MN Bumpfest: How did you feel about giving birth? Tell MNHQ for a chance to win £50 voucher! NOW CLOSED

[MichelleMumsnet]

In the run-up to Bumpfest - our event for first-time mums (or second/third/fourth-timers in need of a refresher) - we thought we’d try to find out about how labour was for you.

Giving birth can be an extremely unpredictable affair, and as a result it’s shrouded in myth and mystery. If you’re soon to be doing it for the first time, trying to get a sense of what to expect can be nigh-on impossible - which is why we’d like to hear the truth of the matter, directly from the front line. How did you really feel, when you were in labour - and was the experience, for you, an empowering or disempowering one? Did you feel you were involved in the decisions made by the midwives and doctors? If not, was this because medial priorities took over - or did you feel you were unnecessarily kept out of the loop? Did your birth partner act as your advocate throughout the process - or did you do it all yourself? In short: how was it for you?

Thanks in advance - we hope it’ll help those about to go through it themselves to have a realistic picture of what to expect. Everyone who adds their thoughts to this thread will be entered into a prize draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

MNHQ

P.S. If you'd like to find out more about Bumpfest, please click here.

I was a week overdue, and woke up at 8 that morning to contractions lasting a minute, and four minutes apart. We rang the hospital mid morning, and the midwife grilled me about the contractions. She told me I couldn't be timing them right because I hadn't had one while we were talking. I had, but had gritted my teeth! She told me to stay at home as they "obviously aren't very painful"! Went to hospital early afternoon, and arrived as shifts were changing. I was put in a room and told to settle in. I was finally examined an hour later and found to be 8 cm dilated. The midwife said they had been planning to send me home as they hadn't believed I was in established labour. Obviously I wasn't sent home! By early evening I still hadn't dilated beyond 9.5cm so they decided to give me a drug to strengthen the contractions. That became agonising and I begged for an epidural, which was turned down on the basis that I was too close to giving birth. I still didn't dilate fully and finally got my epidural after another couple of hours. I think they realised I was heading for a section. By 11pm the baby was getting distressed, so an emergency section was carried out and my healthy baby girl was finally delivered.

Next baby was a planned section - consultant ordered a CT scan of my pelvis and decided the shape of my sacrum was to blame for the experience with my first. Very civilised - in at 8am, baby delivered just after 10am.

Next (id twins) were technically an emergency section, as I went into labour the day before my booked section. Reasonably civilised, but it seemed to take a lot longer to get on with it and I was more nervous than the previous time.

I didn't bother with a birth plan for any of the deliveries - I felt that you can't possibly plan these things and need to go with the flow. Turned out I was right!

DS1 I went into labour on my due date. I couldn't get comfy watching a film and kept switching between the sofa and my gym ball. DH started timing my moves as he'd noticed they were getting regular. I laughed it off when he said I was 'uncomfy' every 15 minutes. But at 10 minutes I started to feel bad period pains. I had to walk through them and rang in at five minutes apart. It started feeling like the worst trapped wind ever and I discovered I'm a mooer when in pain.

Went in at two minutes apart, was six cm dilated and I fell in love with gas and air. What shocked me was that I was pain free between contractions and veered between shouting motherf**r and asking DH if he'd fed the cat before we left.

I was too frightened of an epidural to accept it when offered at 9cm despite the pain (I swore a LOT). I felt totally in control even at that point and, as I could feel everything, I felt confident it was going well. The exhaustion overwhelmed me at transition, but the midwives and DH supported me through it. I pushed for ages but, just as an episiotomy kit was prepared DS came in one push. Thankfully my mum was on hand to refuse the stirrups on my behalf. I have a hip problem and can't use them.

The relief when DS emerged was indescribable and I felt euphoric. I felt myself tear but there was no pain, just relief.

DS then ruined skin to skin by peeing all over me...

DS2 (two and a half weeks ago) was an elective section as he was breech. However, the op was delayed and, five hours into the wait, my waters broke dramatically. It felt like a hard kick to my lady area with a popping sensation.

Contractions started painfully just minutes afterwards and came close together and I was rushed to theatre. I felt completely out of control and cried throughout the spinal and being prepared for the op. Not feeling the pain etc made me feel like it wasn't real and I hated it.

DS2 was big and a high breech, so a csection was the only safe option, but I'd take labour over a section any day.

We had to save our own baby in a hospitaL If one of us had not been medically qualified then our baby would have died. We got there just in time to save him 4 midwives and a doctor had not noticed the little one was not breathing This was despite a forceps delivery and the cord wrapped twice the babys neck . There were even 3 special care cots available but this was refused. He ended up being transferred elsewhere at huge cost . This story continues for 18 years if you pay us the £50

9 days before due date, urge to clean kitchen (still maintain this was because it needed cleaning!), DH returns from bike tide to find me sobbing in bed... Baby shower that afternoon, looking back some pain in afternoon but assumed it was Braxton hicks, backache in the evening, assumed that was from sitting on dining chair.
11pm, just drifting off to sleep when felt popping sensation, I ran to the bathroom just making it as waters broke. Off to birth centre but sent home as no contractions. Induction booked for 48 hours later, just in case! Got home, very poorly tummy. Spent some time on the loo, stomach pains every 10 mins but assuming this was from the dodgy tummy! Thought, I've had enough, I want some sleep. Stood up and blood on tissue, panicked, back to birth centre at about 1am. On the way, contractions (not stomach ache..) started coming every three minutes. Spent some time walking around waiting for pool to fill up then gas and air in the pool. Around 4am the midwife thought maybe she'd check to see how dilated I was to find I was 10cm! She'd never known anyone to talk through their contractions before!!! She did say it was an atypical labour. Had to get out if pool as after two hours if pushing DD still wasn't out, so gave birth on my side in the bed. Final pushes without gas and air. Had to have an episiotomy as would've torn every which way if not but was all explained to me. Waters breaking to birth 9 hours and two minutes!.
However, before this becomes the perfect birth story, placenta did not come out and was not coming out for anything. Time spent in birthing stool trying to push it out, consultant trying to get it out with just gas and air. Agony! So ended up with a spinal anyway.
Also meant an extended stay in hospital as my temp spiked and both me and DD had to have antibiotics. This was not fun although less to do with the staff and more to do with my emotional state.
In general, labour was fine, midwife was excellent. due to finish her shift at 8, but decide to stay with new midwife as she wanted to see it through (she'd been the one I'd seen when I first went in). I was lucky enough not to need intervention or have to make any very difficult decisions but everything that needed to was explained to me and I did feel involved in the decisions.
My advice would be - have an idea how you'd like your birth to be but be prepared it might not happen. Lucozade sport drinks!
And, pregnant women need to know, for some women, when their waters break, there is A LOT of water. And it doesn't stop. This came as a surprise to me!

First labour was a premature delivery. Was having mild contractions for a couple of days and was admitted as a precaution for monitoring. Waters broke on the second night and DC1 was born 6 hours later. Had a fabulous midwife with me for the full six hours who used aromatherapy oils on my back and hot towels to ease the pain. Also demonstrated to DH how and where to massage. Had gas and air but didn't get on with that particularly well. Birth therefore was very calm and controlled despite hordes of special care types filling the room towards the end of things and DC1 being whipped away in an incubator almost immediately. Strapping big boy now.

DC2 twelve days overdue and horrific back to back labour lasting nearly 24 hours with long pushing stage resulting in forceps delivery in theatre. Felt massively out of control and had to beg for pain relief. Didn't get any except until theatre except gas and air which again I was hopeless with.
Delivery area was understaffed and packed with labouring women, with different midwives coming and going. Lots of conflicting opinion on best course of action following unsuccessful pushing for 2.5 hours. One doctor overruled another eventually and transferred me to theatre for forceps delivery. By that stage I remember feeling that it would be better to die than to carry on with back to back pain (I'm normally the least dramatic person in the world and hate a fuss). .
Was given a spinal (again after a disagreement between two doctors). One said I needed to do it without pain relief to help with pushing during the forceps delivery. The other one stated that the midwife would alert me when to push and overruled. Got a spinal (I nearly kissed the anaesthetist) and DC2 finally born via forceps a bit bruised but otherwise fine. DH has since admitted that he found the experience awful and felt completely helpless.

Same hospital three years apart. Massively different experiences.

1st labour couldn't have been more textbook. I went into labour late at night the day before I was due, managed about 3 hours at home with a TENS machine then went into hospital. No VEs until about 3 hours later ( at my request) until I wanted to get in the pool and they were still thinking it might be early labour, I was 9cm. The pool was great, had a few minutes of really not coping at transition then second stage took about an hour, with G&A. DS delivered into the pool, on his due date. Small tear requiring stitches.
2nd labour started v suddenly, again on the eve of due date, had been twinge-y all day then contractions fast and furious from the off, very nearly didn't get to hospital in time, ds2 arrived at speed about 10 mins after we got there, few puffs of G&A was all there was time for. No syntocin given because they hadn't had time to do BP checks etc, had a major PPH due to retained placenta, all blurry from then on, room suddenly full of people, needed emergency surgery and a blood transfusion. DH felt this was all handled badly, he was left for hours holding our son with no idea if I was dead or alive.
3rd labour v similar to 2nd, DD decided to arrive 2 weeks early, had a show so got Grandma in for childcare, first contraction late at night, was in the car by contraction 2, labour 80 mins but was in hospital for 50 of those so felt more in control, G&A for pushing (about 5 mins) managed 3rd stage, v little bleeding.
Of the 3, I preferred my first birth. v fast labour might sound great but it was so intense from the off, no time for TENS to kick in, no time to adjust to what is happening. I felt completely steam rollered by it. Natal hypnotherapy helped enormously each time. Every time I've had a few contractions of really not coping at transition (and every time needed someone to tell me that's what it was) then felt able to cope again once pushing.

I felt very empowered and my choices respected at births 1 & 3, birth 3 consultant-led due to the problems in birth 2 but they were v good at working out a compromise birth plan. The aftermath of birth 2 was completely disempowering but it was an emergency situation so couldn't be helped. It did affect how I bonded with Ds2, especially as he was a very difficult baby.

I wanted to add that my waters didn't go until minutes before each baby was born, despite my perception that this would be the first thing to happen in labour.
Also that I was up and moving for all of first stage each time, and delivered kneeling. Being on my back for brief VEs ( only had 2 in all 3 labours) was bloody painful. I always shout at the telly during OBEM when they are shown on their backs screaming for an epidural and nobody suggests they try something different. I was concerned when I had baby 3 on delivery suite at Southmead (first 2 at MLU) that I'd be expected to do this and to have CFM but it was no problem to do whatever my body dictated.

#1 was horrible. Very boring, straightforward pregnancy.

Waters broke on my due date. Told to come in to be assessed. Got laughed at for bringing my bag/baby seat. Told I wasn't dilating and to go home for 24hrs. Spent 24hrs wandering around aimlessly having random contractions (no sleep). Went back. Only about 2cm and put on an antibiotic drip. Paced around the hospital for a few more hours, being checked every so often, and was told I'd got to 5cm. Very excited. Paced for another few hours, got checked again by a different MW and was told I was actually still at 2cm. Go figure. Very upset and tired by this point: starting to feel like a huge failure.

Was induced and the pain was awful. After 12hrs of this had an epidural since I hadn't slept in 2 days and was told this would help me sleep. Slept for a few hours to be woken by the MW hitting the emergency button since the baby's heartrate wasn't recovering after contractions. Room suddenly full of white coats and utter panic. Heartrate got back to normal so everyone left.

Heartrate didn't recover again, button hit again. Bed half-way out of the room en route to the operating theatre when a consultant shouted at people to stop, pulled out a ventouse and got me to push. Baby out in three pushes.

Baby absolutely fine. DH and I absolutely destroyed in every way (but me more ;) ).

I felt very out of the loop in the last part of the labour, but I think that this was medically necessary. There was no time to ask me what music I wanted playing whilst my baby was born or whatever other crap requests people might put in their birth plans: the focus was on getting her out safely and that was fine with me. It wasn't a good experience, but I believe that childbirth is the means to an end, not the end in itself.

#2 was much less stressful. 2cm at my 39wk check, so had a sweep. Went to hospital 12hrs later with regular contractions. Doctor broke my waters at 5cm since I was slowing down. Went right through to fully dilated and pushed out my son in 4 pushes. No drugs.

Despite having had a drug-free straightforward labour with #2 I don't feel like an earth mother or whatever it is women talk about in relation to natural childbirth. It was incredibly painful, very exposing (both physically and emotionally) and I was always aware of the fear that something would go wrong at any point. I was lucky that my son's birth was straightforward: it was nothing I did or didn't do.

I had a doula for #2 birth and it was a huge waste of money. I know people go on and on about how great they are, but for me it was just another person in the room with whom I had to converse: I felt like I had to include her in conversations I was having with DH (either actual decisions or just general chit-chat to pass the time between contractions) and she didn't help me deal with the pain better (I'm not sure how anyone going on about breathing and imagining beaches/flowers opening can help, to be honest). Total waste of money: I'd strongly advise all expectant mothers not to bother.

Having said all that, I'm currently 23wks with #3 and hoping that his/her birth follows #2 (the doula excepted): definitely the better experience.

My first and only (so far) labour was induced. I was hugely disappointed by that as id heard awful things about being induced and that it meant you were more likely to end up with intervention or potentially a c-section. I was already dilated 2cm so they broke my waters when I was +13. This didn't bring contractions on strong enough so I got put on the dreaded drip. I coped with that for about 3 hours with gas and air, contractions 4 in 10 minutes, before I was begging for an epidural. I got one straight away and it was the best decision I made, I was so much more relaxed and happier and to this day do not regret it.
I progressed to about 5cm when the midwife started to worry about babies heart rate which was dropping with each contraction, she called in a doctor for advice and he kept popping in to check. He eventually told me a c-section was likely as they were worried about baby, I was gutted but just wanted my DD to be safe so started mentally preparing for that. Whilst the doctor was standing there looking at the heart rate machine I started to get pressure and pain down there, I told him and he asked to examine me to which I agreed. He said I was fully dilated so could start pushing- I was so relieved and pushed like nothing else to try avoid the c-section. DD was born an hour later with no help. Perfect 7lbs 8oz baby.

I think I had amazing doctors and midwives throughout my time in hospital. I honestly couldn't thank them enough, my birth was completely the opposite to what I wanted but overall was a really positive experience. I healed quickly and will be putting epidural on my birth plan next time ;)

I was very lucky with the births of my children, I had 4 hours labour for both and water births. I felt in control during the whole process both times and the midwives followed my plan. I had gas and air because I wanted to and thinking back it was amazing to see my children come up the water.

I've had 3 water births
I highly recommend! Each birth was a positive experience, pretty textbook in terms of duration. Avoided intervention thankfully though needed stitches after 2 of them

I would say though that for me each labour was progressively harder - have never worked out why! Perhaps because I knew what was coming...

I seemed to go through the works with my DS... Induction, labour, emergency c section. In all honesty though I remember none of it. Nothing. And I'd do it all again. DH though still hasn't recovered 4.5 years on. He won't do it again so DS will be an only child.
I imagine it must have been very hard for him having to sit through and deal with all that happened and at the same time feeling completely useless.

At our ante natal classes we were told that first labours are usually at least 12 hours and we were advised to go and do something relaxing when the contractions first began, like going to the cinema! So after 2 hours of contractions, I thought I was being a real wuss when I began struggling through some very intense contractions and couldn't sit down. As soon as DH got home he raced me to the hospital. It turns out that not all first labours are long and I was in fact 10cm and ready to push!
My second labour was even quicker, I was having quite regular but painless tightenings so I decided to time them. When I realised they were 5 minutes apart I called the midwife and ran a bath to see if it would get things going. Contractions got stronger in the bath so I told DH we needed to leave but as soon as I stood up to get out of the bath, I felt baby drop down the birth canal and I told DH it was too late. DD arrived minutes later, delivered by my mum as DH relayed instructions from ambulance control down the phone!
After 2 swift deliveries, we decided on a planned home birth for DS2. It was brilliant. As soon as I realised I was in labour we called the midwife, I relaxed in the bath and listened to some music. Then, when I got the urge to push, I hopped out of the bath and delivered. (Still too quick for 2nd midwife to get there in time but at least we had 1 midwife!) DS1 and DD met their baby brother before we'd even cut the cord or delivered the placenta. It was such a relaxing way to give birth after the frantic rush of my first and second.

Both my labours were really quick first part and really slow second part - not the way round it's supposed to be!

Birth 1: I didn't know my waters had broken, it was just a trickle when I went to the toilet and I thought I couldn't stop weeing. I was 10cm dilated when we got to the hospital as I couldn't get the hang of timing them, they were coming quickly and I thought I must have been wrong! I felt awkward when I saw a string of blood come out when I was squatting - I didn't really want my husband to watch. I had a ventouse delivery which was fine and it was all over with pretty quickly but I couldn't stop shaking after and had to be stitched up which was the worst part. Again I didn't want my husband to watch this. I felt pretty vulnerable lying there with my legs in stirrups and my tummy just felt so strange, a big saggy mess. My son was beautiful and perfect so this made it all worthwhile.
Birth 2: again my waters broke on the toilet. This time I had to have forceps and I wished the midwives had listened to me more when I said I couldn't keep pushing - my daughter was back to back and I was in agony and exhausted. I didn't have the strength to keep pushing. When she was born I had to have a manual placenta removal. My husband likened the tools they used to BBQ tongs (you can see why I didn't want him to watch first time!).

I was lucky. I laboured at home for much of it. I spent most of the night pacing round my house and rocking/swaying to manage the pain. I managed to get a couple of hours sleep and then went and sat in the bath. I don't know about empowering, but it was more manageable than I expected. I know that I didn't really think I was in labour initially as it just felt like period pain. The frustrating bit was getting to hospital, at a pre arranged time and for there to be no-one in triage on the labour ward. They tried to make me do a urine sample, which I remember crying that I couldn't do... Then someone examined me, and realised the baby was well on the way. 40mins after arriving in hospital I had her!

birth #1 11 days overdue. induced. had no idea what induction was. straight onto drip, 14 hours of pain. Asked for an epidural told No as You didn't want one before was allowed pethidine, gas and air. face first, with an arm! 3rd deg tear. placenta no show. 2 hour operation to retrieve placenta. Mostly a blur. stitches - ouch.
recovered. 10 days P/N had big bleed. rushed back in for another operation under general to retrieve remains of placenta. unstitched and restitched. all my beautiful healed stitched redone. Gutted.

birth #2 requested a c/s. was brill. calm, relaxed, even fun experience. reverent silence when they pulled ds out. hurt after.

birth #3 c/s again, I was terrified. all was OK.

I never actually went into labour naturally. My normal birth experience was the more you get medically messed with, the more problems ensue. so might as well have a c/s. Wish I'd waited on the induction with the 1st baby til 14 days over, given dd a chance to come in her own time.

advice? read lots on all birth outcomes. you will need to understand fast what x, y or z means, it helps to arm yourself with knowledge. Be open minded you could have a lovely dreamy water birth, or you could have an emergency c/s. no one knows.

My labour was actually great. It wasn't massively straight forward... Induced at 10am, waters broken at 5pm, fully dilated at 2.50pm, pushed for an hour but DS wasn't moving so CS with him born at 5.36am... But it was an amazing experience. I am so glad I got to go all the way to pushing but as he was 10lb 7oz I was glad it was a CS in the end.

I found it an amazing and empowering experience. I didn't feel out of control, even when my body took over pushing etc. My DH was brilliant at supporting me as was the midwife.

She was great at help in me to make the decisions around what happened, especially about the CS, and I felt totally comfortable with all that happened and how.

It was a phenomenal experience, even though painful (just pool and gas and air) and I almost look forward to doing it again sometime!

It felt like an out of body experience for me, except for the pain which was definitely in my body!

I initially didn't realise I was in labour. THought my backpain had just worsened and that I had trapped wind and couldn't hold my wee. Then it clicked that the pains were coming and going rather frequently (every two minutes!!)

SPD complicated my labour and the pain was extraordinary in my hip though rather than the actual contractions. My DH was amazing although I don't know if his counting down to the next contractions was useful or more terrifying.

It seems looking back to have gone in really quickly although it was around 11 hours in total.

I vividly remember telling my DH with all honesty I would like to go, it's ok the baby can just stay in there, I have changed my mind. The maternity ward was full when I delivered my DS so we got to stay in the delivery room for ages and had 3 hours of uninterrupted skin to skin which was fabulous for bonding. Then our parents got to visit which was magical.

Thanks for all your posts so far, they've been really interesting to read. We would also like to hear a little more about how you felt throughout your birth and whether you felt it to be an empowering experience, or whether you felt it to be more overwhelming? Did your expectations on how you would cope match up to reality? Did you feel like your wishes were listened to, or not?

I have birth to both of my children at home and felt happy and in control. Speaking to other mothers I think the main thing I'd remark upon was that I was never scared. I hadn't mother and husband present as well as the midwives, they were calm and positive at all times. I feel very lucky to have had two such positive experiences.

I had DS1 and DS2 in the same midwifery led unit attached to a hospital.

Both labours were fairly straightforward. I didn't need pain relief for either (had a bit of gas and air for DS1 but the mouthpiece was annoying so I chucked it away - didn't have time for anything with DS2) and both boys were born shouting (and have continued ever since!).

However, they were definitely some aspects of both births that were upsetting and could have been avoided.

With DS1 I must admit I didn't feel the midwives listened to me particularly well. For example, I went in to be checked as I felt like I was progressing and they stuck me on a monitor for half an hour and weren't even going to bother checking how dilated I was before sending me home as according to them I clearly wasn't in active labour. I insisted they check as (although I wasn't making a huge fuss about it) I was in quite a lot of pain and wanted to know how far along I was and, to their huge surprise, I was 8cm. They also told me to start pushing too early, before I had the urge to push, and as a first time Mum I just did as I was told. My pushing stage went on for a long time (over 2 hours) - I suspect I wasn't fully ready to push when they got me started on it.

With DS2 I had a pretty crappy experience. My contractions started and within 1.5 hours DS2 was born. It was pretty intense and, again, the midwives didn't seem to believe how far along I was. I phoned to say I was coming in and was made to wait in the reception area for half an hour. I went through transition on all fours in front of the receptionist and a poor lady waiting for visiting hours to start having not even been seen my a midwife. Apparently the room wasn't ready. I don't think we were pushy enough, but it's hard to be pushy when you're in such a vulnerable position. I eventually got into the room, gave birth almost immediately, tore very badly and was left on the bed I gave birth on for four hours before they sent someone to stitch me up. All in all, not a great experience.

DC3 is due in December. I'm planning on having a home birth as all the rubbish bits with DS1 and DS2 were mainly due to the midwives being so busy/pushed for time. Hopefully having one midwife focused entirely on me will make a big difference.

If I could go back and do it all again I would definitely have been more insistent about holding off pushing until I felt the urge to push with DS1; and I would have been far far more insistent that they get me in the birthing room quickly and stitch me up straight away with DS2.

I was induced for both of mine which involves being admitted to hospital on an agreed date and undergoing several procedures to try and get things going! I had manual sweep of the cervix by a midwife followed by pessaries and finally a syntocin drip. My first labour was hard going and I found the gas and air made me a bit paranoid! I thought at one point the midwife and DH were in cahoots to limit my pain relief! My second labour I opted for an epidural and all was well with the world a much better experience.

DD (my first) - I felt quite out of control. I was induced, so lots of hanging around waiting to get going, but then suddenly very full on, very painful. I had gas & air then pethidine, which I didn't like, very druggy and hallucinating a bit. Ended up in theatre having forcep delivery. The whole thing felt like it was happening to someone else (except the pain... that was all mine).

DS (my second) - I was induced again, but this time when things got underway I requested an epidural. It was fantastic. I felt in control, calm, and focussed. No intervention required. I even watched him being born in a mirror that was held by a midwife. It was quite simply the best experience of my life, and I would love to do it all again.