Funnily enough, there's so much in guineapig post ^^ that I can really relate to: full time high pressured job for both dps, life just about made manageable by family support...that feels very familiar. In addition to family support, we are very dependent on our aupair to cover school drop off and collection, which is sometimes a whole other area of worry - especially since I also feel very responsible for these lovely teenagers who come to live with us for a year.
With 3 dcs under 11, I'm daily grateful that my youngest is now 5 and no longer a baby. It isn't great, but it's much less of a tragedy when I don't manage to leave work before 7pm and (with over an hours commute) have to phone home on my way to the station to apologise. At least these days all 3 dcs can chat properly on the phone, and, more importantly, even dd2 is still (just about) awake for a kiss and a cuddle when I get home.
Still, the days where I leave before they wake and come home after they're asleep, especially when I have to leave early again the next day....well, they aren't great.
On the plus side, I've slowly learnt that the only way I will achieve balance is to make it happen. Working longer hours is sometimes a necessity, but it's not the only way to manage things. So I've started to work from home once a week, for example. I don't ever often manage to do the school run on those days, and sometimes I'm still working past 7 pm, but (and it's a big one) then I get to spend over an hour at bedtime with the dcs. And I don't have to deal with the tube in rush hour!
I'm also the batch cooking queen. Dh bought me some lovely new super size catering pans a few years back, and now I can knock out up to 20 portions of bolognaise, minestrone etc. And I have 3 freezers, so there's always space (& always something scary and forgotten lurking at the back....
)
Dh is an equal partner in all of this. He's just as likely to be making bread at 1am as me (in the breadmaker - I'm not superwoman!) and he's hugely supportive of me in every way (as I am of him). As the dcs get older, we are also back to managing more time together - theatre, gigs, dinner - the stuff that gets shelved for a bit when the dcs are young - and that's been great for us.
The best moments are when the dcs talk proudly to their friends about both our careers (they're at a school where 90% of mothers don't work). The worst bit is when they talk about how I missed something at school, or how nice it is when their friends mothers are around.
The best advice I've been given is that guilt is ultimately a total waste of energy: no one is perfect, so there's no point in thinking your dcs would be happier/more popular/cleverer/whatever if you were a SAHM. They might equally hate spending that much time with me at home. So I try hard to focus on being the best I can be at the things I am (best boss, best mum, best wife, best friend, sister, daughter, employee, team-mate) and accept that I will make mistakes - the important thing is to try to learn from them, grow and develop to become a better person.
The main thing is to recognise that life is always a work in progress, for everyone...no one has all the answers, however smug they seem and however much they think they might, so the best you can do is the best you are able for the people that you love.
Oh crikey....do I sound like a total tree-hugging hippy now?! Ah well, that's how I see it 