How do you give your children more independence whilst keeping them safe? Share with Vodafone - £200 voucher to be won

[GraceEMumsnet]

From an early age our children are learning how to be independent, and as a parent, it’s important to nurture and encourage this behaviour. However, striking a balance between your child's desire for independence with their need for safety and restrictions can be tricky. With this in mind, Vodafone would like to hear your experiences of encouraging independence in your children whilst keeping them safe.

Here’s what Vodafone has to say: “Neo won’t just delight your little ones with all it’s amazing features and Disney partnership. It’ll delight you too. Neo works with the Vodafone Smart App where you can create a trusted circle of contacts so that the kids can contact them as well as contact you. The Quick Call feature enables the kids to phone home at the touch of a button, and Neo can’t be used to browse the internet or call people you haven’t specifically added to the trusted contacts circle. You can also set parental controls to help keep the kids safe and manage their screen time. Unlike most activity trackers, Neo can keep you connected to your kids even over very long distances – and you can take it on holiday too, because it works in over 100 countries. You can also view Neo’s location on a map from your phone at the touch of a button for the ultimate peace of mind.”

How do you encourage your children to be more independent? Do you have tips on keeping them safe when out and about for the first time? Perhaps you gave them small responsibilities early on and built up from there? Maybe it was all just a lot simpler with your second child?

Post your experiences on the thread below to be entered into a prize draw where one lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher for a store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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Starting early is good with teaching about being aware of surroundings, etc.

i think kids like the boundaries they have been set, allowed to go to the park but be home by a certain time to build trust . They know this will open up a bit more freedom. We also talk alot about the dangers they may face. Also in a Whatsapp group with their friends parent so we all know what boundaries we have set and help to uphold them.

Definitely small steps here, with us trying things with the children at first, to make sure they know what they are doing, then letting do a little on their own but supervised slightly, then on their own.
It’s not them I’m worried about though. It’s everyone else- you can’t predict what other people will do.
We also encourage from a young age, safety tips about stranger, emergencies etc

I think teaching them responsibility at home (and making them learn their home address and phone number from an early age) goes a long way. I've gradually given my 12 year old more freedom over a few years but they know they have to communicate, keep their phone on and be back on time if they're allowed to go to the shop on their own.

Giving a child a phone "to keep them safe" is false security.

Every child is different so not being influenced by the mindset that "everyone else is doing it"

When I feel my child is ready then walking part of way home from school to start

No mobile until 12

I signed mine up for Beavers/Cubs/Scouts/Rainbows/Brownies/Guides which I think are good organisations for gaining independence within clear boundaries. As others have said it is gradual increase in independence and responsibility and an open discussion if things go wrong.

I live in the countryside and have a very large garden so I think in terms of independence Im able to do that quite freely. I have very strict boundaries in terms of roads and rivers but allow relative freedom within those parameters. We talk about getting lost and what to do I trust my DC and I think giving them rrlative freedom has taught them to think fir themselves/develop common sense. My parameters/boundaries are different depending on the situation and I tend to roll them back in places my DC dont know or situations they are less familiar with eg in an urban setting, holiday etc

I have taught my children to be responsible and aware of their surroundings. Gradually allowing them a little more freedom and always knowing where they are and when they will be home.

I have always been a believer in you can't bubble wrap your kids. I personally started by allowing my daughter to walk small distances to a shop etc but she had to stay on the phone to me at all times. She was allowed to go out to meet friends but she had to contact me when arrived and when leaving and if I was to contact her the rules were she had to answer. I had a gps tracker on her phone which was not allowed to be turned off and she was not allowed any further than 10 minutes from home as she started following the rules the further she could go it's all about trust but making sure they follow your rules
It's important to make them aware on what to do in an emergency situation make sure they know where to go who to contact and how to stay safe by not going in dark unlit areas or walking alone at night. We talk openly about online safety and stranger awareness.
So far this has worked for us and I plan to do the same with my three other kids as they get older

you can't get it right all the time, but nothing beats explaining yourself to your kids despite all the eye rolls, aw mums and annoyed looks :)

I have taken them on public transport (with me) and let them buy their own tickets, they have pocket money and have the choice/guidance to spend on sweets and magazines, or save for something more substantial (PlayStation game) which gives them the responsibility, and we talk about money, strangers and staying safe on-line. They know they can talk and ask me about ANYTHING they are unsure of - no matter how trivial .

Keep them close, else they will go to their peers for advice. Be honest about the dangers they will be facing from an early age, then trust that they will behave responsibly when in a potentially dangerous situation.
As others have mentioned, allow kids to take risks, allow them to fail and to assess.
On a practical leve when mine go to the park without me they take an old phone that just does text and calls. Not sure it makes them safer, but I prefer to be able to contact them, and to know they can contact me.

Initially it was a case of doing activities together, including watching tv programs, playing games etc., whilst at the same time teaching them rules. As the kids got older and less time was put towards supervision, they instinctively knew what to do.

I feel like the world nowadays is dangerous in a different way to the world pre-smartphone, especially with the addition of social media. We have a no social media rule in our household, as I really feel that for some kids, things like that really dumb them down and make them less aware of the world around them. We definitely started off with small responsibilities and tasks and gradually moved up.

I find adding extra things a bit at a time helps - for now my 8 year old likes to walk far ahead of me and cross the (quiet) school road it’s ahead of me. So I can see him still!

It's always small things at first, a bit like letting go of an imaginary leash inch by inch. Things like not holding hands from a certain age so they feel more grown up and get used to that, to making their own trips to the local grocery store to teach them to be independent.

I've never dismissed anything the kids tell me, even the trivial stuff because although it may be silly to us adults, to the kids it's a big thing. So when you end up dismissing it, the kids then feel like they can't tell you when it actually is a big issue.
So although I increase their freedom, it's with the knowledge that I can fully trust them to tell me about any problems they have or call for help.

I think it's definitely important to build up their independence over time, gradually increasing it as they get older. DD is 16 now, and obviously does most things independently, but we have an agreement that she'll text me regularly to let me know that she's safe, and so that I know where she is, who she's with etc.

It's a gradual process, and I find peer pressure hard to combat - 'well my friend can go to town on the bus - why can't I ??' I negotiate with DS, and make boundaries clear, I will also WhatsApp other friends mums (we have a football mums group) so we can arrange trips to the cinema, or bowling with groups, with bus times, a certain amount of spending money and times to be home. DS knows that if there are extensions to time - you must ring with the time they will be home (busses do miss after all) Responsibility is earned, and justifield.

If they learn to look after their possessions from an early age, which I try to do, (coats shoes, reading books and PE kit) there will be a natural progression to a mobile phone, so when they go to year 7 they can let me know if there is an after school event, missed bus. When they go out with friends, this helps. DS age 12 has his own debit card, with his weekly spending money added, so can learn to budget, save and buy his own games and I can add money for his meals out with friends.

Make boundaries clear, and any consequences of breaching the boundaries you give - stick to them, no matter how bad you feel - an early. night or no internet for a day will stick with them. let them have a mobile phone when they need one - year 7, and reward responsibility with praise.

Give small opportunities to be independent and make choices from a very early age. Gauge how they respond and increase or decrease the freedom as required.

Teaching them to be street smart from a young age and supervising them whilst they're young and trying new things in order to make sure they're safe but once they're confident and they get older, step back so they can become independent.

We also encourage from a young age, safety tips about stranger, emergencies etc

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