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MN Bumpfest: Share your experiences of bonding with your baby straight after birth with other MNers – £50 voucher prize draw NOW CLOSED

155 replies

MichelleMumsnet · 07/08/2014 09:39

In the run up to BumpFest (which will tell you absolutely everything you need to know about being a parent - promise) we’re looking to get a better understanding of the experiences Mumsnetters have had around different issues surrounding childbirth.

If there’s one thing that you can be sure about parenting, it’s that nothing is ever quite how you imagine it would be. We know from past threads, and some of the comments here here that Mumsnetters experience of bonding with their baby in the early days were sometimes less straightforward than they’d anticipated.

If you’re willing to share your stories, we’d love to hear more about your experiences. We’ll be using them to inform our research for BumpFest on the different myths and expectations there are surrounding childbirth and early bonding - thanks so much to those of you who post, we’ll be entering everyone into a draw to win a £50 John Lewis voucher.

Thanks Thanks

MNHQ

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 24/08/2014 15:22

I had an EMCS under GA so was unconscious for the first few hours of DDs life and was a bit shellshocked by birth.
I don't think we did really bond until after we left hospital 3 days later and we were able to have some quiet time to ourselves.
I didn't really love and enjoy my DD as a baby in the same way that I absolutely adore her now as a 4 year old.

andywedge · 24/08/2014 16:58

I said 'hello' she winked at me and then went to sleep. That was it. She had me wrapped around her little finger within 2 seconds.

sugar1975 · 24/08/2014 18:50

I had a very difficult first birth..... baby a month early and footling breech so needed an emergency section. She was then rushed to SCBU where she stayed for 4 days! I was so shocked by it all and the pain I was experiencing from my section that I thought I would find it hard to bond! I was unable to get down to see my daughter straightaway and if my wonderful hubbie wasn't there to help me, things may have been different. I would have loved to have breastfed but this wasn't meant to be! The first night I had my daughter with me I lay awake all night just holding her......... I was very lucky to have been able to have bonded with my child, some aren't so lucky. Good Luck To All Expecting Mums :) Having a baby is so life changing, enjoy every moment.

jac22 · 24/08/2014 19:48

I didn't get the big rush of love immediately with either of my two. Just shock and amazement. Very different births, 1 - 4 days of being induced 2 - 35 minutes labour from 2cm to birth. I love them more and more each day. They are now 10 and 7.

lhlee62 · 24/08/2014 20:09

I was in a bit of denial with my first, it took me ages to accept that she was mine. I had it in my mind that I wasn't really pregnant and that I shouldn't get attached to my pregnant belly. Even when I began to show I was still a bit detached, she began kicking and I could feel her moving around, but it was like I was scared to love her in case I lost her.

After she was born I still felt like she wasn't really mine and that at any second someone would say it was a mistake and that she wasn't mine and that they would come and take her away. It was a weird feeling and it took a long time to bond, I think breastfeeding helped.

It was different with my second, but I did also feel how could I love anyone as much as my first child. It was hard to comprehend loving two as much as I loved my first child, but as soon as I say her my heart melted!

maryandbuzz1 · 24/08/2014 20:18

After having a traumatic Caesarian I was in hospital for 4 days. I felt that I didn't bond with my baby at all whilst in hospital. I felt on show and useless.
However when I got home everything fell into place with the help of my husband and although I didn't breast feed I developed a strong bond with my baby.

insertsomethingwitty · 24/08/2014 20:30

DD1 I adored straight away, DD2 was born 18 months later and unconsciously I must have been expecting a duplicate baby. It totally threw me that DD2 looked nothing like DD1, she was born reasonably late at night so once we were cleaned up DP was packed off home and DD2 and I sent to the ward. I really needed those few hours of it being just me and DD2 in the dark on our own to bond. As my initial thought was, she can't be mine she doesn't look like DD1. I adored her by the morning, but I remember very clearly the feeling of confusion when she was first born.
DD3 I also bonded with instantly and I had learned not to expect carbon copy siblings.

KandSWh · 24/08/2014 20:50

After I'd gotten over the immediate 'what on earth have I done/what have they given me/ how did I make this/ what am I supposed to do with this' feelings, I realised that I would do anything for my beautiful little girl because I was so consumed with love for her. Even now, when she does little things, or says something, or randomly hugs me, I get a full-blown 'rush' of love.

ThemisA · 24/08/2014 21:09

I was lucky, I bonded immediately and put my son straight to the breast, a few hours later we were back at home and I just spent the night staring at him. I felt very protective and couldn't believe how beautiful and perfect he looked and that he had just come out of me. I know it is not as straight forward for everyone but we all get there in the end,

kerryv · 24/08/2014 21:33

Ah the first cuddle. Best feeling in the world.

littleme96 · 24/08/2014 21:34

Skin to skin was a great way of bonding and I have such lovely memories of those first feeds. I did find that I found it difficult in the early weeks when people wanted extensive cuddles - it was almost jealousy of just wanting them back to breathe them in some more and get to know them! Hard to do when they are being passed around the room and you only get them back when they needed feeding!

becks2134 · 24/08/2014 21:37

I don't think I bonded straight away, it felt like a bit of a dream if that makes sense, I stayed up late to give her her night feed then I remember waking up the next morning in hospital after my little one being born panicking that I'd slept too long and there she was fast asleep still and I remember feeling the love then....

Pmliu · 24/08/2014 22:46

I really wanted a water birth, I started in the water but then it got too hot & my temperature went really high. So had gas & air which made me feel really dizzy & drowsy, but as soon as the midwife saw my baby head was visible she took the gas & air off me & said to me I couldn't have it cos the baby was on its way so I had no pain relief. I had a natural birth & it was nothing like I ever felt before, but it really is true what everyone says, as soon as my beautiful baby girl was placed in my arms I instantly forgot about how much pain I went through because all I could think about was how wonderful my beautiful baby girl is. She was very well behaved & hardly cried, she slept most of the time I was at the birthing centre, they kept me in overnight & I was allowed to go next day. Both me & my hubby was too excited & full of adrenaline to sleep that night though & sat up watching our beautiful baby girl sleep.

Chopstheduck · 25/08/2014 08:43

I know there is a lot of emphasis on skin to skin contact immediately after birth, etc. However, I do think it is a bit over emphasized. With dd, she was my first, and I had that rush of love, etc. With subsequent children, I was exhausted, and quite happy to let my partner cuddle them while I got my breath back for a minute. It certainly didn't affect my bonding with them.

Marg2k8 · 25/08/2014 09:33

With two quite difficult deliveries, including one emergency c-section, I really didn't bond straight after the birth.

Kathderoet · 25/08/2014 11:04

I bonded with all 4 of mine straight away, I just felt overwhelmed with the most protective love, you're never prepared for it. Baby number 2 had to be taken to SCBU, we got skin to skin contact before she was taken away. I remember when they returned her to me 2 days later, I was on my ward and heard a baby crying, I knew it was my daughter's voice even though they hadn't told me they were bringing her to me.

happysouls · 25/08/2014 13:19

I didn't have any issues with bonding. I had issues with breastfeeding and weepiness because it was horrible and I hated it and didn't want to do it but felt like I should and I was so tired and in alot of pain. But after a day or two passed and I moved on to bottles and got to grips with everything then it was fine!

fertilityFTW · 25/08/2014 14:24

I was always wary of words like 'bonding' the way they're bandied about as if the experience is a universal one. I had an ELCS, and though I had of course read the threads and books and articles about how some people had issues bonding after surgery or had problems BFing etc. I remained quite certain that what would happen to us would be what would happen to us. No harm reading up but I feel it's detrimental to superimpose positive OR negative experiences upon your own....just get there and see. As it was the ELCS was a great experience, I got a quick nuzzle before DH and MW whisked her away to do as they do, I could hear DH talking to the baby/giving me an account. And after, in recovery, she was all mine, curled on my chest, eventually latching. I was fortunate to be in a lovely ward, there was always someone around to advise and assist. We co-slept, well....I mostly watched her while she slept...and thereafter took it one step at a time. We had no problems with BF and my milk came in a few days later.

I've read a lot here on how the delivery, whether a positive or negative experience, effects how you feel about the baby. But I wonder whether how you feel in the lead up, and just generally about having a child etc., trumps that effect. Being uncertain or harbouring much trepidation, one might find that one moment tips the balance. However I, for instance, always wanted a child, desperately. Was older, had struggled with infertility, and was probably damned sure that whatever nightmare that moment may deal, it was but a small step of a few hours on the way to a much wished for dream. I have a history of clinical depression as well, but avoided any hint of PND (though was bracing for it), and the only reason I can come up with in hindsight is the immense positivity I felt about this baby all the way through.

At no point do I wish to suggest it's all the power of positive thinking or to belittle the difficult and sometimes traumatic experiences some women have gone through. I just think in my individual case, my deep desire for a baby made me quite blind to anything other than having her in my arms. I was 'bonded' in a sense much before she came into the world. And I am so fortunate that that happened for me.

twinklenic · 25/08/2014 21:24

i found bonding with my first baby very hard. I was induced and he was born by emergency c-section while i was under general . I woke up around 8am and couldnt see my baby . I was terrified . A midwife finally came in and told me id had a little boy and he was wheeled over to me. He was 10lb 1 born and had been stuck so had a very sore head. He cried for the first 3 days constantly and as a first time Mum it was very hard. I bonded fine with my second and 3rd babies

Pinter · 25/08/2014 23:08

She was who she is from the first moment. We just facilitate her

kkmuk06 · 26/08/2014 01:10

considering i didnt have a clue about babies as i was the youngest left in the family with no neices or nephews from older siblings. finding out i was 21weeks pregnant at a kidney scan was a shock to the system Grin after months of doctors appointments and ruling out signs of pregnancy for.months with various.tests etc it.really was shocking to see a baby on that screen. going into labour was something i really dreaded the.last.few months. it was scary but.amazing i enjoyed every second no medication, natural vd my daughter lola-rose was.born at 12,37am 10/01/14 back to.back.. and had thick meconium so.was whisked.away.from me to have her lungs checked and the second they came back and put her on my chest. was the best moment of my entire life. i will never forget that moment. i just kept crying and saying IM A MUM I MADE HER SHES BEAUTIFUL and i knew from that day i was going to give her the best life i could. shes just over 7 months and every morbing and everynight i tell her how.much i love her and that will never stop. having her lay on my chest after birth was the most rewarding feeling ever Smile

Alidoll · 26/08/2014 15:51

My baby was born by C-section and had fluid on her lungs so I saw here briefly before she was taken to neo-natal. I then didn't see her until the next day when I was finally wheeled along the corridor to the unit. Breast feeding helped me bond (though, I won't lie..it was very painful at times!).

She's 4.5 now and I have a very strong bond with her so those hours apart early on, had no effect on my love for her.

xxxxclarexxxx · 26/08/2014 16:37

i was so tired after giving birth to my son and the gas and air and drugs i felt i couldnt hold him properly and my arms and legs felt like jelly! but after a little bit i felt better andl loved the first cuddle and finger grip theres nothing like it :) x

RedundantExpat · 26/08/2014 19:42

I can't remember when this happened but I had this really strong feeling that I wanted to be hidden under a blanket with the baby and holding her and looking at her REALLY close up.

informer365 · 26/08/2014 22:15

it just came naturally