Share your stories with MyFampal of how you deal with behavioural/mental health issues with your DCs – £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[EmmaMumsnet]

To coincide with the launch of the MyFampal new app called MyFampal Parent, they have asked us to find out how you deal with behavioural and mental health issues with your children - whatever their age. The new app is designed to help parents to check, monitor and help take control of their family’s emotional wellbeing - by enabling families to identify, monitor and pre-empt issues before they take root.

Here’s what the team at MyFampal have to say: “Whether their children’s behaviour is considered ‘normal’ or healthy is a concern for all parents. Behavioural, emotional and mental health issues affect many families and vary hugely in form, often making them difficult to spot. It’s difficult to know for sure whether children are just going through a rough patch or struggling with something more concerning. MyFampal Parent is an easy-to-use app that helps you monitor how well your family functions as a unit and then lets you compare your results against others. In the same way that we take exercise and manage what we eat to maintain fitness, MyFampal Parent is here to help you with your families’ emotional wellbeing. Do download the app, try it for yourselves, and let us know what you think.”

MyFampal would love to hear your views on their App, but also how you have dealt with any potential behavioral, emotional or mental health issues your children have struggled with. At what age or development stage caused you the most concern? Do you have
an approach or method that allowed you to remember the key issues as they happen and keep dialogue open with your children so that they can communicate their emotions to you? Or do you have any techniques for how best to handle continued behavioural issues?

Please share your stories below of how you discovered and got through any tough times with your children - from toddlers to teens or even older adult children. Whether you have helpful feedback on the app or stories of how you got through it all to the other side, or if you are only just beginning to understand whether your DCs behaviour is healthy/’normal’ or they are struggling, MyFampal want to hear your thoughts.

Everyone who posts below will be entered into a prize draw where one Mumsnetter will win a £300 voucher of their choice (from a list).

Thank you and good luck!

MNHQ

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always communicate best method to deal with problems

I've always spent lots of time with my son and from a very early age we talked about everything and anything. There have been difficult patches where we have clashed but we've always talked and when he has had any problems he has been quite open discussing them with me. It feels like a good solid relationship that can take on any issues, and has done!

My DS has been diagnosed with ADHD, Oppositional Defiance Disorder and is on the Autistic Spectrum. Behavioural problems are par for the course, we had limited input from outside agencies in how to deal with his problems, so have learned by trial and error.
If he his having a major tantrum/meltdown we have learned it is best to leave him to calm down before trying to address the issue, otherwise he gets physically violent. Once he has calmed down we encourage him to talk about what is troubling him, he rarely gives an answer though. It is quite upsetting seeing him distressed, I wish he was able to open up more to us about his feelings.

My son is on the autistic spectrum.
We have had lots of support over the years.
Which has reduced the meltdowns.
Its still challenging times but we take each day at a time.I find if we can keep him occupied doing the things he loves such as football,playing games and being out and about.He seems to be a lot calmer and happier soul

Dont shout, keep calm and talk to them at their level

If either of our children were 'Grumpy' we held a 'Family Meeting' to discuss the problems around the kitchen table. We had pen and notepaper and a drink each. We found things were soon resolved (we even had a family vote on some things!)

I have a difficult and defiant behaviour from my child. My advice would be don’t assume kids know what is expected of them, spell it out, if my child is unsure of what they are supposed to be doing,they’re more likely to misbehave so set them off on the correct path to begin with. Works for meals, bed time , toy sharing etc.

My DD is 6 and is very sensitive emotionally. She has abundance of empathy which can overburden her sometimes. The only thing that works is talking and talking some more. She feels a weight lifted once we talk it through and I can offer different perspectives to every situation.

One of the kids has autism and he melts down a lot. Took authorities 5 years to diagnose him with autism (now 7) - so we are struggling to know how to deal with things at the moment.

Waiting for an appointment with CAMH services a the moment for my son. He has anxiety issues regarding being alone in a room or going to a room by himself. One of those things that most children grow out of but he never did. Doesn't sound much but he can't go to the toilet by himself or be left to watch the tv while I do housework, make dinner etc. Also has had toilet issues at school, but they had to implement a buddy system him.
Although scared of the dark, this happens during the day, at relatives, even won't go into the back garden by himself.
Not sure how an app can help with this!

I let my child have time to themselves and we talk about anything which is bothering them

DD has been diagnosed with anxiety. Her health worker has recommended mindfulness apps etc. We also chat regularly about things that are worrying or upsetting her and trying to find a way to overcome it. At school she's also been assigned an assistant to help her out whenever she feels anxious at school which has really helped her settle into secondary school.

My baby/little boy suffered with separation anxiety.
He would never leave my side, even as a baby he'd become inconsolable as soon as he was put down or passed to his father. The only way to stop the crying was for me to hold him. This made every-day tasks incredibly difficult, even with the aid of a baby wrap.

The advice then was to force him to have time away from me, we tried this, but this made matters worse, instead of waking 3/4 times a night he'd start waking ever 30mins or so with night terrors. Instead of just needing to be at my side he wanted to be held constantly.
Eventually I decided to go against advice and listen to what my baby wanted, instead of trying to put him down I gave in to holding him and cuddling him for as long as he needed, nights were spent with him sleeping on me or next to me on the floor. And in his own time, given as much love and cuddles as he wanted he improved.

He's started pre-school now, I was really worried about how he'd manage, but he's done very well and made me incredible proud of him.
Just proves that sometimes baby really does know whats best - and you never can give too many cuddles.

I have not had to deal with any behavioural / mental health issues with my children. (Thank goodness)

I have not had to deal with any behavioural / mental health issues with either of my children. (Thank goodness)

I feel that kids are being labelled too fast these days when a lot of it is just kids acting like kids. But also I think that being open and honest with your kids hopefully encourages them to be the same with no subject being taboo or uncomfortable. Also recognising the warning signs are so very important, when my DS was getting really hung up on exams and his behaviour went erratic, patience and watching every sign for something deeper were needed, in the end a trip to the doctor was needed without my ds to talk over my concerns, then the Doctor saw him alone and that gave my DS confidence that his fears were being taken seriously and that in itself helped.

My DD can suffer from a bit of anxiety. I try to always listen to her fears and not belittle them while at the same time offering reassurance.
I've suffered from anxiety myself and I know that no matter how silly her fears are being told to just do it and get over it is not going to help her over come her fears.

I suffer from anxiety at times and feel its worsened after having my children. I never show my anxiety when around my children and hope that they become confident and don't suffer like I do. I try to make sure I make an extra effort to praise, reassure and reward them. I give them as much independence as I can (according to age) and try to offer them the best advice possible.

My little one headbangs and hes 2 its awful, The health Vistors said he wont hurt himself but he does. Its heartbreaking. I dont deal with it very well and get quite upsett when he goes to bed but when hes doing it i put cushions down for him so he dosnt hurt himself but he always trys to fine hard surfaces to do it on. Anyone elses child do this? x

Starting on communication early on and sticking at it even when they try to close up, it's much easier for them to talk if they are used to it and it's not treated as being a big deal

I use the time out step with my DD. It is new to us but she seems to be responding well. We also talk through and reiterate lessons we have learnt a lot to try and improve behaviour.

My son had ADHD when he was little and also has Aspergers. It has been very challenging, but I learnt that it helped to avoid stressful situations as much as possible, for example, only going shopping when I could go on my own; avoid noisy places which disturbed him etc. And also, to stay calm, because if I stayed calm it helped him to calm down, whereas if I didn't it always escalated the situation.

I'm struggling more with my daughters attitude now than ever before, she's nearly 7. She has a lot of tantrums, and when I tell her to do something like tidy up her toys, I always get "in a minute" or "when i've finished this". I'm trying to combat this by limiting her time with her tablet and toys. It's starting to work but she still has her moments!

My 6 year old daughter has special needs ( Cerebral palsy and non verbal) because of her condition she easily gets frustrated and scream , shout a lot.
I give deep pressure on her arms and legs,
She wears head phone and sunglasses to minimise sound and lights,
Most of the time I played her favourite programme on her iPad to calm her down as its the only option we are having because of her limited mobility.

I have a son with ADHD, ODD and attachment disorder.
These can make life very tough! I know something was 'off' from a very early point, my son was only around 1 year old.
For the next 6 years (not a typo, it really was 6 years) we were in and out of paediatricians offices, CAMHS specialists, therapists etc and I had to fight to get my son the help he needs.
Originally my son attended mainstream schools but now attends a specialised school. With the diagnosis, it's ment to be easier to understand. It's not. All children are different and my son is a very complex child.
Boundaries are the only way we manage. Sometimes my son respects them, occasionally he doesn't. We have to stay firm.
This became more important when my younger 2 children came along. We have to show them that it's not 'ok' to copy their brother whilst making sure everyone is treated fairly- that is hard!!
Bad behaviour, tantrums etc, we deal with it as it happens. We try to ignore anything minor and tell them they won't get what they want if they act/talk like that.
Positives have to be acknowledged!! Never focus on the bad, it can be very hard to not let these fester and to be upset but it does have to be let go. Positive praise is what most children thrive on and the smile my boys have then is worth a million pounds!!
After all those years, we are now back on our own. There is no support from the 'professionals'. They simply said they didn't know what else to do with my son as he was 'too complex'. Not helpful!
We have regular medication for him but other than that, we're going it alone....