages and I'd rather not have to have them living with us into their 30s plus to save a deposit!

In Scotland we have the ridiculous situation where property in many areas go well over the home report value. Mortgages do not consider this with LTV calculations so often a 10% deposit for a mortgage needs to be 20% to cover the purchase.
Makes an absolute mockery of the home report...

[DinosApple]

No help from my family, but boyfriend at the time had an inheritance from his grandma.
It obviously didn't cause any ructions with his parents, they were just glad it gave us a leg up.

[PlanDeRaccordement]

No, zero family financial help from both my family and DHs family.

We actually bought a plot of land, and then used that as collateral for an owner/builder construction loan. We then built our home from ground up, hiring and managing the different contractors. Once it was done, inspected and approved for habitation, we converted the construction loan to a mortgage loan.

[loadofcrap10]

No, not one penny. When I bought my ex partner out of my current home (for which I paid the deposit) I was on my knees financially. Sheer hard graft, hardly eating as had no spare money (lost a lot of weight). Yes, it nearly broke me mentally but I just kept going. I now, several years down the line, feel extremely proud of what I have achieved independently.
Do I feel bitter and slightly jealous when I read some of these posts? Yes, I do a bit.

[Wegobshite]

My DS is about to inherit around 170k
It wad originally what would have been my inheritance but I asked my parents to change their will in favour of my son as he would not be able to buy a place on his wages and I’m still young 😂 so he won’t inherit from me for ages
However there were a few little rules at least £50k has to be used for a house deposit
He can blow £5k on crap 😂 & 15k on a new car
what’s left over will probably stay in the bank for a while while he decides what to do with it .
It will go into an account where both me and my son have to sign together to take anything out and I will have full access to the account on line so he can’t go blowing it without me knowing 😂

[AmelieV]

While at university, my parents bought a flat at the height of the market. I was given no part in choosing it. I moved in with my sister. About four years after they bought it, they transferred it to me, as they had intended to. Unfortunately the value had plummeted due to the credit crunch and it was 12 long years before it regained its value. However, I kept it for and eventually sold it for a £30k profit. If they hadn't, we couldn't afford to be in the house we are now. Or rather, we possibly could, but we'd be stuck with an enormous mortgage. This way, I expect to be mortgage free in 10 years.

[Quietvoiceplease]

They helped us indirectly. We stayed with them after we married and whilst we tried to find somewhere to buy. We stayed for six months and paid minimal rent. If we had to pay market level rent then our capacity to afford our first home (and our capacity to move quickly) would have been reduced.

[LibbyMumsnet]

Thanks to everyone who took part in this discussion.

The winner of the prize draw is @FoxesAtDawn - congratulations!