How do you give your children more independence whilst keeping them safe? Share with Vodafone - £200 voucher to be won

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From an early age our children are learning how to be independent, and as a parent, it’s important to nurture and encourage this behaviour. However, striking a balance between your child's desire for independence with their need for safety and restrictions can be tricky. With this in mind, Vodafone would like to hear your experiences of encouraging independence in your children whilst keeping them safe.

Here’s what Vodafone has to say: “Neo won’t just delight your little ones with all it’s amazing features and Disney partnership. It’ll delight you too. Neo works with the Vodafone Smart App where you can create a trusted circle of contacts so that the kids can contact them as well as contact you. The Quick Call feature enables the kids to phone home at the touch of a button, and Neo can’t be used to browse the internet or call people you haven’t specifically added to the trusted contacts circle. You can also set parental controls to help keep the kids safe and manage their screen time. Unlike most activity trackers, Neo can keep you connected to your kids even over very long distances – and you can take it on holiday too, because it works in over 100 countries. You can also view Neo’s location on a map from your phone at the touch of a button for the ultimate peace of mind.”

How do you encourage your children to be more independent? Do you have tips on keeping them safe when out and about for the first time? Perhaps you gave them small responsibilities early on and built up from there? Maybe it was all just a lot simpler with your second child?

Post your experiences on the thread below to be entered into a prize draw where one lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher for a store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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Make sure they understand the consequences and warning signs and always have a backup plan. Make sure they know they can tell me anything without getting in trouble.

It depends on the child. For example, ds1 we would first discuss task at length and then let him do it under supervision. Ds2 on the other hand, needs to do things before they get in his mind. I write (draw) a lot of lists for him. I also teach dc stuff early, which means there is a lot of cleaning up.

Talking to them, honestly, right from the very beginning, in an age appropriate way - so they understand how to assess the world around them and any potential dangers etc.

Also, allowing them to be involved in making relevant choices from a young age - with guidance/steering as necessary.
Keeping communication lines open - my kids know that they can talk to me or ask me about anything. And don't lose your rag when they make a bad choice - instead try and keep calm and help them see where they went wrong and help them find a route out of a bad situation.
Like it or not, they are not ours to keep - it is our job to help them grow into (hopefully) sensible young people who are capable of making the right life choices themselves!

let them have independence in a small area then expand the space and they will understand to come back and follow your rules

Set firm boundaries and have regular check in times.

Gradual process really - ds was allowed to play out on our street when little, he was given a watch and times he had to check in and knew he had to tell me/ask before going into anyone's house or garden.

Then he was allowed to go round the corner to the next street to go to the shop for me (I actually rang the shop keeper who I know to tell them).

By year 6 he was walking to and from school on his own and built up trust by coming straight home etc - at one stage I had to leave earlier than him for a job that required me to set off about 30 minutes before him twice a week and my parents would phone him when it was time to leave and remind him what he needed to do eg. lock the front door. He had a key tied to a long piece of string attached to the inside of his school bag.

Basically small steps and then see if they're capable of handling that freedom/responsibility before considering moving on.

He's now 14 and cycles miles to surrounding villages that have basketball courts or whatever and has a mobile phone that he know has to be charged and he needs to answer or get back to me quickly if he can't.

School is so controlled now eg. fenced in, barely any free time, constant supervision etc that parents need to provide increasing freedoms and responsibilities and ensure there children can be trusted when there is no one around imposing safe behaviour.

My daughter is 8 and plays out by herself on our estate. We're lucky to live on a small estate where we know most of the residents, and my daughter plays with all of the children here.
I also bought my daughter a special watch from Sky that I can call her on, and use the gps to find out her location.

It's a balance between giving some independence, gradually letting them go further, then making sure they know they know a home time, but not helicopter parenting them so they are not capable of assessing risks.

I have always been honest with my children and they know they can talk to me about anything. However, my young son is autistic and doesn't appreciate dangerous situations and is often victimised. This means although I want him to be independent I have to also acknowledge that he may never be able to be safe on his own. I will keep at it though and try different ways such as drawings and role play to try and get him to understand the dangers that he doesn't always see and recognise.

Making them aware of the dangers and teaching them skills to be streetwise.

I was a working mum and my two walked home from school at an early age which I admit probably wouldn’t be thought safe now. Our golden rule was that they weren’t to accept lifts from anyone ever - not friends, not neighbours. I know from friends who offered them lifts that the children stuck to this rule.

Loads of interesting advice on here. Agree, it's all about the balance. So hard to step back and give them that independence but also so necessary.

Lots of good tips on here! I definitely agree that sending kids to brownies/ beavers or similar clubs is a great way to encourage their independence but whilst being in a safe environment. My youngest is 9 and now walks there with a friend, definitely a stepping stone I'm now comfortable with.

Neither of my children have the independence I did at their age, but it's a different world (and also we live in a very different area). I actually try to encourage them to go out by themselves more often especially the older one (13) but they don't want to.
As others have said it was small steps. Our soft play had a little shop that was in the same building, and I used to get DS to go and buy his own drinks when he was six or seven, he liked doing that. Later he would take his brother as well. Then when he was nine or ten he was allowed to go to the corner shop by himself, which is literally round the corner, with one small road to cross (i was counting the minutes until he came back the first few times). Then it was going to Tesco, which is a bit further, and once at secondary school it was going into town with his friends. From 11/12 he has taken the train a few times to London to see friends (about an hour), we put him on at one end, they meet him at the other, and he has his phone.

Since age 10 to 11 - have been allowed to go out to park (just across road) as long as they come back at the pre arranged time.

With 5 kids aged 13, 10, 9, 7 and 6 id like to think mine are street smart as ive always let them have freedom from age 5/6 starting playing on our road with me watching from the garden.
Then once they get to 7/8 its all about talking about road safety/strangers and setting boundaries and curfews of where they are and arent allowed to go to play and how long for which grow bigger with age.
Also I always have the SCREAM talk which is if a stranger comes near you to talk scream loud and run (that way even if its someone friendly better safe and look rude than sorry !!)
Safety in numbers too they arent allowed to go alone to meet friends and i make sure they know never to leave anyone on their own, to always stick together no matter if 1 kid wants to go the shop and other 5 dont you never leave anyone alone unless it's unreasonable and you make yourself go with them.

These watches are such a brilliant idea id love to be able to tell where they are without having to walk around looking as i know mobile phones and 4 kids playing football are a disaster we've had so many broken by accident while playing with them stored in pockets.

I think it’s best to alter the boundaries gradually, allowing children a little more freedom and independence when they are ready for it.

For example, allowing them to walk part of the way to school ahead of you, but waiting for help to cross the busy road.

Being in the scouting movement has definitely helped our son aged 10 to become more independent.
We are now at the stage where he will soon want his own mobile phone (like his friends) and he is already a keen gamer. Internet security is definitely more of a worry.

Thanks for all of your lovely comments! This thread is now closed

Congratulations to @christinawadeley who is the winner of the prize draw!