Share your stories with MyFampal of how you deal with behavioural/mental health issues with your DCs – £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[EmmaMumsnet]

To coincide with the launch of the MyFampal new app called MyFampal Parent, they have asked us to find out how you deal with behavioural and mental health issues with your children - whatever their age. The new app is designed to help parents to check, monitor and help take control of their family’s emotional wellbeing - by enabling families to identify, monitor and pre-empt issues before they take root.

Here’s what the team at MyFampal have to say: “Whether their children’s behaviour is considered ‘normal’ or healthy is a concern for all parents. Behavioural, emotional and mental health issues affect many families and vary hugely in form, often making them difficult to spot. It’s difficult to know for sure whether children are just going through a rough patch or struggling with something more concerning. MyFampal Parent is an easy-to-use app that helps you monitor how well your family functions as a unit and then lets you compare your results against others. In the same way that we take exercise and manage what we eat to maintain fitness, MyFampal Parent is here to help you with your families’ emotional wellbeing. Do download the app, try it for yourselves, and let us know what you think.”

MyFampal would love to hear your views on their App, but also how you have dealt with any potential behavioral, emotional or mental health issues your children have struggled with. At what age or development stage caused you the most concern? Do you have
an approach or method that allowed you to remember the key issues as they happen and keep dialogue open with your children so that they can communicate their emotions to you? Or do you have any techniques for how best to handle continued behavioural issues?

Please share your stories below of how you discovered and got through any tough times with your children - from toddlers to teens or even older adult children. Whether you have helpful feedback on the app or stories of how you got through it all to the other side, or if you are only just beginning to understand whether your DCs behaviour is healthy/’normal’ or they are struggling, MyFampal want to hear your thoughts.

Everyone who posts below will be entered into a prize draw where one Mumsnetter will win a £300 voucher of their choice (from a list).

Thank you and good luck!

MNHQ

Standard Insight T&Cs apply

I found when my dc was a toddler and his behaviour was unacceptable I would tell him and put him on the naughty step.As he's grown I now sit him down and talk to him .

We find time outs work, but that at the end of it, they need to talk to you about how they felt about it.

We used the naughty step to define unacceptable behaviour

Always listen and don't panic

what a brilliant sounding app. Anything that helps get mental health into the open and not a taboo subject is great! Although it was horrible at the time, I had severe postnatal depression with my youngest and it was related to undealt with grief and bevreavement - it was actually good for my older two to see me go through that as it has meant that it is something we can openly talk about. My 10 year old speaks of things sometimes that concern me (not wanting to live anymore) - but it is usually just when he has had a bad day and then when we talk things through and get to the root of the problem, he ends up fine again. At least i am glad he does talk about things. Harder for my eldest as he doesn't really open up much at all.

We have just had a really tough time behaviourally with my six year old son. When my husband was made redundant in May my son got very anxious about Daddy being home all the time, he also obviously picked up on very high emotions within our house regarding financials too. At first it started as bedwetting incidents and then he has been very behaviour challenging. Its tough being a mum and seeing your son struggle and understanding why he is behaving badly and trying to balance between how much to let go and how much not too. I have been talking to him about it and encouraging him that it is ok and we very quickly tried not to let the emotions show to such a high level. The only thing that has resolved it fully has been my husband starting a new job in the last few weeks.

I try to stay calm. If we are out I take my little boy to one side somewhere quiet so I can talk to him about his behaviour. I let him know what is and isn't acceptable and always ask he understands, give him a cuddle and kiss and tell him I love him. If that doesn't work then I let him know we will leave or he will not have anything and I always follow through because if you don't then they will not listen. I know not every child will respond to this but you have be consistent with them in my opinion anyway.

My son has Aspergers and I always ask myself if something is either him being a typical child, or is it due to his condition. Very often I am worrying over nothing, and actually some this he has done/said/worrying about etc is just a typical scenario and isn't necessarily caused by his condition. That helps and is reassuring, and is then easy to seek support and advice from anyone. Luckily, I have a friend who also has a son on the autistic spectrum for the times that I need a bit more specific support from someone with similar experiences to us.

My daughter was very conscious of her appearance at 11/12, she wore glasses, had protruding teeth with a large gap, and her hair was quite short. She was extremely bright and very tuned into people calling her names. When she moved to grammar school at 11 she won a spelling competition and after that her life was made hell. She was taunted and tormented. At the same time she went to an out of school event where a boy showed her attention, he was only a year older, and he started to 'groom' her. Telling her she should be grateful for his attention. Both the bullying at school and the attention of this boy ran alongside each other. Gradually they eroded her confidence, her best friend said she should be grateful for the boy's attention as she would probably never have a real boyfriend. She eventually had a breakdown. I discovered boys had been sending her 'dick pics' and she thought this was because that was all she was worth to them. Braces fixed her teeth and she started wearing contact lens, her hair grew into a luxurious mane, but the legacy never left her, she could never escape the name calling. After the breakdown she had counselling, changed schools and made a new start. She is still very unsure about peoples' intentions, needs a lot of attention and reassurance, but she's in a better place mentally. She needed continuing attention for the sexual abuse which had moved from talking to touching, and I still have to monitor new people coming into her life, but, overall she is much better, although I think there will be more counselling in the future. I really appreciate all the helplines I have been able to contact as we have worked through the last 3 years.

I'm struggling with this at the moment. School is being as supportive as they can be but some teachers are making it worse.

I have been to the doctors on numerous occasions who tell me that it's something school has to deal with. Very frustrating.

I research as much information online as I can and try and provide as much support and a listening ear as and when needed.

Baking together

My 8 year old twins have been been diagnosed with autism. My son was diagnosed when he was 3 & he's still non verbal. He now attends a special school. His twin sister was diagnosed with asbergers only in May. She is extremely intelligent which isn't uncommon in kids with asbergers but she struggles terribly with social situations, her emotions & anger. I'm due to start a 12 weeks course run by cahms called "riding the Rapids" which is meant to be excellent & really effective in helping with meltdowns, which is what I'm desperate for at the moment. Maisie can become very violent when she's having a meltdown & has hit me in the face, scratched me, kicked me & spat at me. It's been hell... I'm really hopeful that this course will help & id recommend anyone awaiting a referral from cahms or a diagnosis of asd or adhd, applies to go on this course.

I always encourange mine to be open because talking and listening are key things in Mental Health. Mine are quite you but they are never too young to start learning. If you set the foundations beforehand, you are in a really good position if they ever need to come to you for help. Simple things like 'how are you feeling today'? Be aware of any changing moods and behaviours.

I am work in a Mental Health role and constantly learning from people around me so I can apply this knowledge to my own family life.

Not so sure about an app though because families are unique.

My child is quite good (other than the normal outbursts) but she had dreadful terrible twos! Screaming, biting, scratching, hating the word no. Some days I was too worried to try taking her out. I tried everything, naughty step, taking away toys, counting to 5 and none of it really worked for me so to my shame I tended to give in to whatever she was going mad about. I did worry it would set us up badly for the future but she is lovely now

I agree with people above come on ! Your GP is there for you your children are just starting out give them a chance!

One of my twin boys has mental health issues and learning difficulties. Its very hard to deal with. The best help i get is from CAMHS as they make it a clearer picture, when you get overwhelmed with what the child is going through and whether or not you are managing, they pull it all together and help you see a little more clear. I believe the best way to try and deal with it, is to be understanding, listen, learn and put yourself in your childs shoes. Try to work out a plan between yourselves how you are going to deal with the issues and make them more manageable.

I have a friend who's son was diagnosed with ADHD, it was quite some time ago but I remember the help and information available to her was very limited and she struggled to cope. If only Mental Health and Behavourial issues were talked about more we might start to change peoples views.

I'm wondering about my eldest at the moment as he seems to be having a hard time with his behaviour. His cousin has ADHD and her family constantly talk about how 'bad' she is, yet she is an angel compared to my son....odd. I'm hoping it's just the transition of going back to school after 6 weeks off.

But to help I try to leave him alone until he calmed down and then I approach and try to talk it through. Sometimes time can be helpful in these situations.

MyFampal have reached out with some feedback, here is a message from MyFampal below:

Thank you all for your feedback. Your stories and thoughts have been incredibly useful to-date. We wanted to clarify a few points that have been raised.

1 - Myfampal are not, and do not set out to be an alternative to mental health services. We do not provide online alternatives to therapy that should be given by a mental health professional. We provide a service that enables parents to monitor your children's emotional well-being and therefore flag and help you prevent any concerning issues escalating to mental health challenges. We are about evidence-based prevention. Health services are about evidence-based treatment.

2 – Myfampal are all about prevention. We know that everyone has a unique experience with their family, and this App has been developed by people who have lived with the challenges that so many face. We know first-hand that there is minimal preventative support and advice you can get from your GP or mental-health services. We believe these dedicated professionals provide an amazing treatment service with the resources they have, but have no bandwidth to provide preventative services. This app helps you to monitor your child's development objectively with validated questionnaires. If you note something concerning, unusual and pervasive in your DCs emotions and behaviour, we believe you will find the results of a validated questionnaire helpful in your discussions with healthcare professionals. That’s a big if. Most findings are ‘within normal range’ as doctors would say, and manageable through support from friends, family and communities like Mumsnet.

3 – Our service is funded through a subscription (£7.99 per quarter in UK). Information is available on our pricing page and we apologize if this was not easy to find. We made a couple of changes to the site already and would value your feedback.

Above all, we are about prevention and providing a short-cut to evidence-based support - we know it will not be for everyone but we would love more feedback with this in mind.

Thank you all again for your insights.

We are having problems with my son as he behaves strangely. He is hyperactive, lacks of concentration and laughs to himself a lot. He is getting some support at school and has been referred for and audiology visit, to a paediatrician and educational psychologist. We need to wait and see what the outcome is. I would like to know what it is wrong with him so we could find way to support him. At the moment we are being very patient without pushing him too hard and giving him lots of affections.

Leave the room when they lose it, and then afterwards talk very quietly but firmly to them; no raised voices at all

We have a naughty corner but that is the last resort

I looked at the website, and it felt to me like it would appeal to people who are naturally anxious but is likely to fuel that anxiety through what seems like a "competitive comparison". I'm not sure there is value in comparing one's own situation to anothers, particularly if you're going through tough life experiences such as moving house, divorce, bereavement etc. I'm not sure it's going to tell me anything I wouldn't know already.

I don't know how it would work - it looks like you score your family on their behalf (in which case how do you know you are scoring accurately) - but if you asked the kids to score themselves I can see that going down like a lead balloon among older kids! A lot of mental health issues are concealed by their nature, if you have a good relationship with your kids you'll know if they're up or down compared to their usual selves, so you don't need the tool. If you have a poor relationship with your kids, you're not going to know what's going on with them to score them accurately so I don't see how it works or helps. I find things like Mumsnet much more helpful to pop on with the "is this normal/anyone got any tips on handling this" practical support.

I like the idea of monitoring and tracking the emotional well being of my family.
It probably needs buy in from older family members which may be tough. In my family I would be the only one to engage willingly with this app.

I'm also concerned with the comparison with other families idea and don't see how this would work or be helpful. Unless the app includes standard diagnostic questionnaires eg for depression?

My 15 year old had a panic attack at the beginning of August. He was in bed, after a long day out with his friends, had never ever experienced anything like this before, and it scared the absolute life from him. Since then, we have been talking every day, and he says it is helping. As he was getting more and more afraid of bedtime.
I have three other children too, two younger than my 15 yr old, and my son would tell me how stupid he feels being frightened of bedtime being 15.
We talk everything through, over and over, reassuring him, talking through his fears, explaining how he is one big ol' barrel of hormones too atm which won't help.
His main problem was that every time he got into bed his heart rate would shoot up, (anxiety) and of course, once you start hearing your own heart-beat, you cannot shut it out.
We have been to Hell and back these past few weeks, but slowly he is getting better.
I offered to take him to the Doctors, but, and I could be wrong, but I think its because he watched my Mum, his Nan, battle depression and constantly taking trips to the Doctors, that he decided that he wanted to do this without medical help.
He knew that they are there to help him if it got too bad, so I think he saw the Doctors as a safety net. He is slowly starting to sleep better, eat better again, be happier, as in the daytime he would get to about 4 and start getting so anxious he would have to stand and throw water in his face to calm himself.
He is my sweet sensitive boy, I would have happily taken on every inch of his pain these past weeks, but I am so proud with how strong he is. I love that we can talk about anything, and I think to be honest, this has even made us closer. xxx