The Goose and Carrot Pub Thread

[roaringdragon]

Everyone is welcome, and the thread disappears after 90 days.

Thank you for the last thread @lougle. I hope the doctor was helpful and DD2 isn’t feeling too rubbish this morning.

DS1 has used the last of his EOTAS hours today. There will be at least a few weeks before the EHCP is finalised and funding restarts. He will hopefully have his operation during that time, but it is still going to feel like a long time without that provision.

Well yes it sounds like they will be removing all professional evidence and just keeping in the very weak LA EP recommendations. So I should contract the schools prospectively and give them the full picture?

@MumofMaskers yes, do that. Some schools can be funny and not talk to parents about it, but that isn’t a problem, you can still provide all the information.

@MumofMaskers try not to get disheartened. See it as a game of chess. They make their moves and you make yours. You have the advantage because you know your children and you can advocate for them. All they can advocate for is their budget. Unfortunately for them, the law focuses on the needs of the child, not their budget line.

I'm a bit frustrated this afternoon. I've spent several days having phone calls and emails about DD3 and her friendship. All focus has been on "we must stop DD3 from feeling that she is responsible for X's wellbeing." Today x had a tricky time and a staff member called to DD3 and asked if there was anything she could do to resolve the situation and perhaps she could threaten to withdraw a favour she was doing for the friend that day. DD3 says she wasn't entirely sure if she was being serious because she sort of laughed afterwards. It's just so inappropriate, especially as they're working on DD3 feeling too responsible for other students.

Thank you @Lougle I know you're right - I need to toughen up and not get so stressed at every call or email as there's going to be a lot more to come and then will have to do it all again for my son. I am trying to remind myself it's not personal. I think Mondays are the worst at the moment with a long week stretching ahead - I'm pretty isolated.

And @drspouse thanks for the advice re choices - I will try that. My son really struggles with this.

Just more house things. Worktop has been made today and radius corner cut and we should be able to collect tomorrow. Provisional date being set with electrician and work agreed. Laundry room has been painted a second time and now ready for floor tiling. Downstairs bathroom has been cleaned more, trying to do all the tiles, grout, ceiling, floors and walls and its very nearly finished then I can start painting once we buy more paint and jif. Have phoned the whirlpool bath selling company and got information from them and think we know what we will order now though DH is wanting me to wait before ordering. I want to order now as its 4 weeks for it to be made and DS also seems keen leaving his bathroom wide open again.

a staff member called to DD3 and asked if there was anything she could do to resolve the situation and perhaps she could threaten to withdraw a favour she was doing for the friend that day

@Lougle What on earth was that staff member thinking!? Rather baffling.

The EOTAS package we won for DS1 includes a lot of provision that was in the package before alongside a few new bits. One part of the new provision will mean we need to recruit a new tutor. We don’t have the EHCP following the Tribunal Order yet, and definitely don’t have the funding yet, but I think I have found the tutor. I hadn’t intended to. I was speaking to someone whose DC had EOTAS for a couple of years and has just started a residential placement. The tutor is currently doing agency work while looking for a more permanent role. While we will need to go through the formal process once we have the EHCP, speaking to her made me think she will be a brilliant fit. I hope she is still available when we get to that point!

Jacuzzi bath ordered. Poor DH I was like an over excited child going should I order it now about 20 times and he finally laughed and said go on then. I think DS really wants it as he's leaving his bathroom door open all the time for me to go in and do cleaning / work on it.

That's a really odd thing for the staff member to have done @Lougle! If it was meant to be a joke it wasn't really a very good one!

You can definitely contact the prospective schools @MumofMaskers and you can tell them that they are not your first choice (because the letter from the LA often insinuates that they are) and that they may not have the complete picture. You can show them your EP report. Did the LA do their own EP?

That sounds really positive for the house and whirlpool bath @Violasilkie.

Fingers crossed @roaringdragon for her still being available when you need her!

@Violasilkie very exciting and how wonderful that DS is showing signs of approval.

@roaringdragon that's amazing! It doesn't matter how hard to LA tries, you'll always come up on top because you have a laser focus. I hope she's free when the funding comes through.

I wrote a firm email to DD3's tutor who said that he'd deal with it straight away. It's not on.

DD2 has been in tears tonight. She's still in a lot of pain and we haven't got the medicine yet. She's panicking about having to repeat the year because she's missed college. Even though she's feeling really poorly, as soon as the teacher posted the worksheet to Google classroom at lunch time, DD2 completed it. I encouraged her to write an email to her tutor to tell her she's really worried that she has missed college and that she really wants to be there and has done the work. I'm hoping that the tutor will be encouraging. Apparently she told the students that even if they thought they were getting a cold they shouldn't attend (at the same time as emphasising that they require 80% attendance to progress to the next level). I'm pretty sure that even if we think it was non-infectious, they wouldn't have thanked DD2 for attending a few hours after vomiting several times.

@roaringdragon

Well done on all your hard work and everything crossed the tutor is still available for starting.

@Violasilkie

You are making roaring progress with your renovations.

@MumofMaskers

keep going and trusting your gut instincts about things and definitely be as proactive as you possibly can be in getting what you know your DC need.

DC didn’t have a good day yesterday. Not enjoying one subject at all, dislikes the tutor as well. The class were kept behind for something and it messed up DC transport. Not home till much later so not happy and transfers all their emotion onto me. It’s like being hit by a freight train. I’m utterly exhausted but need to try let DC resolve this. DC wanted to go into school to speak to teachers but they want DC in College. I fear there’s an agenda as usual. Really hoping there’s an alternative subject DC can choose as it all feels quite precarious currently.

@roaringdragon If after an annual review, (when various new diagnoses have been made by an independent body), the LA decides to amend the EHC plan, I know the parents get at least 15 calendar days to make their representatives per the SEN code of practice. Can the parents ask for extensions, and if so, for how many days and how many extensions? (This is not about DGD)

@RavenLaw yes the LA sent their EP and she provided an extremely sanitised report which missed a lot of the context, her burnout and the reasons she was unable to be at school. So we got our own EP. Looked at section K and our independent reports (we got OT too) just aren't there. So we will do that to ensure schools have the full picture.

Do you have a local parent carer forum or carers’ group?

Our local parent carer forum gets well known education solicitors or barristers to give a workshop to parents sometimes.

There’s a monthly meeting for carers in my town; and the county wide organisation arranges for someone to come and give a talk every other month. Obviously, some talks will be irrelevant, because they are about caring for dementia or whatever; but underneath it all, carers have the same problems with social isolation, stress, dealing with endless bureaucracy; whatever their age or the conditions they deal with.

One of the local condition specific charities also runs parenting courses.

They are all good ways to meet up with other parents of children with SEN, who are the people most likely to get, what you are talking about!

There are some online forums - sometimes condition specific. Some of the best advice, I’ve been given on DD1’s epilepsy in the early days, when I knew nothing about it, came from parents on epilepsy forums.

I also joined all the national charities, relevant to DDs, such as Afasic, the Dyspraxia Foundation, Mencap, Rethink, Epilepsy Action, The Epilepsy Society, Metabolic Support UK and looked out for their national conferences, workshops, etc and those by IPSEA and SOS!SEN to educate myself. Some have free helplines.

Thanks @RavenLaw Hope year 7 is going well.

Thanks @Lougle So sorry about DD2. I hope the doctors can make her better soon and that doesn't mean more hospital trips.

Thanks @Fififizz Hope there's a solution. When DD did A levels you could change subjects first two weeks but not after but will vary by school.

DH is just on his way back with the oak worktop which has the radius circle cut out for one corner for water metre though we will need to oil / varnish it cut side to match wall, put supports in and cut tap holes but will do that after tiling in there. We also have a second bit of worktop which we need to cut to size.

@Violasilkie

Thank you. I believe they can change provided there’s space and the timetable allows. I’m hoping there’s a solution too, otherwise things aren’t looking great. I’m finding it all so difficult. The previous situation was exhausting trying to plus the gaps and make it work, now it’s a new situation all over and new gaps and I’m struggling as there’s only so much support I can give.

You are being very productive and making great headway with all of your renovation plans. It really sounds like it’s all coming together nicely.

@LathkillDale there aren’t any set rules. Parents must be given at least 15 days. It is ‘at least’ and not a maximum. Parents can ask for longer and there isn’t a set amount of time they can ask for or a set number of times they can request longer, but the LA may not agree. The LA must finalise within 8 weeks of sending the notice of amendment, so a max of 12 weeks from the meeting.

@Fififizz I’m sorry DC didn’t have a good day and you took the brunt of that. How was today? I hope DC can swap to something they want to do. Or what would DC think to dropping to 2 A levels?

@MumofMaskers often the reports aren’t sent with the consultations anyway, so even if they were listed in K, it would be a good idea to give the school the full picture.

@Lougle I hope you got the diclofenac today and it helps.

@roaringdragon

Thanks for this. DC has a plan to speak to people tomorrow about his options. I wouldn’t mind the 2 ‘A’ levels. I’m not sure if that fits with the College offer or school model which is 4 days in College one day in school and a buy in to a FT Post 16 ed as the basis for the the LA funding. I don’t think DC can do an extra day in school for staffing reasons and thus far DC has struggled to do any kind of school work at home. I’m definitely not opposed to just taking 2 subjects though.

@Fififizz staffing can be written into the EHCP so DC could spend 2 days at school. Or you could look at provision outside of school or college, e.g. for PfA provision.

@roaringdragon

Difficulty with changing provision now though is needing an ER and courses have already begun and if I had to appeal to get additional provision in the plan we’d likely be well into 2027. It’s useful you flagging ideas though. PfA is being delivered already by the hybrid model of school and College. School receives all the £££££ funding from LA for the EHCP and for delivery of all the provision and they outsource the formal curriculum teaching to College only and pay them for that part. School delivers PfA on the school day and supports independent study. I need to see what’s suggested tomorrow. In theory it should be possible to switch courses but to what I’m not sure. If no joy there I’ll mull it over and your suggestions. Thanks

@Fififizz sorry, I meant more PfA. There isn’t an upper limit as to how much can be provided. There is always more that can be provided. Courses having already begun wouldn’t matter if DC continues with the 2 A levels. DC can continue with them now. You wouldn’t have to stop then restart.

if I had to appeal to get additional provision in the plan we’d likely be well into 2027.

Sorry to put a dampener on it, but unless an appeal is expedited, it would be well into 2028! Appeals being registered now are coming back with spring 2028 dates.

@roaringdragon

Ok, thanks. That’s very helpful and gives me some ideas. Hopefully I have some leverage not wanting DC to become a NEET if it all falls through too. Oh gosh, that’s a really long way off!

Thanks @Fififizz

Got the oak worktop - we went to call plumber to arrange for them in next week but they are on holiday until mid next week but can work round that. Bath panel is apparently being delivered tomorrow. We went to do more downstairs but DS was staying there so this time we went to do the garden which was fine as nice to go outside and got to clean silkies (though that started a massive silkie wing fight as one wanted her bit done first and went into another one's area), cleared the leaves and planted the remaining bulbs and also the old baby gate was cut up to go out for collection.

@Fififizz I'm sorry things are so hard. I suppose it's better that issues start now because it's easier to resolve than later on, but how stressful!

It's been stressful here. DD2 has been in tears with pain, but the Diclofenac came in at lunchtime so she's had that and it's helped a bit.

DD1's blood test was booked for tomorrow lunch time but the psychiatrist forgot to mention that she'd added fasting bloods. Luckily the LD nurse mentioned it when she phoned me today, so I had to phone the surgery to see if they could change the appointment. They happened to have an 8.40 free, so that saves me a trip to the hospital phleb department.

DD3 is struggling with the change to the school day. They've introduced tutor time and one of the people she's with is quite tricky for her to spend time with.

@roaringdragon Thanks for the advice, on behalf of a friend’s DGS. Like so often, it’s all a big mess!