How do you give your children more independence whilst keeping them safe? Share with Vodafone - £200 voucher to be won

[GraceEMumsnet]

From an early age our children are learning how to be independent, and as a parent, it’s important to nurture and encourage this behaviour. However, striking a balance between your child's desire for independence with their need for safety and restrictions can be tricky. With this in mind, Vodafone would like to hear your experiences of encouraging independence in your children whilst keeping them safe.

Here’s what Vodafone has to say: “Neo won’t just delight your little ones with all it’s amazing features and Disney partnership. It’ll delight you too. Neo works with the Vodafone Smart App where you can create a trusted circle of contacts so that the kids can contact them as well as contact you. The Quick Call feature enables the kids to phone home at the touch of a button, and Neo can’t be used to browse the internet or call people you haven’t specifically added to the trusted contacts circle. You can also set parental controls to help keep the kids safe and manage their screen time. Unlike most activity trackers, Neo can keep you connected to your kids even over very long distances – and you can take it on holiday too, because it works in over 100 countries. You can also view Neo’s location on a map from your phone at the touch of a button for the ultimate peace of mind.”

How do you encourage your children to be more independent? Do you have tips on keeping them safe when out and about for the first time? Perhaps you gave them small responsibilities early on and built up from there? Maybe it was all just a lot simpler with your second child?

Post your experiences on the thread below to be entered into a prize draw where one lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher for a store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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It's being like "I'm here, I've got you, but what are you going to do to fix it?"

Keep in sight but don’t talk to - gives them the feeling of being alone. Give “grown up” jobs to do. Let them make own choices when possible

Teach them not to chat online with people they don't know, explain that they may not be children they're talking to but adults so explain the dangers they may get into if they agree to meet someone they don't actually know. Make sure you have safety measures set on phones, computers, television etc so they can't access things they shouldn't

My toddler is 18 months and I've taught him from early on that he must always hold my hand - I always praise him for doing so and hopefully that becomes a familiar phrase to him and it keeps him out of danger.

I tried to gradually let my children have independence in small steps.
I think the very first thing was put a Christmas card through the next door neighbour's letter box. It seemed easier with my second child but probably because his sibling went with him to the corner shop.
Trust and communication is so important so we can talk about things.

It is important to make sure your kids are safe and not putting themselves at risk both online and out in the world but teaching them some independent skills is good too, such as managing their own pocket money, basic chores and travelling on the bus etc.

I let my kids have a go henry card which i put a small amount of money in each month and they can only buy what they have enough for. Teaches them money management and both mine now know how to save

gradual independence from age 9 ......observability but not micro-managing from 10 ...... recognise and adjust patterns in a way that doesn't kill creativity or individuality of your child all the way up to 14 because scooters , bikes and apps evolve

We started with small steps and it something that's grown over time. For example when we're out, maybe an attraction we always discuss what to do if she gets lost. She feels secure to have fun and I'm secure knowing she knows what to do if she gets lost or worried

We talk about what to do if you get lost in a shop, on a beach etc. Child knows my mobile number and it’s also printed on name labels in their clothes.

It is paramount that independence be give gradually so that it will built up the child confidence and learn to take responsibility.
I have pocket money my children earned during week where they have used their initiative to help others outside or at home. Any good deed they earned 10p and on Sat they are given the cash to spent on what they want. The older children are allowed to go to the local shops on their own and the time they need to be home.The younger ones I went them.

We have introduced the “stranger danger” to make our daughter more aware of her surroundings. It’s small steps at a time, always giving her some small degree of independence (eg she thinks she made some decisions whilst through questions we made her make the right decision).

A little more responsibility a bit at a time until they feel confident. Trying not to let your own anxieties get in the way of them having fun

I have started letting me daughter walk into the school and out by herself (she's 10) and will let her a little further by herself each term. I've always got her to put her own clothes in the washing machine and she's made her own breakfast for a while. She has also just started packing her own lunch and PE/Swim kits, etc. I think a little at a time is important

Just start at a early age as they grow let them do somethin g like start dressing themselves ,a nd give them a bit more independ ence as they grow

It's important to give independence at a young age by letting them move around with lots of friends. Talk through the issues around going off on their own.
Be open and honest.

Trust is the key and give them advise and support how to staying safe online, talk about mental health and growing up time.

My child is quite young still so likes knowing I'm there. I try to step back as much as possible. Independence is so important for feeling confident in new situations especially when they're at school or in after school classes when you're not present.

I'm a nan now but, when my children were young, I would let them walk/run/skate etc. ahead but give them a stopping point to wait for me. If they failed to stop at the agreed place, then it was back to holding my hand, when out and about, until they got the message that independence was gained through trust.

Now, my granddaughter comes to stay and I am teaching her how to prepare some of the basics- she's 9. So she will make me a cup of tea, get all the ingredients out for a meal, prepare sandwiches, peel the potatoes etc. having been shown how to do these things beforehand and supervised the first few times. It makes her feel very grown up.

I find that building up responsibility little and often has worked well. I sometimes try to push my daughter a little bit out of her comfort zone eg if she wanted something in a cafe encouraging her to ask herself instead of me just sorting it.
Also allowing her to make mistakes so that she knows it happens and learns from it.
She is 10 now and pretty sensible and keen for more independence. We talk about the risks of things before allowing it and where possible keep an eye from a distance eg the walk to breakfast club she crosses the road by herself and walks the last bit but we watch her from a distance until she gets there.

I make sure my eldest knows how to access the emergency contacts on my phone in case anything happens to me and he needs to be in charge. I think covid has been a massive set back to their independence. Even going to the park and letting them run around with a friend was illegal, so they have been under close supervision at all times. They need a bit of freedom to play and explore.

I would say set definite boundaries, I was fortunate in that our older 2 were quiet and reserved so never sought to go too far afield, however if they did go out we wanted to know exactly where to and for how long if only for peace of mind. Difficult with our youngest who is nearly 11, he has severe learning difficulties and as he is clinically vulnerable he has been home schooled for the last year or so, his freedoms were severely curtailed with the covid threat so we had to improvise and allow him greater, (accompanied at all times!), freedoms round the home which in turn have led to learning more lifeskills. I think this sort of thing depends on the parents, the situation and the parent/child relationship, there cannot be one right or wrong answer.

I’m not sure I have any other tips apart from starting small to build up their confidence. Teaching then how to use a phone - making sure they have a data plan sk they can call you or can have data on so iphone tracking works. This Neo sounds good - I felt I have to give the kids a smart phone when they get to secondary school so I can use iphone tracking, but I like the sound of the Neo as I’ve always felt a bit uncomfortable giving the kids so much access so young.

Every time I went out anywhere with my child as she grow up I would point out all the dangers like crossing a road at the crossings, l told her never to rely just on the lights turning red, double check to make sure that all the cars have fully stopped before starting to cross. and never walk up anywhere if she on her own and always check behind her or if its to dark to see in front of her that she must ring us . I also told her if for any reason she gets scared she got to give us a ring. It is what my parents told me as I was growing up. My parents also told me never trust anyone that offers help if I am alone and scared an that I must tell whoever it is that I am fine because my mum and dads on their way to get me. we didn't have mobile phones like nowadays.

This is a really interesting one. I grew up on an island & was allowed out to play, walk down to friends houses, etc. from around the age of 6 or 7 - as long as my parents knew where I was going - it was fine. From 10 - I'd be hopping on & off buses all summer going to the beach, visiting friends, etc. They trusted me & I really enjoyed the freedom & independence. Things have definitely changed since then, more so as I now live on 'the mainland' (no laughing). We live fairly rurally - but on a large estate of 100 or so houses.
My son is 8 & I am happy for him to go out & play - as long as I know where he's going, who he's with & he returns home at the time he says he will, or comes back to tell me if they are going anywhere else.
He's sensible & we have talked about personal safety often, & will continue to do so.
We have a street 'What's App' group so we check in & if someone has lost track of who is at who's house - we can keep each other updated.
Modern times are scary - there is always a risk, but that feeling of independence is wonderful & I believe is intrinsically linked to levels of self-confidence & self-esteem as kids grow.