How do you give your children more independence whilst keeping them safe? Share with Vodafone - £200 voucher to be won

[GraceEMumsnet]

From an early age our children are learning how to be independent, and as a parent, it’s important to nurture and encourage this behaviour. However, striking a balance between your child's desire for independence with their need for safety and restrictions can be tricky. With this in mind, Vodafone would like to hear your experiences of encouraging independence in your children whilst keeping them safe.

Here’s what Vodafone has to say: “Neo won’t just delight your little ones with all it’s amazing features and Disney partnership. It’ll delight you too. Neo works with the Vodafone Smart App where you can create a trusted circle of contacts so that the kids can contact them as well as contact you. The Quick Call feature enables the kids to phone home at the touch of a button, and Neo can’t be used to browse the internet or call people you haven’t specifically added to the trusted contacts circle. You can also set parental controls to help keep the kids safe and manage their screen time. Unlike most activity trackers, Neo can keep you connected to your kids even over very long distances – and you can take it on holiday too, because it works in over 100 countries. You can also view Neo’s location on a map from your phone at the touch of a button for the ultimate peace of mind.”

How do you encourage your children to be more independent? Do you have tips on keeping them safe when out and about for the first time? Perhaps you gave them small responsibilities early on and built up from there? Maybe it was all just a lot simpler with your second child?

Post your experiences on the thread below to be entered into a prize draw where one lucky MNer will win a £200 voucher for a store of their choice (from a list).

Thanks and good luck with the prize draw!

MNHQ

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I think it's important to teach them what's safe as well as what's not safe, e.g. yes you can walk home from school by yourself, just make sure you use the inconvenient crossing rather than darting across the road like all the parents taking their DC to school. Let them know where to turn to for help, what to do in an emergency and, as they get older, that you'll come and get them any time of the day or night.

My grand daughter is just coming to the end of her first year in high school and has become much more independent this year. She is now allowed to and from school on her own (she meets friends along the way) but before she did this she had a few dummy runs with her mum to identify the best places to cross busy roads. We talk frankly with her about all sorts of situations she may find herself in over the next few years - boys drink drugs etc and try to equip her to make sensible decisions about all these things. As some other contributors have said communication is key and children must know that even if they do something silly they must be able to bring it home.

I think my 5yo would like more independence than I feel comfortable to give. I like to have her in sight at all times, at home and out and about and not sure how to be able to do this. I just can't get out of my head what if

Try and teach as much as you can (age appropriately) from a young age

small steps and trust

start young and build it up slowly

I believe having an open and close relationship with your children is key. If they feel they can tell you anything without getting 'into trouble' as such; it can go a long way to building trust.

First of all, ask them to help you with jobs, things you do around the house & garden, then gradually give them more responsibility.

Make them take responsibility for their actions and choices whatever the age. A child who learns early that actions have consequences, good and bad, will realise the importance of safety, following rules, considering options and being a good citizen. That in turn will make them confident and independent.

I think every child is different and has different perceptions of danger DS1 - 11, has diagnosed ASD, and he peer group of friends appear to be all on the 'spectrum' so I would not let him go out unsupervised , DS2 is 9 and totally sensible and has a great peer group of friends so I do tend to let him play football on the field 10 minutes away with his friends and give him a time to come home. Every child is different, and you should know their ability and circumstances

It's been a gradual process gaining my trust, doing things on their own being responsible for their own bedroom, their spending money on a bank card, and now a phone whenever they go out, so I can ring them, they can ring me - and any going outside of the boundaries I have set have consequences - which I do stick to - or what is the point ?
I an really pleased with how they have embraced their new responsibilities are are growing up to be trusted and have the confidence they will need for year 7

Can I just say that if they had things like this out years ago a lot of missing children could be found, had they just wandered off. Look at poor Maddie McCann had the parents had one on each of their wrists the outcome could have been so much different. Not only that but they are now saying (or some are saying) being attracted to children is a disease. Onto a lighter point our children are becoming more tech savvy with my last partner I have a 14yr old although she would think this would be invading her privacy I’d have no problem on putting them on my toddlers in the future. Don’t be scared of the future embrace it and learn along with our young ones to keep them safe.

Build your trust and responsibilities as the kids grow. Teach them from a young age about rights, wrongs, dangers, but most importantly to be able to approach you about anything.

It's always small steps. It's hard as a mum to let go and stop keeping your kids in a bubble, but you know at some point you have to let them fly and start finding their own path.

I've found that every mother is different regarding the age they feel is fine to start letting go. One of the the first things I did was let the kids go to the corner shop on their own, then it was going into town after school. It sort of came naturally and all my kids were different when it came to when they first started becoming mature.

Teach them safety, care, respect and responsibility. Give them task to do and keeping an eye on them. They can play games with their friends as long as you know them. I think one friend will be ok? They can help with the kitchens duty

I teach my kids to be independent by teaching them to go to the shops themselves

Start from young and build up that independence. Little things like getting them to help around the house and learning skills such as how to use a knife and how to use a cooker safely.
We've discussed stranger danger, dangers on the internet/ social media, fire safety, rail safety & the Highway Code etc.
They are only 6 & 8 but it's a good start and is important to be honest & open about things so the mutual trust is there.

We've built up independence gradually, for example gradually increasing the amount of the school run my daughter could walk on her own (I'd meet her at points gradually further from school). We set ground rules and sometimes check they're being followed, and regularly talk about what to do if something doesn't go to plan.

We use a tracking app to make sure my daughter can always be located. She also always has money in her wallet and her Go Henry card on her for safety purposes! Oh, and she's not allowed out without a fully charged phone and portable charger!

My kids are currently learning about money using kids monopoly - I want them to learn the value of money at an early age

We give them chores around the house, it gives them a sense of responsibility and helps boost their self-confidence ,as they see that their work makes a valuable contribution to their family.

My toddler is allowed to walk beside me without holding hands in quiet residential areas so that he learns to manage his own safety beside a road

I'm not sure there's one single way to this. I have the view that you can prepare your children but you can't entirely protect them - and that feels a very scary thing,
However, I don't want my DDs growing up too fearful to live their lives. I think small steps is the way to go, and a reminder that providing information about where they are is part of enabling them to have freedom and safety.

From an early age talk to them about keeping safe. Give them responsibility gradually.

I think it's baby steps so both the parent and child can get used to it. We can't keep them locked up forever and independence needs to be encouraged. We started with popping to the local shop and then progressed from there.

It was scary, but more for me than him, but we've survived and he always has his phone so I can track where he is.

I think the biggest thing is not trying to protect them from everything, to let them make as many independent choices and decisions as possible and do as much for themselves and others as possible from a young age.

As a parent it can be easier to do things for them, but this denies them the opportunity to learn the skills to do it themselves, and to try and fix their problems and influence their decisions, but this denies them the opportunity to learn to manage feelings like disappointment, regret, discomfort, boredom and frustration all of which are so important to learn to manage, and it also denies them the opportunity to make mistakes. Some of life's biggest lessons are in making mistakes and learning to manage The consequences of that.

So any opportunity for them to resolve their own issues, even from being toddlers right up, it's asking them what they can do, how they can solve it. It's important to be there with boundaries and love and comfort, but most of their problems can be resolved by them. It's trusting them, but being there to catch them if they do fall.