Share your stories with MyFampal of how you deal with behavioural/mental health issues with your DCs – £300 voucher to be won NOW CLOSED

[EmmaMumsnet]

To coincide with the launch of the MyFampal new app called MyFampal Parent, they have asked us to find out how you deal with behavioural and mental health issues with your children - whatever their age. The new app is designed to help parents to check, monitor and help take control of their family’s emotional wellbeing - by enabling families to identify, monitor and pre-empt issues before they take root.

Here’s what the team at MyFampal have to say: “Whether their children’s behaviour is considered ‘normal’ or healthy is a concern for all parents. Behavioural, emotional and mental health issues affect many families and vary hugely in form, often making them difficult to spot. It’s difficult to know for sure whether children are just going through a rough patch or struggling with something more concerning. MyFampal Parent is an easy-to-use app that helps you monitor how well your family functions as a unit and then lets you compare your results against others. In the same way that we take exercise and manage what we eat to maintain fitness, MyFampal Parent is here to help you with your families’ emotional wellbeing. Do download the app, try it for yourselves, and let us know what you think.”

MyFampal would love to hear your views on their App, but also how you have dealt with any potential behavioral, emotional or mental health issues your children have struggled with. At what age or development stage caused you the most concern? Do you have
an approach or method that allowed you to remember the key issues as they happen and keep dialogue open with your children so that they can communicate their emotions to you? Or do you have any techniques for how best to handle continued behavioural issues?

Please share your stories below of how you discovered and got through any tough times with your children - from toddlers to teens or even older adult children. Whether you have helpful feedback on the app or stories of how you got through it all to the other side, or if you are only just beginning to understand whether your DCs behaviour is healthy/’normal’ or they are struggling, MyFampal want to hear your thoughts.

Everyone who posts below will be entered into a prize draw where one Mumsnetter will win a £300 voucher of their choice (from a list).

Thank you and good luck!

MNHQ

Standard Insight T&Cs apply

We talk a lot, but also model facing our fears, finding things hard, dealing with failure etc

Keep calm. I can't usually do this. It is quite easy to get caught in a spiral of negative attention.

Each age brings a new challenge. Toddlerdom brought tantrums galore, school age there is testing boundaries, I am now dealing with tweenage attitude, and I haven't even met the teenage years yet.

I think my parenting style needs to evolve to go with their growth, which is coming as a shock to me.

With my son it has always been important after a confrontation to wait until he is very calm and then talk through what happened. He finds it hard to analyse situations and it helps to avoid further upset.

We were struggling with DD'S behaviour when age was about 2 and half. A sticker chart worked wonders. Unfortunately it doesn't always still work now she's 4

My ds developed an eating disorder when other children in the dining hall at his primary school put cheese sticks up their nose. It made him have an abnormal fear of eating in front of other people and he had to eat seperately from the rest of the school. He was gagging near food and the thought of eating made him feel ill. I referred him to a specialist who talked it through with him and gave him coping strategies. He is now a changed boy. Eating has become a pleasure again and he is not anxious about it either. I'm so pleased he got through this difficult phase in his life.

I think if you have concerns about your child's mental health, or serious behaviour issues, your GP should be your first port of call.

Day to to concerns/behaviour issues can be dealt with through positive parenting, openness, routines and boundaries, but there are times when only professional help will do.

It's hard to get the help though, especially with all of the recent cuts to services. You have to be incredibly persistent and get as many people on board as possible (I'm sure they just hope people will give up).

My DD is adopted so I'm on alert for behavioural issues. There's no such thing as post-adoption support really - they're pretty useless so it's down to me to research and do what I need to do to help her through stages of behaviour.

She needs time to talk through whatever is going through her mind and unlimited love, hugs and reassurance.

She's still going but who knows what's on the horizon. We take every day at a time.

Dd1 has quite an angry side which normally flares when she's tired so normal discipline methods don't work (as she's not rationally thinking at these times), best way I've found is to not engage or to physically remove her (if she's hurting others). Hoping that she will grow out of it as currently she's a slim 4 year old and picking her up is difficult enough when she's flailing!

An app to "help you take control of your family's wellbeing....monitor how well your family functions...and lets you compare your results against others"

Just no.

My son doesn't have any diagnosed issues but he does get very anxious about going to breakfast club in the mornings, even though he has a good time there. He will cry in the car. Yet I'm assured he's fine. When I get there (afterschool club in same place), he's fine!

So I mostly encourage him to talk to me. I tell him I love him a lot. I listen to his concerns. I did speak to the GP who wasn't massively helpful but said this happened to a lot of kids. Hoping it will ease up over time.

Always be there for them and encourage them to make sure they tell you when they are struggling.

Coming from a united front and following through has always worked for us. My son knew not to play us off each other and knew what the consequences were of bad behaviour. I believe we were always fair and would give a warning before any action.

My son has ASD the only way we have coped is to put clear boundaries in place, and not give in to his demands too often. The best piece of advice is to think about does it really matter? Fight for what does matter and let the little things go!

We are currently in the process of getting our 14 year old son diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. He has severe mood swings, and has issues with food and socialising, we have to take take each day at a time and deal with any issues as they arise. We let him dictate the day, we know not to take him out for dinner, we ask if he wants to come out with us and if he doesn't that's fine. I don't push things, don't get stressed just support his needs x

DD 13 started with minor anxiety around germs about 3 years ago this escalated to full blown OCD to the point where it was getting difficult to get out of the house. Has been under CAMHS for about 18 months now and is currently being assessed for ASD as CBT had little effect.
The hardest part has been the wait for the first CAMHS appointment I think we waited about 3 months for the first appt then 8 weeks before CBT could start (I realise we were lucky as some wait a lot longer) DD has been seeing them at least every 4 weeks and I find the wait between appointments very hard particularly when DD was really struggling.
I had 2 lots of counselling which helped me feel more positive and family / friends have listened but don't think they really understood how hard things were.
I've found Internet forums particularly Mumsnet and Facebook groups the most help. The app would provide an extra layer of support I suppose as the more information the better. If it encourages some to seek help sooner it will be worthwhile.

My DC is getting better with age but at times I find it hard to get the discipline right, especially when she is overtired. I tend to say 'I'll tell dad if you do this' and that usually works

My eldest has autism, and I am often 'tutted' at because of his behaviour, however I find the give him as much information beforehand as to where we are going, what he might expect to see, what smells, noise he may encounter have helped a great deal, and the outbursts both verbal and physical have diminished greatly. Always make sure they have been to the loo, and had a snack and something to eat, and do not show you are nervous as this puts more pressure on the situation.

Patience patience and more patience - and listening to them when they want to talk.

my 14 year old son has ADHD and anxiety issues, and has always tried to stay up as late as possible as he doesnt want to go to sleep. we give me loads of reassurance and help him to feel as secure as possible, by encouraging him, praising him, he also goes to counselling. Importantly we tried to spend quality time with him and this goes a long way.

Asking for subscription charges from people that are struggling?
Nice

I wouldn't share personal details like this online.

There is lot's of different advice out there for different age groups of children.My son has 9 different neurological conditions and I have struggled with various different behaviours with him over the years.The best thing that worked for my son is me attending parenting groups where I meet with other parents to support each other and swap advice.I have always contacted my son's mental health professionals or dr when I have been really struggling and they sign posted me to other vital age appropriate advice services and support groups.
There were days when my son's behaviours were that challenging and they were very dark days if i'm being honest.My son developed depression and at some points he was suicidal so we got used to dealing with dr's and mental health professionals.
Don't struggle alone with your child's behaviour or mental health and if a parenting course is suggested to you don't feel like you are not a good parent because it has been suggested for you to do a parenting course.I joined attended some great courses on parenting and joined some parenting support groups which have really helped me to cope with my son's behaviours.One other good thing I learned that is important is to look after yourself so you can be strong enough to deal with looking after your child.

I found with my 3 yr old that instead of using the naughty step for constant destructive behavior and constant tantrums telling him to meditate to peaceful music whilst thinking on his behavior worked much better to calm him down.
The naughty step only seemed to make the problem worse and ive had much better results with this method.

I clicked on the website to read about this app. The blurb looked like lot of nonsense without actually telling me anything about the app and how it works. And I do not want to register. I cannot see of what benefit this could be to us mums, and all our DCs are persons, individuals, why do they need to be compared or defined?

The only MH issues I've had to deal with for DD1 is trying to explain to her the dynamics of cliques at her Primary school. She likes to be friends with everyone and is not rude but some of her friends are selective and try to put pressure on her to choose i.e. them/her or us... We are getting there and she is being true to her own feelings.