need to procrastinate today? make up your own SN limerick

[lingle]

"there once was a boy with propensities,
for problems linguistic and sensory
they said "hmm, autistic?"
his mum went ballistic
and brainstormed on mumsnet intensively

by lingle aged 39 and a half.

There was a young boy who loved guns
And thought being naked was fun
He lived on crisps and spaghetti
And grew his hair like a yeti
But his smile always brought out the sun...

There was a teacher who said
There's nothing wrong with him, are you losing your head
No strategies did she use
Til someone ended up with a bruise
After that, reports soon did get read!

There was a psychologist who claimed
With no theory of mind, these children weren't the same
As the rest of us who knew
What everyone else was thinking too
But as a hypothesis, boy, this was lame

I love these!

Made me laugh after a crap day with the Outreach team. Here are my efforts (after a rare night out hope they still scan in the morning).

The Authority was defensive
ABA is just too expensive
Lets ignore the research
And the parents desmirch
And pretend our plan?s comprehensive

The autism teacher knew it all
Lets take everything bright off the wall
If we make it low stim
That will surely fix him
Not to mention our budget shortfall

Oh dear this is a bit addictive!

Clearer statements Brian Lamb decreed
But my boss says I have to mislead
If we don?t make it vague
Word will spread like the plague
And we can?t base decisions on need

Help my son he?s lost all of his speech
I?ve lost him he?s now out of reach
We?ll start work when he?s three
'cause then nursery is free
Codes of practice are just there to breach

This thread is breaking my heart
All these lovely kids ignored from the start
Had I a rocket
up their arses I'd put it
And make SN provision top of the chart

My IQ's amazingly high
My memory's awesome -just try!
But I've no social graces
And I can't tie my laces
Be patient -don't just pass me by!

Brio, love your last one

There once was a boy with red hair
Who looked like he just didn't care
He's autistic, not rude
Stop staring you prude
He just just walks around with great flair

There once was a SALT who used PECS
Though she knew the parents t'would vex
But who cares what they say
I'm off on my way
To promotion or maternity leave.

There once was a parent in de Nile
Who stopped paddling,
But just for a while...

ASD-its just a label they said
And I with a nod of the head
Walked away feeling glum
About what was to come
And I still have that feeling of dread

Our children struggle in life
Anxiety, trouble and strife
How I long for reports
That provide the support
That will set up our children for life.

To get an adequate SEN provision
will take many months of revision
SENCOP your only friend
to the bitter end
and still the LEA snorts with derison

3 kids all with hypermobility,
has led me to temper fragility,
they're clever and bright,
have pain through the night,
but docs say it's growing pains!!!!!!

Ok, it doesn't rhyme, but as eldest has just said - "my mum's a nutter"!!!!!

This thread is brilliant!!

My daughter is foreign, you see,
Which is why she is odd as can be,
You don't let me forget it
And yet you don't get it
It's not 'anglo-saxon', it's ASD

(Small explanatory note: "Anglo-saxon" is the French term to refer to all English speakers)

LA?s think they?re terribly clever
To drag out the process forever
But they didn?t bet
On the might of mumsnet
?cos we?re all in it together!

Don't let the grind you down Star. The end is in sight. Hopefully they will all go on holiday for half term and give you a week off.