MN Bumpfest: How did you feel about giving birth? Tell MNHQ for a chance to win £50 voucher! NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run-up to Bumpfest - our event for first-time mums (or second/third/fourth-timers in need of a refresher) - we thought we’d try to find out about how labour was for you.

Giving birth can be an extremely unpredictable affair, and as a result it’s shrouded in myth and mystery. If you’re soon to be doing it for the first time, trying to get a sense of what to expect can be nigh-on impossible - which is why we’d like to hear the truth of the matter, directly from the front line. How did you really feel, when you were in labour - and was the experience, for you, an empowering or disempowering one? Did you feel you were involved in the decisions made by the midwives and doctors? If not, was this because medial priorities took over - or did you feel you were unnecessarily kept out of the loop? Did your birth partner act as your advocate throughout the process - or did you do it all yourself? In short: how was it for you?

Thanks in advance - we hope it’ll help those about to go through it themselves to have a realistic picture of what to expect. Everyone who adds their thoughts to this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

MNHQ

P.S. If you'd like to find out more about Bumpfest, please click here.

Ooh just seen that my experiences were bizarrely similar to the post immediately before my one! Spooky!

I had a long labour 31 hours, had an epidural after 24 hours. The pushing stage was half an hour with no tearing (only relevant because it was something I was scared of and might have affected my feelings about the labour)

During labour I remember a lot of pain but I felt really supported by my DH and all the midwives, I also felt very focused, the world just shrunk to me my husband and the view out the window?! and time just flew by it was always hours later than I thought it was (One of my requests was to not be able to see a clock during labour)

Afterwards I felt amazing I still do when I think back to it (I'm not talking about the pain and the mess and the craziness of breastfeeding) but just a real sense of achievement and accomplishment in myself and my body and the fact I got though it, and love I felt a whole lot of love for my new family. FWIW I'm not an earth mother I didn't visualize or whatnot It was without doubt a painful messy experience but that's not what I feel when I look back at it.

While pregnant I kind of thought of the labour/hospital bit like the the travelling to go on holiday. The airport bit, not something to look forward to but a necessary evil to get to the good bit. So the best thing to do is try and make it as an enjoyable experience as possible. (Although obviously wine and duty free shopping not directly comparable to gas and air and contractions!)

The reality was quite different of course!

My waters broke at 37+3, so a bit of a surprise, in fact I'd only packed my hospital bag that day, and everything went pretty quickly after that.
While on the observation ward I got in the bath when 3cm dilated, by the next time I was examined, while still in the bath I was fully dilated and there was a mad rush to get me out the bath and into the delivery room.
They think I'd actually been in active labour for some time (I had been in the bath about 2 hours) but I had mistaken my urge to push for needing a poo so didn't say anything! (And didn't push either)
I wanted a water birth so the pool was ran but by the time I got in it my contractions had died down and I needed to go on a drip of syntocinon (sp?) to get them going again so had to get out.
DS then got stuck as I just wasn't getting the pushing urge again and his heart rate was going down with each contraction.
So, in comes the doctor and recommends a ventouse delivery. But the midwives had other ideas, so while the doctor was going to get the equipment they got me pushing with everything I had, and by the time the doctor came back I had managed to deliver DS without intervention!

I have to say the midwives were fantastic. It was actually a student who delivered DS, but she was at the very end of her training and due to qualify the following week. There were a couple of times that the overseeing midwife did need to step in (and sometimes a few words between the 2 of them on the best course of action) but overall I couldn't fault them.

No one can ever prepare you for the pain, I think I had kind of romanticised expectations before hand, but it is like nothing else on earth. I vowed there and then that if I did it again it'd be by c section (midwives made very disapproving noises at that comment!) but now, 8 weeks later and it just the memory of it being painful, not the actual pain that I remember (if that makes sense?) and I would do it again.

I guess I am quite lucky it could have been much worse

I was the full 2 weeks overdue (that 2 weeks was the most frustrating time ever - my own impatience to meet little'un coupled with constant texts/calls asking if there was any news yet..ARGH!

Anyway, I was induced and went into labour that evening at home. Went back into hospital in the morning and was 7cm dilated :o so went through to labour ward. The most annoying thing for me was instantly, the (newly qualified) midwife wanted me to lie down so she could put the monitors on.. I was in no state to object, but I'd spent the whole time prior upright. Labour then slowed right down and took another 10 hours for baby to appear and he had to be kiwi-ed out. In hindsight, I am convinced that had I have remained upright, bubs would have arrived much earlier and easier - I should have insisted on it, but I wasn't really in a state to argue. Still alls well that ends well.

I had planned a water birth using just gas & air. I had also prepared using natal hypnotherapy to help deal with the pain. My plans went completely to pot though when my waters broke and my labour didn't advance quickly enough so I had to be induced. I ended up stuck on the bed with a drip and various machines that go ping attached and worked my way through the full cocktail of drugs; gas & air, diamorphine and epidural. Eventually my baby girl was born with the assistance of an episiotomy and forceps!

It sounds quite traumatic but actually I remained quite calm throughout. I think the natal hypnotherapy really helped. Even though it wasn't the birth I had planned I knew myself and my baby were in safe hands.

I found childbirth a very traumatising experience.

I went into natural labour at 40+3. I later found out the hospital where I gave birth was over full that day. I rang them repeatedly in the night to tell them I was in labour, but they never picked up the phone. They discouraged me from coming in until I was well progressed, 8.5cm dilated when first examined. I think that was a bit late to get proper pain relief, as I wasted energy screaming at home which I later didn't have for pushing. On the other hand, my home turned out to be better equipped for labour than the cupboard-like hospital room, eg. it had chairs and readily available drinking water.

I was attended by a student midwife, and I think her lack of experience impeded my care. Although a supervisor popped in occasionally, in retrospect the student and I were hampered by a lot of poor communication. We both got angry with each other a lot. My labour wasn't textbook: instead of painful contractions interspersed with gentler times, the pain was constant and I couldn't tell when the contractions happened. I kept telling the MW this but she wouldn't believe me, and in 2nd stage labour just kept telling me to push only during the contractions, without helping me identify when they were.

I put on my birth plan that I wanted to try and deliver on just gas & air, but that if I struggled too much I wanted to upgrade to stronger pain relief. I think it would have been warranted, but I was in too much pain to think of asking for it and the MW never proactively offered it, which I think she should have. I tried my hardest to push DD out but I was too tired and I couldn't, so in the end I needed forceps. They organised that efficiently. DD was over 9lb so maybe I'd have needed it anyway, but I feel I'd have had a better chance if I'd had more pain relief earlier.

DH was fabulously supportive throughout labour. Postatally they kicked him out overnight, which I consider unfair as DD and I still really needed him. I was also made to share a ward with other babies who cried all night, which made me wake up worrying it was DD even though actually she was pretty quiet. However, if I hadn't needed forceps the hospital would have given me a private room and let DH stay; that seems the wrong way round to me.

DD1: I was young and not very well informed so basically did what I was advised. In retrospect, they should have encouraged me to move around a lot more.

With DD2 I was very active during labour and it made a world of difference.

I think I could have remembered my first labour as being horrible. The pain and exhaustion of the last two hours, everyone shouting at me to push when I had no urge at all to, being made to feel like I wasn't trying hard enough; I felt completely helpless, hopeless and like I just wanted someone to take the problem away from me. When my perfect beautiful DS finally arrived I was euphoric of course, but slightly ashamed of how weak and pathetic I must have seemed. I remember turning to DH and commenting wryly that it hadn't been my finest hour. He said immediately and wonderfully, 'I think it was.' And that made it all completely fine, strangely, I felt empowered in retrospect. I didn't even feel annoyed with the midwife for making me feel bad: she was only worried about my DS' welfare (there had been meconium in my waters and he was getting stressed.) That's why a good DH is worth his weight in gold (unmade beds, unwashed dishes and wet towels on the bed notwithstanding.)
Sorry long and slightly formulating post

Corny not formulating! [bloody auto-correct]

I was really overwhelmed the first time and felt it was happening to me without me being an active participant.

I had a traumatic first birth with failure to progress after 17 hours of labour. I ended up with an emcs which of course had never been the plan.

I think my husband and I learned from the first experience and we were much more vocal the second time round.

Unfortunately I still ended up with an emcs but I felt much more in control of what was happening.

I felt strangely calm and lucid throughout, but what I remember most is an altered sense of reality.

Nothing else mattered - or even existed - but the rhythm of straightening up when I felt a contraction coming on, sucking in g&a, pushing throughout the contraction, then gradually going limp as the contraction eased off. Mind you, my pushing stage lasted 2.5 hours, and the room in the birth centre went from bright sunshine to dim lamplight in the meantime, so the world felt a million miles away.

I was listening and could understand everything but speaking was far too much effort. I could get out terse, cave-woman commands when I had to, though. Once, the birthing pool needed more hot water, so I managed to say "more hot water" and pointed. My DP then commented that it seemed pretty hot to him already. A long reply went through my head along the lines of "oh for heaven's sake, I'm the one wet in here so I should know when it's getting cold. You think it feels hot because you're fully dressed and hardly feel the cold anyway..." It was such extra effort to get out the words "Cold, need hot water"

I was terrified. I was in slow labour for almost 3 days. Lots of stopping and starting and pretty much no sleep from pain. Then I went in to be induced and they said I was already in labour but not far enough, so sent me home for a few hours. I came back and got put on a hormone drip to push everything along. I was then having intense continuous contractions for almost 20 hours. I had a shot of pethadin and a lot of gas and air. I then wanted a epidural. We went through about an hour of discussion and preparing me and when I sat up to have the epidural done IT.WAS.TIME! At this point it took 30 minutes of pushing and she was here! :) She cried for 2 seconds and then it was almost as if she was looking around the room and we cuddled. Childbirth for me (I'm not going to sugarcoat it) was horrific. My daughter is my only child and no one can prepare you for the pain and terror you feel and I'm sure a lot of woman will read my story and go 'pffft, that was nothing ..wuss' but for me...it was major! The split second she was born though it all melted away. It was almost like I had instant amnesia of what I was experiencing only minutes earlier. It was the worst and best experience of my life and for the end result I would do it 20 times over!

An awful but at the same time lovely experience.
First time I felt under so much pressure to do everything the right way in everyone elses eyes,ended up getting the cut & forceps - horrible horrible.
Second time I thought just get on with it don't make a plan just go with the flow,felt in control this time managing but then babys heart rate kept dropping so had to get an emergency c section but I was awake and although it wasn't what and how I would of chosen to go through it was much better than I had been told and feel I have recovered from that better than the first birth.

did not go in with fixed expectations of how it would go so no stress over upset plans.

also had pethadine and epidural and gas and air in vast quantities so can not remember very much of the first birth and labour. It was very quick when it got going. it was very slow to get goingwith days of false alarms and small contractions. they said nothing was happening at first when I ws in hospital. was walking around the antenatal ward and coming back to the bed to be sick with the pethadine... then walking around... by the time they were able to examine me (had to fetch the gas and air trolley as it was painful) I was already 5 cm dilated and I was wheeled down to the labour ward. two more hours to fully dilated and then an hour until dd was born by forceps.

ds was also quite quick. not so painless though. again was on the ward overnight as I had started but not making alot of progress and then at about 12 am the lady in the bed opposite and I were taking turns to have contractions. I also got a massive series of contractions that ran back to back with no break. they monitored ds and he was in distress so down to labour ward we are sent (shuffle shuffle lean on the wall and breathe breathe) ds was monitored on the labour ward.

had an epidural again. not quite pain free... it was wearing off when they stitched me up but not so bad that it hurt badly.

I do rememeber that again the room was full of two obstetricians and two midwives. one obstetrician said it was always the red-heads that gave trouble. Her being a red head too it was allowed!

My labour was good overall but let down by having the hospital we were due to deliver at close and a third degree tear.

I had a very long early labour of 9-10 days. My waters broke at midnight and this was confirmed by the hospital at 2am. I wasn't examined and sent home to labour there as low risk.

The contractions faded and I had some sleep. Contractions began again at lunchtime with a walk to the shop for supplies.

I then laboured at home until the contractions were 1 in 5. I called our hospital to be told it had closed. I called the other hospital who informed me that I sounded fine and to call back in an hour. At this point I started to get some bleeding and the labour that had been fine on a pain scale got a little urgent so I called back and was on the road to the hospital within half an hour or so.

The journey took the most of an hour in rush hour. I arrived at hospital at 6pm in agony begging for pain relief. I was 7cm dilated and examined in the room I delivered in - I think it was obvious I was having a fast active stage. I had some gas and air which seemed to do nothing. I was progressing very quickly and by the time DH arrived with the bags from the car I was about to start pushing. DS was born at 7.15pm, just after a shift change with an absolutely packed room

Being examined after the birth to determine whether my tear was a 2nd or 3rd degree was absolutely excrutiating but the midwife was lovely and very apologetic.

I finally got to hold my baby after theatre as I was in shock and shaking too much after the birth. I had a stay of two nights in hospital as they were too busy to get round and discharge me after the first night.

Generally I feel like it went well, it was fast and the aftercare was good but everywhere was stretched to it's limits and extremely busy. More staff were needed.

I had an amazing first water birth, 8 hours start to finish. I did Hypnobirthing and it worked really well for me though I recognise and always say there was a fair bit of luck around as baby was facing the right way and nothing untoward happened. I was calm and relaxed and the Midwives really respected my Hypnobirthing and birth plan (though then as it was 7 and a half years ago it was hardly known). I couldn't fault my first or second birth (second very fast, home, Hypnobirth). I know I am in a minority but particularly my first birth went exactly as I wished it to. I really recommend Hypnobirthing to all mums to be. Even if you can't afford the full course, a book and listening to a Hypnosis CD everyday will take you far. x

I dreaded giving birth. I don't think I am a tokophobe, but just didn't want to do it. DC1 was a planned cs due to being breech (phew) but turned at the last minute, and they induced her. Labour was fine, as I had an epidural and snoozed/read. But then they realised she was too big >>> EMCS. relief.

Despite my misgivings I felt empowered, due to the epidural. I was able to join in conversations, and when they offered me the choice of squeezing her out with help, or an emcs, I chose the latter.

With DC2 I was giventhe choice between a vbac and elcs. I had a lovely elcs.

I am abroad though. Things are different here.

I didn't find it empowering at all! This is largely due to medical necessity taking over (ventouse and episiotomy in the end)
I did not expect my waters to break before any contractions, that caught me by surprise and felt like the only thing I hadn't considered (although I'm sure however it started I'd have been in momentary shock to be honest!)
It was then 36 hours of verrrry slow dilation until he was delivered.
I was an exhausted wreck and I lost a lot of blood which made his worse. Not could I sit, or move actually, due to cut. All in all the hospital and all staff were fab.

I have 1 ds and my labour lasted 3 days with him. My pregnancy was awful so i was very nervous about my labour I was also told that he was breech so I worried about that as well, luckily he turned himself around just in time. I found labout brilliant, you might find it strange but it was the best experience ever. I was terrified and there were some complications but even through that it was still the best experience in my life. I did cheat after 2days of trying to be patient and calm and ignoring the discomfort that soon turned to full on backache 4hours before i delivered i asked for pethidine as i really wasn't doing too well with the pain. I decided unless it was a dire emergency i was not having an epidural as i wanted to have as natural experience as possible but i did cave at the end with the pethidine. I loved giving birth even the painful parts, once the urge to push come the pain took a back seat and the only thought i had was to push. My mum through out my pregnancy warned me of labour and everyone had horror stories of unimaginable pain i was very nervous when the time came but in all honesty it was the best part of a very long 9months. The first day in hospital i was sent home after an over night stay as i had not dialated past 3cm, I stayed at home the 2nd night as i felt more comfortable being left alone to relax (playing playstation) than being poked and prodded in hospital and ended up back in the hospital around 5pm on the 3rd day at 7cm dialated. The midwives broke my water for me as it was taking so long. I have to say the sight of blood and fluid everywhere freaked me out but the midwives were great and really calm. Unfortunatly there were some complications as the midwives had me doing funny exercises to help turn the baby as he was face up (which worked) the cord wrapped around his neck. At this point things went down hill the midwives pretended not to panic which in turn made me panic and become angry because i was scared. He was born naturally i had some tearing and i had also been cut but luckily for me the numbed the area first so no pain :D Seconds after the final push i said to my mum "Oh I could do that again." LOL it really did not go over well she looked furious with me but then she had suffered me for 3 days and over 2hours of pushing so i forgave her. He was rushed away from us after delivery as he was not breathing and he was with the peadiatrician for around an hour. The only affect of this is he has a slight global delay and mild learning difficulties but even so he is a healthy and extremly funny normal boy. Staying in Hospital for 3 days after giving birth was the irritating part as i so desperatly wanted to go home and just be with my baby with no nurses and midwives popping in every hour to ask if i was ok or if my baby was ok. I get they are caring but it does start to become annoying when you want to be selfish and not share your beautiful new baby with anyone else.

Birth of my DS was shockingly quick and I felt traumatised. He only weighed 4lbs, wouldn't breastfeed and was too sleepy from low blood sugar. We were left on our own in the labour room for hours after. He needed the heated cot so we weren't moved to postnatal.
After a while the pediatrician came to check on him and told me off for not feeding him (constant trying but he wouldn't). I'll never forget how she wagged her finger in my face saying "this is serious, you must feed him x amount of formula every two hours".
Any joy I had from having him immediately turned to terror, and depression at being such a bad mother for not knowing he was getting ill.
I don't like thinking about his birth much.

My first labour was a bit of a surprise, I was 35 weeks pregnant and we were in the process of selling a house. We had already moved into the house we were buying and were clearing out our old house prior to completion that week.

DH had gone over to the old house to take delivery of a skip, and my DParents and I were going to meet him there to clean up.

I got up felt really bad, it felt like a dodgy tummy, back ache, feeling sick and having the runs all at once. At that stage my mucus plug came away. I couldn't leave the bathroom, so called my Mum, would came over asked me what on earth I had been eating as she thought I had given myself food poisoning.

But while telling me off for eating something bad, she called the midwife to ask for advise, we were told to come in so I could be checked out.

In the car on the way to the hospital while looking at the clock in the car, I realised that my backache was coming in 5 minute waves of pain.

I was checked out by the midwives (still no one thought I was in labour) and found that I was three cm dilated, so straight to the delivery ward and called DH to join us (it took him over an hour to get there and he came with a carrier bag full of crisps, sandwiches and drinks for him to consume while waiting for the baby).

I still didn't have any contractions, just back ache which got more and more intense, I couldn't figure out how to work the gas and air, so had a shot of pethadine, which made me very woozy.

The labour was short, DS was out in 4 hours and only 2 pushes. As he was so small the midwives insisted that be was given a bottle of formula straight away in the delivery room, and as I was still woozy, DH held him.

I was cut for him to come out, and I still don't know why as I didn't have a long pushing phase, it was weird, it just all happened so fast and I really wasn't with it. They just said it was better to be cut than to tear (but in my subsequent labours, this didn't happen).

Anyway DS was perfect, small but perfect and he was allowed to stay with me on the post natal ward, I had had a few scares during the pregnancy and had been given the steroid injections a few weeks earlier, and in hindsight this was very fortunate.

It took 3 days for them to release us from the hospital, as I have a rare blood clotting disorder and maternity wanted the haematologists to sign me off and that took a while, then two weeks later I had a secondary PPH, but that is a whole different story.

Birth 1: Planned home birth. Yes it was painful. But my overwhelming memories are of how empowering and powerful the experience was. Half an hour after the birth I said "I could do that again". Midwife was cool as a cucumber, experienced. Reassuring. Gave me confidence. I think she enjoyed being there. Partner was there but not needed I'm smiling at the memory.

Birth 2: Induced at +14 days. Painful beyond belief. Like being tortured. Some staff were weary and indifferent. Partner was essential or I would have been alone for long periods, too much pain to move, being monitored and needing a drink. The process of being induced was like a factory. I don't believe in 'leaving dignity at the door' and didn't expect them to. But some had to be reminded about the basics. Grim. I was too exhausted and vulnerable to speak up for myself during one incident. I should have complained but I was just so relieved to get out safely I put it behind me.

Every birth is different - even for the same person.

1st labour, 2 weeks overdue, was due to be induced but "no room at the inn" till 24 hours later, then I went into labour anyway. It went on and on, couldn't tell when contractions started / ended, by chance called midwife for advice on something, she came round, found me 10cm dilated, ambulance blue lights to hospital - and was there another 8.5 hours till baby was born, having had episiotomy, the one thing I originally said I didn't want (was begging in the end!) and ventouse. 10lb 4oz baby, no wonder it wouldn't come out. They were so busy, midwives were coming and going throughout. I lost loads of blood, was laid flat, didn't get to hold baby at all. We were left on our own in the room, all blood spattered, for ages, didn't know if we were allowed/it was safe to pick baby up from plastic crib thing. Wheeled hastily to a ward - still both of us blood spattered, still didn't get to hold baby, which was then put out of my weak reach at side of bed. In a room for 4 but I was only one. Catheter then came out of my hand, blood spurting everywhere, I didn't know how to get help, but did get someone in end. More new mums came to the room every 2 hours thru the night, didn't sleep at all. Awful. Weeks later, it all came to a head, midwife came to visit with my hospital notes to read thru them to see if it helped. But lots of gaps, they'd been so busy, and only served to prove I'd not held the baby till the next day.
2nd labour - many issues, but by then my notes said about my bad experience & expressly stated that I MUST be allowed to hold my baby - which I was.

Before labour I said I wasn't scared at all, the only thing I didn't want was for it to be long. So I was in labour for four days!!
I was induced due to pre-eclampsia, and ds was born at 1am on the fourth day after they started the process.
Strangely it's only now that I'm beginning to realise that I was 'ill' with the pre-eclampsia. As soon as they said they would induce me I switched into 'i am having a baby' mode, and didn't even notice all the extra monitoring, blood pressure checks and drugs I was on, I just kept complaining that they wouldn't let me go home!
Labour felt like facing a bloody massive mountain, that seemed impossible to climb, but in the end it all (eventually!) went very smoothly and with the aid of an epidural I remember it as a calm, quiet and focused experience.

How did I feel about giving birth?

I felt like the unfortunate star of a snuff movie. Torture, pain, blood, couldn't breathe enough to scream. It was a nightmare. And when I woke up, I had a huge cut and many stitches that were soon to be infected.

Do I get the £50?

I got wise 2nd time around and had an easy peasy elective C-section. All better in two days, back to myself on Day 3. I felt very good about that birth indeed.