Share your tips for buying a first home with the help of family - £200 voucher to be won. This discussion is sponsored by Santander.

[LibbyMumsnet]

This discussion is now closed

The ‘Santander Life after lockdown: the future of UK homeownership’ survey found that over half (52%) of first time buyers see raising a deposit as the biggest barrier to home ownership today. Parents and grandparents are playing an increasingly important role in helping their children get onto the property ladder. If you had or will have financial support from family members to buy your first home, we'd like to hear your experiences.

Here’s what Santander have to say: “When thinking about buying your first home family are often the first ones to turn to for support, with parents and grandparents playing an increasingly critical role. But it can be tricky knowing where to start. So, our Step up: Helping family to buy information pages on santander.co.uk contain a wealth of information to help you get started.”

Did your family support you in buying your first home, or are they planning to? What type of support did they give you - perhaps a loan towards the deposit, or a contribution towards moving costs? How did getting help make you feel? Were there highs and lows, or impacts on your relationship with your family?

Share your experiences on this thread and you will be entered into a prize draw where one lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher for a store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

Insight T&Cs apply

[tonia755]

My parents could not help with money while my parent's in law gave us money for the bedroom furniture and my first son bed furniture . Me and my partner put a lump sum as deposit to start our mortgage. We chose interest only mortgage and yearly I add some money to pay it off .

[Obakarama]

Be born into a rich family. It really helps.

[nestletoulouse]

My parents helped with the deposit and I'm grateful for that everyday. They came and viewed houses with us and supported us through the process. Buying a house with the help of family can sometimes be tricky as you might feel the need to choose something they approve of. However some tips I learnt were:
Listening to their advice - they only want the best for you.
Including them in the process whether it's inviting them to viewings, or just openly communicating about the purchase you're making.
Being respectful of each others views and opinions.
Show how thankful you are.

[Joysutty]

My parents nor my husbands parents didn't help us. We lived off my husbands wages for nearly 2 year + saved mine to get a deposit. But we gave our daughter 15 years ago the money we had saved for her wedding (that sadly didn't go ahead), so With that put that down as a deposit on a half ownership flat with her getting a mortgage on her own + paid rent on %.Sadly last year we couldnt help our son but that his wife's parents have.

[bellanotte22]

My parents gifted us a substantial deposit which allowed us to decrease the loan to value amount and be able to afford a larger mortgage to get a house we would comfortably fit into. We've taken a very different route from how things are traditionally done: kids first, then marriage and now after 14 years together the first home we own ourselves. Without their help we'd never have been able to afford the size of house that gave our growing children the privacy and space they need.

[pushchairprincess]

Scour the free ads for good second hand furniture to help you furnish you home - I got a nearly new washer dryer, stair carpet, 4K television and dining room furniture for a fraction of the new price to furnish my home - meaning more money for the purchase costs (solicitor and deposit)

[LittleDeeAndME]

Work out you mortgage payments and budget for the costs you do not. now pay (council tax, utilities, water rates and house insurance) you do not want to have a home but NO money for day to day costs.

[lovemyflipflops]

I knew where I wanted to buy, my outgoings and the deposit I would need, so agreed an interest free loan with my dad, we all signed a contract, and set up a direct debit and agreed to pay this over 10 years - that way it won't take up too much of our disposable income, and we can have the home we really want.

[Montydoo]

Did your family support you in buying your first home, or are they planning to?

My mum and dad, yes, they gave us 5k towards the deposit which was £7k, my In-laws have no cash spare, but agreed to help with all of the DIY - decorating, getting the garden tidy and usable with a lawn, hiring a carpet cleaner and doing a deep clean for us - which was as valuable to us.


What type of support did they give you - perhaps a loan towards the deposit, or a contribution towards moving costs?

Loan - and getting the house liveable clean and decorated.

How did getting help make you feel?

I did want to do it all by myself, but knew I needed the help and gladly accepted


Were there highs and lows, or impacts on your relationship with your family?

All highs- getting the house ready, being excited when the offer came in and generous with time and money.

[HobNobAddict]

They helped giving practical advice - I wanted a cottage in our village, fell in love with the idea of living there - until my dad pointed out the practicalities - no parking for the future if we got a car, bus was once per hour, and there was no local shops which would mean trips to the supermarket around the hourly bus - or taxi's - that in mind we chose a new terraced, with a drive, on a good bus route and 5 minutes from our supermarket - Dad was right ultimately - Listen to advice always.

[BlowDryRat]

We were very lucky to have substantial help towards the deposit from my parents. It was a gift with no strings attached, which seemed amazing at the time. However, I then divorced exH and he has a charge on the property that my parents essentially enabled us to buy. So the money that they intended to help me is now partially owed to exH.

My friend's ILs helped them out with a deposit but did a legal thing to protect their DS. If she and her DH ever split up then the house's equity can be split in two only after the value of the deposit has been allocated to her DH. That seemed a bit hard-nosed of them at the time but makes sense to me now!

[SearchingTheSkies]

We moved in with family for two years prior to buying our first home. This meant we could save our income to be used as a deposit.

[littlecottonbud]

We started saving for our deposit whilst renting which was HARD, and often we thought we would never make it, my husbands grandad offered to lend us some of his savings, and we were really reluctant to do this (did not want any family bickering should anything happen to him) so he altered his will, so that this money would be taken into account when dividing his estate, I know it's morbid, but there is nothing worse than family and money, we managed to get to our goal of £8k - and as we were in a rented furnished managed to scour the free ads, and ebay for furniture to get us by (got a table and chairs for £40, cutlery from a car boot and curtains from our neighbours) - I won't buy on credit for white goods, so managed until I could afford. Being furloughed and being at home meant we had to tighten our belts further - but we appreciate everything we have now.

[NigellaSeed]

My partner's parents gave him his inheritance early to top up our deposit. It meant we could buy a bigger house and because we have a smaller loan to value, we have smaller monthly repayments too.
The parents are happy to see us enjoy their gift to us.

[KarenCBC]

My parents very kindly gave my brother and I a lump sum for our first homes which I was very grateful for. I bought with an (ex) partner and would recommend getting a Deed of Trust to say what was from each party. It was very useful when things went sour

[Gazelda]

I'm fortunate not to have ever needed financial help from family as I bought my first home in the 80s. Not saying it was easy (15% interest rates, not able to afford a phone, vacuum or car).
But I realise that the reality is very different now.
I anticipate that me and DH will be in a position to help DD substantially if she asks. But I hope that we can do so in a way that she isn't 'handed it on a plate' and has the pleasure of feeling she's earned it the hard way, with the backing of loving parents. I'd hate to think she assumes it's her right to our money.

[thevassal]

My parents said they had £10k to give each of us (3 children) for either a house or a wedding. I went house, 1 sibling went wedding, 1 did half and half. However when it came to it I had just enough with deposit and new job to afford it without the money, so they gave it to me just after I'd moved in, so spent it on furnishings etc. So could have afforded it without their help but meant I could do up the house earlier than otherwise.

However they also helped me in other ways (e.g. I saved up some of the deposit from living with them for a year or two after I graduated), my dad helped with a lot of 'basic' diy, painting, etc., and of course emotional support as another poster mentioned - I think it would be really hard and confusing for someone to buy if they didn't have parents who had done it themselves and knew about mortgages etc., so am very grateful to them.

[SpottyBumPony]

My parents let us live with them rent free and then my husbands father passed away and left £6k inheritance which boosted our savings

[iloverunningslow]

My parents and my husband's parents both gifted us significant amounts towards a deposit, which put us in an excellent position when buying our first house.
One of our parents was a financial advisor so also gave us advice about buying and the market which we followed. They had some input into our choice of house - they weren't controlling but viewed some houses with us and helped with different points of view and spotting things we hadn't spotted.
Since then they also loaned us money interest free for home renovations.
We are enormously lucky that our parents were willing and able to do that. Most people don't get anything like that kind of help.
I don't really have any tips because you can't create this situation for yourself. It's entirely luck. If they hadn't helped us this much we would probably still have bought, but a much smaller house in a less nice area, and it would have taken much longer.
The only thing I can control is that we are planning to help our own children in the future so that's included in our long term financial planning and even our calculation of how much life insurance we needed.

[Ellie977]

I inherited some money from my late uncle which made up a large part of my deposit. However, when my partner and I realised that we wouldn't be able to borrow as much money from the bank as we needed my mum and dad offered us an extra £4k. They said that is how much they gave my brother for his wedding so as long as we didn't want an expensive wedding we could have it towards a deposit (luckly we don't even want a wedding). They also paid for solicitors fees, something that they have done for all thier home owning children. And they paid for the removal people last minute when I informed them that we would probably just do it our selves over several trips in my little Clio, with a 3 month old in tow. I was very sleep deprived lol.

My aunt also gave me a large sum of money as "early inheritance" and my brother and sister kindly chipped in some money too.

I had to send off a lot of gift deposit forms to keep my mortgage company happy but I am in my own home and not throwing money away by paying a landlords mortgage.

I was very emotional when I was offered all the money (I was also very pregnant) and will always be very grateful.

My parents are big believers that thier generation has mucked up the world for my generation and are always happy to help me and my young family as much as they can.

[HouseholdBubblesandEeeeek]

Sadly my parents passed away when I was at school but I inherited money to buy a flat with my brother then a flat of my own some years later. If they’d been alive, I think they would have helped me buy somewhere if I’d needed it. However I have always lived within my means and apart from a few months of unemployment when I was made redundant, I have always worked and saved. My teenage daughter is now very good with money and saving too.

[Thack]

Story from a friend, be clear what the terms are - even with family.
A short email to agree if money is to be paid back, when (monthly? At sale?) and, unless wills are updated, if this would be considered part of inheritance (to be fair to other siblings).

Families see things differently and can fall out. Protect each other by being clear about expectations, it needn't be awkward if you approach it in a forthright way.

[lillypopdaisyduke]

My parents supported me to get my first home, I was living with them and my first DS, and space was in short supply, they advised me on how the process worked, how much deposit I would need, with extras to furnish the home, and to look for an area with good schools, and we looked through Zoopla to find information.
They lent me 10k for the deposit, and said I can be there 5 years before I started to pay this back - we got this in writing and they put this in their will so that it was accounted for.
I have been there 3 years now and have paid 3k back - I trusted their opinions, and advice and although my home is small, I have a garden, a nice area and the local school is a 10 minute walk away. Property prices are so high, I did not want to get into the trap of renting.

[Historyfan]

We where unbelievably lucky-my in-laws bought us our home
They gave us a rough budget and allowed us to buy what suited us-they classes it as giving us our/his inheritance early so they could see us in it before they went
My dear fil died and it was his wish that we where happy before he went
It’s ours to keep or sell as we wish
We couldn’t have been luckier if we’d tried

[Upsiedasie]

We had been saving for some time for a deposit but something f always seemed to come up which scuppered our progress. We had been hoping to get a mortgage with a small deposit (5-10%) but when the pandemic hit, we found that most providers wanted 10-20%. This felt impossible, so we approached my mum for a loan, which together with our savings was our deposit. This was almost a year ago and we are paying the loan off on monthly instalments. It feels so good to be paying into our future and got a decent rate on our mortgage too.