The Goose and Carrot July Edition

[Lougle]

All welcome, and everything disappears after 90 days.

I think AI is very self affirming. We’re software people too and I think it’s having a disastrous effect on the industry. The similarity to calculators I think holds. We don’t use calculators until years into maths and long after the functions we use are understood and even then using a calculator leads to a rapid loss of the ability to do mental arithmetic. Personally I think it’s a brilliant confidence builder. Hearing your thoughts reframed and tidied up as though a cleverer friend is agreeing with you can feel empowering.

I also like a different topic - I think its a distraction from SN stuff which is often depressing. DD coming home is great for that - I've had AI, China, Oxford, rowing, cat etc. DS is impressing the cat by cooking sausages and going for late evening walks in the garden. DH has had a birthday meal with his Mum who is in her 90s and is now going to south of France to see a friend then back to his Mums when his twin arrives in a couple of days. Had a lovely e-mail from tree neighbour saying he was sorry we had to do work in the lane for the tree when it wasn't needed but tree is down now so sent him a nice one back to say thanks and we were fine and exercise was good for us.

Its DHs 60th soon and he said he wanted us to go on a spa day for his birthday and I asked him should I book on his actual birthday or another day and he said another day as he wants to spend his birthday at home with DS even if DS doesn't want to be with him. So booked another date which suits me as its cheaper and less busy.

I forgot to say meds finally here today. Thank goodness.

@WellzizizbetterThat’s a relief! It’s very stressful, running out of meds!

I like AI, because I can ask it for a recipe like potato cakes for two, cooked in the oven in metric, and it produces one with the calories. It saves me wading through loads of websites, with a multitude of adverts flashing in my face - half of which turn out to be American, with uncommon ingredients in cups, which I can’t visualise. Then some turn out to be subscription, after a couple of recipes.

If it seems like I am preoccupied with diets and calories, it’s because I am on a diet; and DD1 needs to lose weight, although her nutritional needs are more exacting than mine! It doesn’t matter if I get hungry, before the next meal and I can lose 2lbs a week, whereas she shouldn’t.

She had a lot of seizures last week, so they have spoken to her neurologist about a face to face appointment in September.

DD2’s ex rang me last week to say, he tried to salvage the relationship, but he couldn’t - he wants to buy her out the house. I told her, when they split up, to apply for benefits and a council flat….

Great meds have arrived @Wellzizizbetter

Sorry DD1 is having lots of seizures @LathkillDale and hope a solution that works for everyone can be found re house and DD2.

@LathkillDale I use Copy Me That which produces a really nicely formatted recipe with a quick switch between ingredients and method.

Thanks

@LathkillDale I’m sorry DD1 has had a lot of seizures over the last week.

@Wellzizizbetter I’m glad you have sorted DS’s meds.

DS2 went away with his girlfriend and her family yesterday. I think he is a bit young to be going away with a girlfriend, but her parents asked and DS2 wanted to go.

DS has cooked chicken Kiev and sausages and it's staying clean and tidy downstairs in kitchen. DD put dishwasher on. DS came upstairs to check out what ice creams we have in the fridge. DD saw him being careful with the cat. DS is going round garden a lot. Hot here today 31C though used to it now and didn't feel too bad.

@Tulipandmagnolia it's nice that your DH wants to spend his birthday with DS. I hope he gets some positive interaction.

@Wellzizizbetter hooray for meds.

@LathkillDale food is tricky here, too. Sorry about the seizures. They must be so worrying, yet I always find chronic illness (even if serious) is so boring. It's like a hamster wheel you can't get off. I hope the medics have a better treatment plan soon.

The relationship breakdown sounds hard. If they are living separately in the same house, she can apply for Universal Credit immediately. She would have to separate her bills from his and have her own food, etc. Obviously, once the flat was sold it would depend on whether her share would be used for onward purchase as to whether it could be disregarded while she looked for somewhere to buy.

@inthequietofdawn that is very grown up stuff. I presume the fact that you let him go means you trust his gf's parents. Parenting doesn't get easier, does it?

We bought a Skylight Calender a few days ago and set it up yesterday. DD1 loves it and is incredibly motivated by it but I'm finding the intensity of her monitoring me hard as it is, and now she is monitoring my use of that too! In the long run, I hope it will help. She managed to sort her laundry (with assistance) and put her laundry in her drawers, and instead of just unloading the top rack of the dishwasher she unloaded the whole thing, to get extra stars. She's using her stars to buy a second Scentos colouring box.

The ADHD meds for DD1 are transformational. She has consistently been colouring her scentos colouring box for almost a week. She's colouring so neatly and choosing colours really carefully. She had a really good session with the psychologist on Friday and they are able to talk in a much more productive way because DD1 is actually listening to what she says before she responds. The wearing off phase is still a bit of a crash, and chaos returns, and her autistic traits are stronger (more need for consistency and forward planning, more over explaining thought processes, etc), but that's a known thing with an AuDHD profile.

@Lougle it is brilliant to read ADHD medication is having such a positive effect. How are you finding the skylight calendar to use?

Do you think it would add to DD1’s anxiety if you made one of the tasks (or whatever they are called to get stars. Sorry, I’m not familiar with the calendar.) not to check on your use of the calendar

I don’t know the GF’s parents very well, but from what I know, they seem sensible and responsible. Her mother is a nurse which made me feel a little better on that front but I think might have made her feel a little more nervous - she has already messaged a few times to check things which I absolutely don’t mind and prefer to her worrying or things not going well/right. Before agreeing, we had a long chat about things. He has slept at their house (separate bedrooms, is same on holiday too) after a day and all was OK.

@inthequietofdawn I like her already! I'm sure he'll really benefit from your trust.

It's an interesting thought to give her a star for not checking my use of the calendar. I think perhaps once it's completely set up I could, but to be fair to her, she's just not appreciating that it takes time and isn't instant.

There is an unexpected side feature - yesterday we went to Currys and DD1 found it very frustrating, so she constantly said she wanted to go home. Today we needed to go back, and I offered DD1 a star if she came to Currys and didn't make a fuss. We didn't take her wheelchair. She did well, but after about 20 minutes she said she was sorry and she didn't want to lose her star, but she was in a lot of pain and she couldn't manage much longer. She was quite anxious about losing her star (she didn't) which helped to assess how much pain she was in because she risked her beloved star to say she was too sore to keep going. Later, we had to go to B&Q so we took her wheelchair and she coped much better.

I offered DD2 the chance to use the reward system and it was really interesting to see that she struggled with needing to get lots of points for a reward, and she shed a few tears about how hard she finds daily tasks. But she came up with a proposal for tasks that she currently finds difficult that she'd like to earn points for, the level of points for each task, and what she'd like to use her points for (animal tracking bracelets).

It's a bit trickier with DD3 because she does so much already, and we almost need to slow her down. It needs to be meaningful, so there's no point in giving her stars for things she already does, but we need to find other stuff so she doesn't feel that her sisters are being rewarded for stuff she does anyway and she gets nothing.

@Lougle that’s all really interesting.

What about stars for rest, relaxation or self care for DD3?

DS2 has been away with his best friend and his family several times, but it is different with it being a girlfriend and parents we don’t know very well.

That's a great suggestion @inthequietofdawn!

I like that it is really visual, which is very helpful for DD1. Each event in the calender can be assigned to profiles, so if DD1 and I are going to an appointment, the background will be half green (me) and half purple (DD1). An event that applies to us all will be striped with green, yellow, pale blue, purple, and dark blue.

I can also set the meal planner to show within the calender, which should mean that DD1 will know what's for a meal, etc., without asking.

I can also take a photo of a flyer and it will pull the information into the calendar, and I can email a PDF of the school yearly calendar to the calendar's email address and it will put it all into the calendar.

It should be helpful. If it's really helpful and DD1 remains motivated, we will get a smaller one for her room, with the plan being that if it's well embedded her carers can use it with her when she's in her residential setting.

So glad the ADHD meds are useful for DD1 @Lougle. REALLY hoping we can find the same for DD.
DS is doing really well with reduced screen time, he spent about 2 hours doing word searches today and he's been pretty calm with DD since she got home.
I'm trying to take things easy having got most of the urgent paperwork done on my mum's estate. We can now plan the funeral in a bit more peace.

We went to the theatre yesterday as I discovered my mum had booked to go on Thursday, so I got a refund and booked us all in. DD and I were in hysterics, DS insisted he didn't like it but he did.

We are also buying him a typewriter.

@drspouseI'm glad you're getting through the paperwork. I hope funeral plans go well.

How fantastic about DS - I love a wordsearch - very therapeutic. I saw a puzzle book which gives about 43,000 names, then clues which rule out the names until you find the murderer. I was quite taken with the idea but £19.99 seemed very steep, so I didn't bother. I like logic problems with the clues and the grid, but they don't seem all that common these days.

I’ve seen another side to it! I decided to enter all the food in my cupboards, fridge and freezer to help it plan my meal plan and shopping list for next week. It commented that as I had plenty of baking ingredients, I could do some baking; and specifically it suggested cheese scones or fruit scones or soda bread!

I use it to save me work, not to create work for me! Anyway, considering it calculated for me, how many calories I need to lose weight, based on my age, TDEE and BMI, it’s not clicked that cheese scones and calorie controlled low fat diets don’t go together!

Hahaha! Now you can feel inadequate that you don't bake fresh pillowy scones.

Freshly baked scones are lovely but sadly can wreck a diet in 10 minutes. I love scones and afternoon tea but unless I have been doing a serious amount of exercise / gardening that day have to steer clear. DS loves them and we probably should bake them for him but I would eat some. We went to a cottage in Cornwall in 2020 where the lady had baked about 24 giant scones and DS must have eaten 20 of them. DS is helpful for diets and can remain stick thin himself whilst eating this much. DD is similar, came in said I don't feel hungry but I'm going to shop anyway, appeared back with a massive bucket like quantity of food and ate it then ate ice cream and also flat stomach.

It did help me open pickled onions when both I and much more surprisingly DD had failed for two days to open the jar at 4am when I decided I needed pickled onions and I needed them now. Just whack the jar on the side, one whack did it though DD did point out later that whacking a glass jar isn't the most sensible thing to do. But my need for pickled onions overrid common sense and I got them in 10 seconds and ate all of them. Luckily not many calories in those.

Glad the theatre was good @drspouse and hope the funeral planning goes as well as it can.

Calendar sounds good @Lougle

I use ai for diet stuff and recipes but I am a very competent cook and I do the same with a pen and paper depending on my mood. It worries me how many people are using it as a therapist/life coach. I go to two separate women’s groups and it is worrying to hear “ChatGPT says I should go low contact or cut off contact altogether” about their families or listen to the back and forth they’ve had with professionals about their children.

As an aside in hot countries expats make scones with lemonade, cream, and flour (1:1:4) plus a little baking powder. This is very useful if you only want to make one or two.

You are welcome.

@LathkillDale loving AI’s meal planning. Scones would make an excellent dinner.

@drspouse glad the theatre went well. I hope funeral planning goes as well as it can.

@Lougle I will be interested to see how you get on over the coming weeks. I can see there are advantages to the calendar over using a whiteboard.

I'll keep you posted @inthequietofdawn . DD1 unloaded the whole dishwasher again today. She also accepted my explanation that I couldn't put everything that might happen in the calendar and has started saying "it's a 'go with the flow' day".