The Goose & Carrot Pub

[RedRegular]

A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

lougle where on earth do you get your energy from? Great bargain hunting though and I hope a good move forward for Dd1.

Ha! I'm not sure it's energy @NoHaudinMaWheest . I'm not sleeping brilliantly right now. I'm finding it hard to wind down in the evenings and I'm pinging awake in the morning.

How is DS doing with work?

Well done on the pallets @Lougle. Hope you can get a rest at some point this weekend.

Interesting about the dodgy shed companies. I've heard there's a lot of dodgy companies around and it does make it harder to compare things though most of the dodgy ones seem to be certain sizes only and our concrete base is a different size and can't adjust without taking garden which we don't want to do. The company now looking at does have excellent reviews but I don't think we could ever rely on a guarantee, partly as would never rely on them, partly as with DS we'd never meet the this has to have only been used as intended. I am trying to research every detail thoroughly as DS is high risk for being clumsy (just found he had taken a night bath again and bottles knocked over as usual) and altering things though that's unpredictable. And want to make sure it will last a long time. Even this company though are selling sheds which are untreated wood then painted which look very pretty but will have a 5 to 10 year life span. Whereas found out they have others which aren't painted as pressure treated wood takes 6 months to dry out and you can paint yourself later which will last 10-40 years. Checked and squirrels do nibble at cedar shingles.

One option the thatched company have come back with is to make it larger and presumably more expensive again so it could be used as an annex. We don't have space for anything more than a bedroom and adding bathroom and kitchen adds separate council tax. DS plays with water so I would not want that anyway. Kitchen no space for and would be wary of fire risk. He probably would like a bedroom in the garden but not sure it would add value as it's a bit niche. I would also not want him in it 24/7 though if it's officially signed off as living accomodation think we would be safe to do that option. With just a bedroom he would need to come in for bathing, toilet and cooking but that should be fine for him. It's says online 6.51 square metres is required presumably internally. We can't go beyond 10 foot the one way. It might be 8 foot would be enough other way, depends how thick the inside is.

DH and I just did 3 hours gardening with silkies and I got DH to measure the shed and base again and the previous measurements he did are wrong so good job we didn't order things yet.

The current shed is 2.5 foot bigger than he measured. The base is also 2.5 foot bigger width ways. So current shed is about 9.5 foot by nearly 6 foot. And base is 12.5 foot by nearly 6 foot. We also measured to our big mature tree and that is nearly 6 foot in front of the current base. Its just the trunk and roots we need to be careful about. Checked the minimum bed size again and apparently each council can have higher standards and ours does and its 7.5 square metres internal size and only counts when ceiling height above 1.5 metres. I would guess that would massively increase the cost, maybe £45k.

When I mention a new shed to DS he puts the sound up like he doesn't want to hear about it so I don't think he wants one especially. Though it maybe as I've mentioned the prices, he has an aversion to spending anything.

Message from DD that she's had her bike stolen though she still seems very happy and also said she left it on a bridge.

DS was out in garden wearing t-shirt and short though with socks and trainers. He also had eaten all the ice cream so we just got some more.

Lots to consider there @Tulipandmagnolia . You get into Building Regulations territory with making it proper accommodation... a whole new world.

The van nightmare looked set to continue because the company didn't have a 4m van and the 3m they did have is too short. But the lady kindly phoned us at 07.15 to say that as long as we promised to have it back by 8 am, we could take a Luton that is booked out for the day on Tuesday. Bonus, because it's £65 cheaper. So we collected that at 08.00.

DDs 2&3 helped me dismantle the old shed today. Since starting her new meds, DD2 has been amazingly engaged and helpful. It's incredible and a bit strange, tbh. I discovered that I enjoy construction but I love destruction 🤣 DH was at church, I am not tall enough to reach the top of the shed, and it wasn't stable enough to climb on the roof because it's old and rickety. Then we couldn't find DH's crowbar, so I took to the shed with a reciprocating saw and cut it into pieces, then we smacked it with a mattock until it collapsed. Great fun!

We took a little break to have lunch with MIL. I realised today how lonely she feels, because she's asked to come with us tomorrow when we take down the cabin. I've suggested that she and DD1 go the the garden centre on site for a wander and a cup of tea to kill some time. I told them they can do some competitive sadding about their aches and pains.

This afternoon we got the shed loaded into the trailer and off to the tip. The chap at the tip moaned that we had a lot of wood, so I asked if there is any way of pre-warning them (no) or checking their capacity for wood (no), or checking when they have a skip collection for wood so it's empty (no). Well, as we now have to book a slot, can only visit once per slot, and have only 30 minutes to unload, we're going to make the most of it, aren't we? It used to be that you could just turn up. Now we have to fill in a form every time, book a slot, declare that we don't have certain materials... So much hassle.

This evening I took all the blocks up that the old shed sat on, and we've marked out the new base area ready to cultivate it and compact it. Progress!

Well done on getting all that done @Lougle. Yes it would be planning, listed building consent and building regs, lots of fun.

The tip thing reminds me of when I emailed could we take paint to the tip. And the reply I got was it depends who is there on the day, they may say no to everything, they may take it all or they make take part of it. They probably won't take it all, maybe it will be nothing. So helpful. Like the power over paint tins has gone to their heads.

The cheaper shed company seems to have a max of 10 foot by 8 foot so its likely to be similar size to one we have now its measured correctly at 10 foot by 6 foot if we get 10 by 6 and keep base same.

Day out at cat café for DD and friend. They are best of friends though chalk and cheese. Friend classic ASD (met her before they started reception together and having met lots of DCs with ASD I clocked her in 5 mins!), mad keen on maths, at grammar school, does her homework in 5 mins after getting home. DD classic ADHD, manic and a rule breaker, tantrums over maths.

They both had a lovely time but typical Bank Holiday and typical for where we went, train was rammed with extremely drunk people with a low teeth:tattoo ratio. Both girls were visibly uncomfortable but managed to ignore with headphones on. Told them after we got off how well they'd done even though it was really horrid even for adults.

Cat cafe sounds nice @drspouse

This is the 3 silkies helping with gardening.

@drspouse that sounds like a very successful day! DD2 sometimes goes to the cat cafe with school.

It was our 40th wedding anniversary yesterday, so DH and I went into London to try a Malaysian restaurant, we’d never been to before. IMO, the food was great!

We’ll talk to DD1 on Teams tonight. We are taking her to Scotland at the end of next week, for her annual holiday. We choose a town, with an A & E, so it’s not so much of a worry. We’ve been there about 4 times before in cottages on the same estate. She loves it (mainly the seafood on the West coast of Scotland) and has been packed for weeks! For someone with dyspraxia, it’s amazing how organised she is. Friday night, I told her one bag only of personal stuff and what to take - cuddly toys, word searches, drawing books, crayons, etc. She got up in the middle of the conversation to repack!

Contrast this to DD2, going to Greece for 10 days on an early morning flight, and she told me at 4 am, she couldn’t close her suitcase, because she had just chucked everything in a heap. I took it all out, folded it up and then it did fit! She didn’t unpack her suitcase for 2 years when she got back!

DH organises himself with numerous lists! He has developed strategies for his ADHD, whereas DD2 hasn’t!

Happy anniversary @BlueandWhitePorcelain for yesterday, glad you had a lovely meal. Glad DD1 is looking forward to the holiday.

Lovely sunny day here again today, 31C but not too bad in house due to the thatch. DH had piano tuner round (cat unimpressed) and then he and I went gardening for 2.5 hours. We've also had more shed discussions. The silkies were singing, the silver one follows me everywhere gardening but as soon as I have dug something she is on top of it so I need to move all the time and she bashes her fluff into me. I called her my favourite little chicken and she sang. DS has been wandering outside.

Nice and cool here (inside anyway!) - got some tidying and gardening done, DH took DD out, DS and I nipped to the shop and then watched Life Beyond the Lobby which is apparently DS new favourite programme. Let's hope he decides to work in a hotel rather than demand to be taken to them.

@Tulipsandmagnolia Thanks. We booked Scotland last October; but DH only booked Greece for my birthday a few weeks before. In an ideal world, we would have had a party for our 40th anniversary; but with two holidays so close together, we couldn’t afford it. As it turned out, we’d have been too exhausted with Covid to organise a party anyway!

We went to a nursery today to buy some bedding plants for the plant pots. The cats watched DH agog, as he put the plants in the pots!

DH wants the contact DD2, but is afraid of what she might say - it’s rarely good news; and can be abusive! BPD is an emotional roller coaster; but there’s been more splitting than usual, what with pregnancy!

Happy anniversary @BlueandWhitePorcelain

Thinking of everyone studying/preparing for/taking exams in the heat.

The heat has messed with my C25K. I don’t know how the group has managed it in 29 degrees! I couldn’t.

DD has the classic fall out from having study structure to no agenda so we need to work on organising her days/weeks.

I’ve been reading Uta Frith’s (sp) change of opinion on autism and the range of needs. It’s a tricky one as nobody’s needs should be minimised but I do think there is a lot of merit in a future with targeted support.

I wish DD2 had gone ahead with the assessment for autism. If she was diagnosed with autism, we’d find her behaviour easier to understand. Trouble is the MH HCPs here don’t seem to target their support for ND patients, but I think potential colleagues might understand her better!

I hate all the upset and angst about who is what kind of autistic. We’re not all in the same storm or boat or anything. It all makes me very very cross which is an emotion I hate experiencing.

ds looked awful at lunch. We got his aircon out and plugged in and he was a different young man, happy and calm. I honestly think there’s something wrong with his temperature control. Is that a thing?

Temperature control is a huge thing for DD, her body doesn’t seem to start its internal cooling process until it’s too late and unbearable. Having said that it is so much better now she is not taking sertraline.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain happy anniversary!

I'm shattered. We spent today dismantling the log cabin, which wasn't half as fun as destroying the shed because I needed to keep it in good quality. It took all day (I reckon there must have been 300 screws!) and it was 32°c. The last couple of days I've been quite POTSy (although I'm technically not diagnosed with POTS itself, but a DX that means the same and treatment is the same). That meant that I ended up having to lie down on the floor with my feet up every few minutes, which was inconvenient. Anyway, my Dad came to help offload the cabin parts Into the garden and we've just returned the van.

Tomorrow, I intend to have a quiet morning. I have to phone Global Mediation, and I have to let the carpet fitter in for DMIL, but apart from that, my diary is clear.

DD2 isn't feeling well. Her tummy hurts but she isn't sure if it's pain because she can't identify what's wrong, it just feels bad. It hurts if something presses around her belly button..She feels sick and dizzy, but all her vital signs are good, so I've reassured her and I'll keep an eye.

Targeted support is really important, but my issue with the 'profound autism' drive is that it misses the complexity of autism. At the same time, I don't think the "I have level 1 days and level 3 days' is a fair thing for people who are largely independent to say, either.

I agree with this. I also disagree with the argument that a profound autism diagnosis would allow parents to say “My child has profound autism” and others will know what it means. It won’t. For example, it won’t tell people if the child is toilet trained, if they smear, if they need a specialist bed/car seat/bath seat, if they need a wheelchair/SN buggy, if they need 3:1 or are OK with 1:1, if they are a sensory seeker or sensory avoidant or both depending on the area/circumstances, if the child eats orally…

I am also concerned it could be used to deny provision. On both sides of the divide. Those who meet the criteria for what is being termed by some as ‘profound autism’ may well be denied support/treatment because they have a profound autism diagnosis. I know someone in the US whose insurance is refusing to fund a treatment for their DC because their DC has a level 3 autism diagnosis. Some say that wouldn’t happen in the UK, but I disagree. I know someone who has twins with CP. The NHS is refusing to fund a gait trainer for one because the NHS doesn’t think a gait trainer is a good use of resources. Despite the child being using their DT’s one and making progress. The family is now raising money to fund privately while appealing the EHCP to try to get it included in there. On the other hand, you can be profoundly disabled by autism and not meet the criteria for profound autism. DS3’s reports describe him as having complex needs and being profoundly disabled. He will never live independently, he will never work, he will always need 24/7 care, he has 2:1 EOTIS package, he has a social care package… Yet some who are pushing for profound autism diagnosis think he doesn’t have high support needs/doesn’t need a high level of support. He does. All professionals involved recognise that.

@Lougle I’m not surprised you are exhausted. I hope tomorrow morning’s diary remains light.

Happy anniversary, @BlueandWhitePorcelain.

@Zeonlywayisup temperature regulation can be part of autism. It can be related to sensory processing difficulties. It can also be part of epilepsy. Some medications, including some AED, can also cause/exacerbate it. There are some other medical conditions it can be related to too. DS1 has huge trouble regulating temperature. Both hot and cold. He also can’t recognise if he is hot or cold.

We managed to get DS1 into the pool in the garden for a short time early this morning. DS1 is always grumpy about it, but it helps him. It relies on DH lifting him in and out these days so isn’t easy. DS1 then retreated inside as it got hotter and before DS2’s friends arrived. DS1 hates others being around, but it isn’t fair to say DS2 can’t have anyone around. DS1 doesn’t have to see the, or be anywhere near them.

I think for ds it’s more like menopausal hot flushes. I don’t think his body cools him down appropriately. I can often feel the heat some distance from his skin.

A bell curve of heat and DD can only detect it when it is at the top and has her radiating heat (particularly from her back).

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream private health insurance has excluded DD from certain treatments due to ASD diagnosis. A pool is great in this heat.

I wickedly lifted Dcat to behind sleeping DH’s legs and off of my side of the bed as Dcat can’t stand aircon and so it’s off in our room.

@RedRegular sharing is caring, surely? It was really generous of you to share DCat in that way.

I'm not sleeping well at all. I was shattered last night, and I took 3 melatonin instead of 2, plus my 2 magnesium capsules, and I still pinged awake at 3.30 am. I do think some of it is the heat. I'm very finnicky with temperature. I tend to run cold, and I find the wind on my arms uncomfortable, so I tend to wear my coat or a jumper on most days of the year, even if I'm boiling. But at night, I have to be just right to sleep, so I can't sleep if I'm cold or hot. I have to have the right weight of duvet, so pushing the covers off means I can sleep because it's cool but can't sleep because it doesn't feel right. Keeping the covers on means I can't sleep because it's hot but could sleep because it feels right. Unfortunately, I also can't sleep if there's a fan on. Pedestal fans are noisy and unreliable in terms of airflow sensation. We tried a ceiling fan in the old house but I couldn't sleep if it was on.

I'm also losing more weight than is ideal, so I think I'm going to have to ask for a change of ADHD meds. My BMI is creeping down and it's 19 now, which is technically healthy but probably not ideal at my age, and not a coincidence that my POTS symptoms are back.